"Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened." - Jennifer Yane
“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” —George Burns
“Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.” – Will Rogers
"People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit." - George Burns
"The important thing to remember is that I’m probably going to forget." - Unknown
"Life seems to fade our memory, so on this birthday I will forget yours if you forget mine!" - Kate Summers
"One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it’s such a nice change from being young." – Dorothy Canfield Fisher
"Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese." – Billie Burke
"Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen." - Mark Twain
"I refuse to admit I’m more than fifty-two, even if that does make my sons illegitimate." - Nancy Astor
"You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks." - Joel Plaskett
“It’s like you trade the virility of the body for the agility of the spirit.” – Elizabeth Lesser
"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your retirement home."- Phyllis Diller
“When it comes to staying young, a mind-lift beats a face-lift any day.” – Marty Buccella
"You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." – Bob Hope
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
"Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician." - Anonymous
“You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.” —Billy Arthur
"The idea is to die young as late as possible." - Ashley Montagu
"Today, you’re 50. Now we can round your age up to 100! Happy 50th birthday!" - Dave Barry"
"Old age is always fifteen years older than I am." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
"Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it." - Golda Meir
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” - George Burns
"I’m 59 and people call me middle-aged. How many 118-year-old men do you know?"- Barry Cryer
"Children are a great comfort in your old age, and they help you reach it faster, too." – Lionel Kauffman
"Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read." – George Burns
“Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week.” - Maggie Kuhn
"I've never known a person who lives to be 110 who is remarkable for anything else." —Josh Billings
"I’m like old wine. They don’t bring me out very often… but I’m well preserved." - Rose Kennedy
“The first 40 years of life give us the text; the next 30 supply the commentary on it.” – Arthur Schopenhauer
"Regrets are the natural property of grey hairs." - Charles Dickens
"I don't do alcohol anymore—I get the same effect just standing up fast." - Anonymous
""Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." - Larry Lorenzoni
"I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don’t have to." - Albert Einstein
"Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes, age just shows up all by itself." - Tom Wilson
“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” - Andy Rooney
"I have successfully completed the thirty-year transition from wanting to stay up late to just wanting to go to bed." - Unknown
"Old age comes at a bad time." – San Banducci
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell
"As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer." - Robert Quillen"
"A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’" - Claude Pepper
"All men are the same age." - Dorothy Parker
"The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for." - Will Rogers
"Getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth." - Conan O’Brien
"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore
"Men do not quit playing because they grow old—they grow old because they quit playing." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
“The older I get, the better I used to be.” – Lee Trevino
"When you’re older, Friday means less parking spots." - Larry David
"In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn’t have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order." - Robert Brault