"There’s a reason why forty, fifty, and sixty don’t look the way they used to and it’s not because of feminism, or better living through exercise. It’s because of hair dye." Nora Ephron
"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two." - Sir Norman Wisdom
"Life seems to fade our memory, so on this birthday I will forget yours if you forget mine!" - Kate Summers
"One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it’s such a nice change from being young." – Dorothy Canfield Fisher
"When you’re older, Friday means less parking spots." - Larry David
"I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don’t have to." - Albert Einstein
"As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer." - Robert Quillen"
"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore
"You know you are getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work." - Hy Gardner
"When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old." - Mark Twain
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” - George Burns
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell
"I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap." - Bob Hope
"If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself." - Anonymous
“You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.” —Billy Arthur
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all things that make you want to live to be a hundred." - Woody Allen
“When it comes to staying young, a mind-lift beats a face-lift any day.” – Marty Buccella
"Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere." – George Burns
"The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened. - Mark Twain
"People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit." - George Burns
“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” - George Burns
"Looking fifty is great—if you’re sixty." - Joan Rivers
"We must both, I’m afraid, recognise that, as we grow older, we become like old cars – more and more repairs and replacements are necessary." - C.S. Lewis
"Everything slows down with age, except the time it takes cake and ice cream to reach your hips." - John Wagner
"The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." - T.S. Elliot
"At my age ‘getting lucky’ means walking into a room and remembering what I came in for." - Unknown
"Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese." – Billie Burke
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”—Lucille Ball
"When I was young, I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties, I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then, and I’m labeled senile." - George Burns
"I’m so old that my blood type is discontinued." - Bill Dane
"I’m like old wine. They don’t bring me out very often… but I’m well preserved." - Rose Kennedy
"Men do not quit playing because they grow old—they grow old because they quit playing." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
"Old age comes at a bad time." – San Banducci
"Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read." – George Burns
"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." - Truman Capote
"I can honestly say I love getting older. Then again, I never put my glasses on before looking in the mirror." - Cherie Lunghi
"Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out." - Phyllis Diller
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” —George Burns
“The older I get, the better I used to be.” – Lee Trevino
"First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down." - Leo Rosenberg
"Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician." - Anonymous
"Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it." - Golda Meir
"Nobody expects to trust his body much after the age of fifty." - Alexander Hamilton
"There’s one advantage to being 102, there’s no peer pressure." - Dennis Wolfberg
"The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for." - Will Rogers
"I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam."- George Carlin
"It’s important to have a twinkle in your wrinkle." - Unknown
"The idea is to die young as late as possible." - Ashley Montagu
"I refuse to admit I’m more than fifty-two, even if that does make my sons illegitimate." - Nancy Astor
"At my age, flowers scare me." - George Burns
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