"The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found."
— Calvin Trillin
“I didn’t get this physique by not eating tacos.”
― Jon Tester
"I don't share blame. I don't share credit. And I don't share desserts"
– Beverly Sills
"When we put vegetables up for the winter, we use jars, but we call it canning. I find that jarring. And uncanny."
– Greg Tamblyn
"Do you know what breakfast cereal is made of? It's made of all those little curly wooden shavings you find in pencil sharpeners!"
— Roald Dahl
“My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.”
― Henny Youngman
"If we shake out all of the crumbs from all of the keyboards in the world, we can end world hunger."
— Matthew Dolkart
“I’m glad I don’t have to hunt my own food, I don’t even know where sandwiches live.”
― Unknown
“You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself.”
― Unknown
“I believe it’s a cook’s moral obligation to add more butter given the chance.”
― Michael Ruhlman
“Another day, another 13,000 calories.”
— Andy Lassner
"A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something Brussels sprouts never do."
– P. J. O’Rourke
“All my life I thought air was free until I bought a bag of chips.”
― Unknown
"I just want someone to look at me the way I look at food."
— Unknown
“I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.”
― Unknown
"We must have a pie. Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie."
– David Mamet
“I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we’re having cake.”
― Unknown
"Snack time heals all wounds."
— Bridger Winegar
“How do I like my eggs? In a cake.”
― Unknown
"Never trust a skinny cook."
– Iain Hewitson
“Love means never having to say “Should we get dessert?”
― Unknown
"Without ice cream, there would be darkness and chaos."
– Don Kardong
“Your body is not a temple, it’s an amusement park. Enjoy the ride.”
― Anthony Bourdain
"As a child, my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it."
— Buddy Hackett
"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt."
— Charles M. Shulz
"Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is."
— P. J. O'Rourke
"I really don't think I need buns of steel. I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon."
— Ellen DeGeneres
“I thought I’d become an actress, but then I realized I eat too much.”
― Chelsea Handler
"Your diet is a bank account. Good food choices are good investments."
— Bethenny Frankel
"I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o'clock in the morning."
– John Barrymore
"Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don't forget food. You can go a week without laughing."
— Joss Whedon
“Nutrition labels should include a “What if I ate the whole thing” section.”
― Unknown
“If you know how many cupcakes I’m holding behind my back I’ll give you both of them.”
― Unknown
"In these difficult times, when so many people are having trouble finding enough to eat, we are extending the “five-second rule” to a full ten seconds."
– Ron Piraro
"You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jelly beans."
— Ronald Reagan
“The only thing I like better than talking about food is eating.”
— John Walters
"Never order barbecue in a place that also serves quiche."
— Lewis Grizzard
"The trouble with eating Italian food is that, five or six days later, you're hungry again."
– George Miller
“I won’t be impressed with technology until I can download food.”
― Unknown
“I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it’s someone’s birthday and I like to celebrate.”
― Unknown
“A pizza slice a day keeps sadness away.”
― Jet Paacal
“Abs are temporary. Chocolate is forever.”
― Unknown
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon."
— Doug Larson
“Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.”
― Unknown
“Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.”
― Erma Bombeck
"There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap."
— Kevin James
"Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie."
— Jim Davis
“Don’t believe everything fortune cookies tell you. Just because they’re sweet doesn’t mean they’re right.”
― Unknown
"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight."
– Rita Rudner
“Those pizzas I ate were for medicinal purposes.”
― Amy Neftzger
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