"At age 20, we worry about what others think of us… at age 40, we don’t care what they think of us… at age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all." - Ann Landers
"I refuse to admit I’m more than fifty-two, even if that does make my sons illegitimate." - Nancy Astor
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell
"The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." - T.S. Elliot
"Nobody expects to trust his body much after the age of fifty." - Alexander Hamilton
"Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out." - Phyllis Diller
"Today, you’re 50. Now we can round your age up to 100! Happy 50th birthday!" - Dave Barry"
"Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once." - Dave Barry
"I have successfully completed the thirty-year transition from wanting to stay up late to just wanting to go to bed." - Unknown
"All men are the same age." - Dorothy Parker
"I’m 59 and people call me middle-aged. How many 118-year-old men do you know?"- Barry Cryer
"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your retirement home."- Phyllis Diller
"If you want to know how old a woman is then ask her sister-in-law." - Edgar Howe
"Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years." - Oscar Wilde
"Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes, age just shows up all by itself." - Tom Wilson
"There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus, he does not believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus." - Bob Phillips
"I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap." - Bob Hope
"I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam."- George Carlin
"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore
"In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn’t have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order." - Robert Brault
"Life seems to fade our memory, so on this birthday I will forget yours if you forget mine!" - Kate Summers
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
"Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened." - Jennifer Yane
"I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don’t have to." - Albert Einstein
"As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer." - Robert Quillen"
"Getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth." - Conan O’Brien
"Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you." - Ogden Nash
“The first 40 years of life give us the text; the next 30 supply the commentary on it.” – Arthur Schopenhauer
“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben
“You spend 90 percent of your adult life hoping for a long rest and the last 10 percent trying to convince the Lord that you’re actually not that tired.” – Robert Brault
“Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.” – Maurice Chevalier
“The older I get, the better I used to be.” – Lee Trevino
“Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.” – Will Rogers
“Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week.” - Maggie Kuhn
“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” - Larry Lorenzon
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” - George Burns
“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” - George Burns
“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” - Andy Rooney
“Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” - Kitty O’Neill Collins
"The idea is to die young as late as possible." - Ashley Montagu
"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two." - Sir Norman Wisdom
"First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down." - Leo Rosenberg
"I don't do alcohol anymore—I get the same effect just standing up fast." - Anonymous
"Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up." - John Wagner
"Everything slows down with age, except the time it takes cake and ice cream to reach your hips." - John Wagner
"Old age comes at a bad time." – San Banducci
"Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read." – George Burns
"Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere." – George Burns
"Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician." - Anonymous