"Looking fifty is great—if you’re sixty." - Joan Rivers
"I’m so old that my blood type is discontinued." - Bill Dane
"If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself." - Anonymous
“The older I get, the better I used to be.” – Lee Trevino
"Nobody expects to trust his body much after the age of fifty." - Alexander Hamilton
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” - George Burns
"If you want to know how old a woman is then ask her sister-in-law." - Edgar Howe
"I’m like old wine. They don’t bring me out very often… but I’m well preserved." - Rose Kennedy
"Men do not quit playing because they grow old—they grow old because they quit playing." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
"Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out." - Phyllis Diller
“When it comes to staying young, a mind-lift beats a face-lift any day.” – Marty Buccella
"I don't do alcohol anymore—I get the same effect just standing up fast." - Anonymous
"When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old." - Mark Twain
"The idea is to die young as late as possible." - Ashley Montagu
"Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once." - Dave Barry
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell
"There is still no cure for the common birthday." - John Glenn
“Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” - Kitty O’Neill Collins
"I've never known a person who lives to be 110 who is remarkable for anything else." —Josh Billings
"I’m 59 and people call me middle-aged. How many 118-year-old men do you know?"- Barry Cryer
"As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer." - Robert Quillen"
"The important thing to remember is that I’m probably going to forget." - Unknown
"Everything slows down with age, except the time it takes cake and ice cream to reach your hips." - John Wagner
"You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks." - Joel Plaskett
"Gray hair is God’s graffiti." – Bill Cosby
“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben
"At age 20, we worry about what others think of us… at age 40, we don’t care what they think of us… at age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all." - Ann Landers
“Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.” – Maurice Chevalier
"I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap." - Bob Hope
"Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it." - Golda Meir
"The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for." - Will Rogers
"The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened. - Mark Twain
“Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week.” - Maggie Kuhn
"Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years." - Oscar Wilde
"Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere." – George Burns
"There’s one advantage to being 102, there’s no peer pressure." - Dennis Wolfberg
"Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up." - John Wagner
"Life seems to fade our memory, so on this birthday I will forget yours if you forget mine!" - Kate Summers
"Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen." - Mark Twain
"Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes, age just shows up all by itself." - Tom Wilson
"I have successfully completed the thirty-year transition from wanting to stay up late to just wanting to go to bed." - Unknown
"I refuse to admit I’m more than fifty-two, even if that does make my sons illegitimate." - Nancy Astor
"The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." - T.S. Elliot
"There’s a reason why forty, fifty, and sixty don’t look the way they used to and it’s not because of feminism, or better living through exercise. It’s because of hair dye." Nora Ephron
"Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read." – George Burns
"You know you are getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work." - Hy Gardner
"I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet." - Rita Rudner
"In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn’t have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order." - Robert Brault
"When you’re older, Friday means less parking spots." - Larry David
"Children are a great comfort in your old age, and they help you reach it faster, too." – Lionel Kauffman
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