"When you’re older, Friday means less parking spots." - Larry David
"I’m so old that my blood type is discontinued." - Bill Dane
"If you want to know how old a woman is then ask her sister-in-law." - Edgar Howe
"At my age ‘getting lucky’ means walking into a room and remembering what I came in for." - Unknown
"Getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth." - Conan O’Brien
"Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once." - Dave Barry
"Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it." - Golda Meir
"The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." - T.S. Elliot
"It is better to wear out than to rust out." - Bishop Richard Cumberland
"I've never known a person who lives to be 110 who is remarkable for anything else." —Josh Billings
“Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.” – Maurice Chevalier
“It’s like you trade the virility of the body for the agility of the spirit.” – Elizabeth Lesser
"I complain that the years fly past, but then I look in a mirror and see that very few of them actually got past." - Robert Brault
"When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old." - Mark Twain
"Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you." - Ogden Nash
"One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it’s such a nice change from being young." – Dorothy Canfield Fisher
"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore
"I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam."- George Carlin
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” —George Burns
"There’s one advantage to being 102, there’s no peer pressure." - Dennis Wolfberg
"I don't do alcohol anymore—I get the same effect just standing up fast." - Anonymous
"In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn’t have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order." - Robert Brault
"To get back to my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable." - Oscar Wilde
"A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’" - Claude Pepper
"Old age is always fifteen years older than I am." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
"You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks." - Joel Plaskett
“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” - George Burns
"Nobody expects to trust his body much after the age of fifty." - Alexander Hamilton
"Old age comes at a bad time." – San Banducci
"I didn’t get old on purpose, it just happened. If you’re lucky, it could happen to you." – Andy Ronney
"At age 20, we worry about what others think of us… at age 40, we don’t care what they think of us… at age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all." - Ann Landers
""Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." - Larry Lorenzoni
"I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do." - Phyllis Diller
"I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet." - Rita Rudner
"The idea is to die young as late as possible." - Ashley Montagu
"Looking fifty is great—if you’re sixty." - Joan Rivers
"We don’t grow older, we grow riper." - Pablo Picasso
"I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don’t have to." - Albert Einstein
"People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit." - George Burns
"There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus, he does not believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus." - Bob Phillips
“Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.” – Will Rogers
"When I was young, I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties, I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then, and I’m labeled senile." - George Burns
"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional" - Chili Davis
"It’s important to have a twinkle in your wrinkle." - Unknown
"Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up." - John Wagner
"Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese." – Billie Burke
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”—Lucille Ball
"Children are a great comfort in your old age, and they help you reach it faster, too." – Lionel Kauffman
"Today, you’re 50. Now we can round your age up to 100! Happy 50th birthday!" - Dave Barry"
"You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." – Bob Hope
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