"I can honestly say I love getting older. Then again, I never put my glasses on before looking in the mirror." - Cherie Lunghi
"You know you’re getting old when you can pinch an inch on your forehead." - John Mendoza
"I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do." - Phyllis Diller
"I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don’t have to." - Albert Einstein
"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your retirement home."- Phyllis Diller
"There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus, he does not believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus." - Bob Phillips
"You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks." - Joel Plaskett
"Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese." – Billie Burke
“You spend 90 percent of your adult life hoping for a long rest and the last 10 percent trying to convince the Lord that you’re actually not that tired.” – Robert Brault
"I’m like old wine. They don’t bring me out very often… but I’m well preserved." - Rose Kennedy
"I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap." - Bob Hope
"In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn’t have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order." - Robert Brault
"When I was young, I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties, I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then, and I’m labeled senile." - George Burns
""Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." - Larry Lorenzoni
"Life seems to fade our memory, so on this birthday I will forget yours if you forget mine!" - Kate Summers
"When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old." - Mark Twain
“You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.” —Billy Arthur
"Old age comes at a bad time." – San Banducci
“The first 40 years of life give us the text; the next 30 supply the commentary on it.” – Arthur Schopenhauer
"Today, you’re 50. Now we can round your age up to 100! Happy 50th birthday!" - Dave Barry"
"I refuse to admit I’m more than fifty-two, even if that does make my sons illegitimate." - Nancy Astor
"I complain that the years fly past, but then I look in a mirror and see that very few of them actually got past." - Robert Brault
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
"Getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth." - Conan O’Brien
"If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself." - Anonymous
"Nobody expects to trust his body much after the age of fifty." - Alexander Hamilton
"Regrets are the natural property of grey hairs." - Charles Dickens
"Gray hair is God’s graffiti." – Bill Cosby
"It’s important to have a twinkle in your wrinkle." - Unknown
"Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it." - Golda Meir
"When you’re older, Friday means less parking spots." - Larry David
"At age 20, we worry about what others think of us… at age 40, we don’t care what they think of us… at age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all." - Ann Landers
"If you want to know how old a woman is then ask her sister-in-law." - Edgar Howe
“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” - Larry Lorenzon
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” —George Burns
“Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” - Kitty O’Neill Collins
“Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week.” - Maggie Kuhn
"Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once." - Dave Barry
“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” - George Burns
"You know you are getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work." - Hy Gardner
"First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down." - Leo Rosenberg
"We must both, I’m afraid, recognise that, as we grow older, we become like old cars – more and more repairs and replacements are necessary." - C.S. Lewis
"Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician." - Anonymous
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all things that make you want to live to be a hundred." - Woody Allen
"Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes, age just shows up all by itself." - Tom Wilson
"I’m so old that my blood type is discontinued." - Bill Dane
"There’s one advantage to being 102, there’s no peer pressure." - Dennis Wolfberg
"Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years." - Oscar Wilde
"The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for." - Will Rogers
"There’s a reason why forty, fifty, and sixty don’t look the way they used to and it’s not because of feminism, or better living through exercise. It’s because of hair dye." Nora Ephron
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