"Snack time heals all wounds."
— Bridger Winegar
“My mind says ‘abs’ but my heart says ‘cheese fries’.”
― Unknown
“When life hands you lemons, give them back. You deserve chocolate.”
― Unknown
“Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.”
― Unknown
“If you know how many cupcakes I’m holding behind my back I’ll give you both of them.”
― Unknown
"At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom."
— George Carlin
"Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults."
– Mitch Hedberg
"The trouble with eating Italian food is that, five or six days later, you're hungry again."
– George Miller
"I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o'clock in the morning."
– John Barrymore
"There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap."
— Kevin James
"An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh."
— Will Rogers
“I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.”
― Unknown
“I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it’s someone’s birthday and I like to celebrate.”
― Unknown
“Another day, another 13,000 calories.”
— Andy Lassner
“Where there is cake, there is hope. And there is always cake.”
― Dean Koontz
“Abs are temporary. Chocolate is forever.”
― Unknown
"The 12-step chocoholics program: Never be more than 12 steps away from chocolate!"
— Terry Moore
“Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.”
― Unknown
“I’m like Pacman when I’m at a party, I eat everything and run away from anyone coming close to me.”
― Unknown
"I'm not sure what makes pepperoni so good if it's the pepper or the oni."
— Ulrik Stephens
"Promises and pie-crust are made to be broken."
— Jonathan Swift
“I thought I’d become an actress, but then I realized I eat too much.”
― Chelsea Handler
"A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something Brussels sprouts never do."
– P. J. O’Rourke
"Never eat more than you can lift."
— Miss Piggy
"Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don't forget food. You can go a week without laughing."
— Joss Whedon
“All my life I thought air was free until I bought a bag of chips.”
― Unknown
“The only clubs I’m interested in are sandwiches.”
― Unknown
"When you see a couple walking down the street holding hands and laughing, you look over to your side and the only thing you're holding is a half-eaten sandwich."
— Violet Matters
“A party without a cake is really just a meeting.”
― Julia Child
"A slice of pie without cheese is like a kiss without a squeeze."
— Stephen King
"Your diet is a bank account. Good food choices are good investments."
— Bethenny Frankel
"Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education."
— Mark Twain
"I really don't think I need buns of steel. I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon."
— Ellen DeGeneres
“Pizza is like the entire food pyramid!”
― Madeline Oles
"I just want someone to look at me the way I look at food."
— Unknown
“Everything goes better with tacos.”
― Rachel Caine
"Life is too short for self-hatred and celery sticks."
– Marilyn Wann
“My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.”
― Henny Youngman
"Never order barbecue in a place that also serves quiche."
— Lewis Grizzard
"Americans will eat garbage provided you sprinkle it liberally with ketchup."
— Henry James
"I'll have a double cappuccino, half-caf, non-fat milk, with enough foam to be aesthetically pleasing, but not so much that it would leave a mustache."
— Niles Crane
"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people."
— Orson Welles
“I thought about losing weight once, but I don’t like losing.”
― Unknown
“If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?”
― Unknown
"You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jelly beans."
— Ronald Reagan
"Popcorn for breakfast! Why not? It’s a grain. It’s like, like, grits, but with high self-esteem."
– James Patterson
"In these difficult times, when so many people are having trouble finding enough to eat, we are extending the “five-second rule” to a full ten seconds."
– Ron Piraro
“An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.”
― Unknown
"When we put vegetables up for the winter, we use jars, but we call it canning. I find that jarring. And uncanny."
– Greg Tamblyn
"If we shake out all of the crumbs from all of the keyboards in the world, we can end world hunger."
— Matthew Dolkart
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