“The older I get, the better I used to be.” – Lee Trevino
"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional" - Chili Davis
“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” - George Burns
"Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened." - Jennifer Yane
"Looking fifty is great—if you’re sixty." - Joan Rivers
"A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’" - Claude Pepper
"I don't do alcohol anymore—I get the same effect just standing up fast." - Anonymous
"I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do." - Phyllis Diller
"One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it’s such a nice change from being young." – Dorothy Canfield Fisher
"I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap." - Bob Hope
"I've never known a person who lives to be 110 who is remarkable for anything else." —Josh Billings
"The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for." - Will Rogers
“Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” - Kitty O’Neill Collins
“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” - Larry Lorenzon
"It is better to wear out than to rust out." - Bishop Richard Cumberland
"People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit." - George Burns
"At my age, flowers scare me." - George Burns
"At my age ‘getting lucky’ means walking into a room and remembering what I came in for." - Unknown
"Old age comes at a bad time." – San Banducci
"Children are a great comfort in your old age, and they help you reach it faster, too." – Lionel Kauffman
"Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese." – Billie Burke
"If you want to know how old a woman is then ask her sister-in-law." - Edgar Howe
"You know you are getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work." - Hy Gardner
“The first 40 years of life give us the text; the next 30 supply the commentary on it.” – Arthur Schopenhauer
"Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years." - Oscar Wilde
"Regrets are the natural property of grey hairs." - Charles Dickens
"Getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth." - Conan O’Brien
"I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam."- George Carlin
"I refuse to admit I’m more than fifty-two, even if that does make my sons illegitimate." - Nancy Astor
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all things that make you want to live to be a hundred." - Woody Allen
“Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.” – Will Rogers
"To get back to my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable." - Oscar Wilde
"You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." – Bob Hope
"Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you." - Ogden Nash
"When I was young, I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties, I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then, and I’m labeled senile." - George Burns
"When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old." - Mark Twain
"We don’t grow older, we grow riper." - Pablo Picasso
"The important thing to remember is that I’m probably going to forget." - Unknown
"Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read." – George Burns
"Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician." - Anonymous
"I’m so old that my blood type is discontinued." - Bill Dane
“You spend 90 percent of your adult life hoping for a long rest and the last 10 percent trying to convince the Lord that you’re actually not that tired.” – Robert Brault
"Life seems to fade our memory, so on this birthday I will forget yours if you forget mine!" - Kate Summers
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” —George Burns
“Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week.” - Maggie Kuhn
"Old age is always fifteen years older than I am." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
“Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.” – Maurice Chevalier
"I have successfully completed the thirty-year transition from wanting to stay up late to just wanting to go to bed." - Unknown
"I’m like old wine. They don’t bring me out very often… but I’m well preserved." - Rose Kennedy
"When you’re older, Friday means less parking spots." - Larry David
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