"I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor"- Joan Rivers
"I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises."
- Neil Armstrong.
“Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” —Redd Fox
"I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity." - Edgar Allen Poe
"I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number ou get in a diamond"- Mae West
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." —Mark Twain
"How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but it takes nine visits." - Author unknown
“Excercise? I thought you said extra fries.”
"Take the admission to the gym to avoid the admission to the hospital."
- Amit Kalantri
“An apple a day keeps the doctor away, But if the doctor is cute forget the fruit.”
Sammie
"If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer." - Clement Freud
"I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol."- Steven Write
"If you want to know the correct way to perform an exercise, the answer is: Whatever hurts most."
- Jason Love.
“Fond of doctors, little health, Fond of lawyers, little wealth.”
Proverb
"Eating words has never given me indigestion." —Winston Churchill
"We pay our gym membership for the permission to exercise in the gym, not for the owner(s) of the gym to exercise for us."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana.
"If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigeratir are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all"- Joey Adams
"Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing." —Redd Foxx
"Red meat is not bad for you. Now blue-green meat, that's bad for you!" - Tommy Smothers
“It’s a bit unnerving That doctors call what they do practice.”
Unknown
"Warning... I'm exercising, eating right and watching my alcohol intake... which means I'm sober, I'm cranky and I'm sore, so proceed with caution!"
“Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches.”
Unknown
"To lose weight, spend time at the gym. To appear like you've lost weight, spend time with people who are bigger than you."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
"Men scream and go crazy in the gym. I'm a silent workout partner, but when my adrenaline gets up, I talk trash."
- Fergie
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
"I go to the gym three days a week. You have to or else - I don't want to be the guy that dies shoveling snow."
- Douglas Coupland
"My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass." - Leslie Grimutter
"Older people shouldn't eat health food. They need all the preservatives they can get." —Robert Orben
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
"Men make use of their illnesses at least as much as they are made use of by them." - Aldous Huxley
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred." —Woody Allen
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory"- Albert Schweitzer
"I will never break up with my gym. We just seem to workout."
- Unknown.
"Health is merely the slowest way someone can die."
"Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise' I wash my mouth out with chocolate!"
- Unknown.
"I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me"- Fred Allen.
"A hospital is no place to be sick." —Samuel Goldwyn
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Toml
"You ever look for the remote control, but you can't find it, so you just decide, 'Ah, guess I'm not watching TV. I'm not gonna take two steps and turn it on myself. I'll go to the gym if I'm going to work out.'"
- Jim Gaffigan.
"The trouble with always trying to preserve the health of the body is that it is so difficult to do without destroying the health of the mind." - G.K. Chesterton
"When future archaeologists dig up the remains of California, they're going to find all of those gyms, their scary-looking gym equipment, and they're going to assume that we were a culture obsessed with torture."
- Douglas Coupland
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet." - Rodney Dangerfield
“Anorexia is a disease not a fashion statement.”
Brooke
"I only workout, because I really really like donuts."
- Unknown
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook"- Julia Child
"Let's have a moment of silence for all those Americans who are stuck in traffic on their way to the gym to ride the stationary bicycle."
- Earl Blumenauer.
“I have to excercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."- Marsha Doble.