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math Jokes

math Jokes and more.
Hand Puns
A chemical in science class can make your hands go numb
But math will make you number.
Divorce Puns
Why did the Math teacher get a divorce?
He substituted his wife for an ex.
Math Puns
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
Owl Puns
Why are owls so good at math?
They excel at owlgebra.
Math Pick Up Lines
If we are both math majors, then why is there so much chemistry between us?
I heard you like math, so what’s the sum of U+Me?
I know my math. And you’ve got one significant figure!
Are you good at math? Can you help me solve for x? X = your number.
Do you like math? No? Me neither. In fact, the only number I care about is yours.
Baby, you’re like a student and I am like a math book, you solve all my problems.
The Genius Student
Tommy was sitting in math class when suddenly his teacher asked him “Tommy, How much is 2 + 2?” Tommy, caught off guard, begins counting his fingers under the table mumbling to himself: “1…2…3…4,” before happily exclaiming “The answer is four!” “That’s correct,” answered his teacher, “but I saw you counting your fingers instead of doing the math in your head. So I want you to put your hands behind your back and tell me what do you get if you add 3 + 3?” Tommy put his hands behind his back, but his teacher saw that he was still moving uncomfortably as if he were trying to count fingers. After a few moments he said uncertainly, "is the answer six?" "You are correct," she replied, "but I see you're still counting fingers despite me asking you not to! Put your hands in your pant pockets and tell me what you get if you add 5 + 5." Tommy put his hands in his pants and his teacher saw him looking at his pants and moving his lips without uttering a word. Finally the teacher became impatient and said: "I see what you're doing there and I can tell you right now that the answer is not eleven!"
Pun Puns
Puns make me numb, but math puns make me...
Number.
Soccer Puns
The reason why soccer players are brilliant in math is because they know how to use their heads well.
The New School
An eleven-year-old Jewish boy was failing math. His parents tried everything from tutors to hypnosis; but to no avail. Finally, at the insistence of a family friend, they decided to enroll their son in a private Catholic school. After the first day, the boy's parents were surprised when he walked in after school with a stern, focused and very determined expression on his face. He went straight past them, right to his room and quietly closed the door. For nearly two hours he toiled away in his room - with math books strewn about his desk and the surrounding floor. He emerged long enough to eat, and after quickly cleaning his plate, went straight back to his room, closed the door and worked feverishly at his studies until bedtime. This pattern of behavior continued until it was time for the first quarter's report card. The boy walked in with it unopened - laid it on the dinner table and went straight to his room. Cautiously, his mother opened it and, to her amazement, she saw a large black 'A' under the subject of Math. Overjoyed, she and her husband rushed into their son's room, thrilled at his remarkable progress. "Was it the nuns that did it?" the father asked. The boy shook his head and said "No." "Was it the one-to-one tutoring? The peer-mentoring?" "No." "The textbooks? The teachers? The curriculum?" "No", said the son. "Then what was it??" "Well, on that first day, when I walked in the front door and saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I KNEW they meant business!"
Funny Parenting Quotes
“Parenting without a sense of humor is like being an accountant who sucks at math.”

- Amber Dusick.
If I Had a Dollar... Jokes
If I had a nickel for every time I failed a math test, I'd have 83 cents.
Mermaid Puns
What kind of underwear does a math-obsessed mermaid wear?
An algae bra.
Crocodile Puns
What is good at maths and related to a crocodile?
A calcu-gator
Mole Puns
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
Electricity Puns
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”
Rejection Pick Up Lines
Man: What do math and my dick have in common? They're both hard for you
Woman: You must be a math problem because you're annoying and difficult. I don't wanna solve your problems for you.
Ocean Puns
What does a mermaid wear to math class?
An algae-bra, naturally.
My Teacher Wants to See You...
A young boy says to his father "Dad, our math teacher is asking to see you." "What happened?" The father asks. "Well, she asked me, 'how much is 7 * 9?' I answered '63' , then she asked, 'and 9 * 7?' So I asked 'what's the bloody difference?' "Indeed, what is the difference?" asks the father. ''Sure, I'll go.'' The next day, the boy comes home from school and says, "Dad, have you gone by the school?" "Not yet." "Well when you do, come and see the gym teacher also." "Why?" asks the father. "Well we had a gym class today, and he asked me to raise my left arm, I did. Then my right arm, I also raised it. Then he asked me to lift my right leg, so I did. 'Now,' he says, 'lift your left leg,' so I asked, 'What, am I suppose to stand on.... my penis??'" "Exactly," says the father. "Alright, I'll come." The next day, the boy asks his father "Did you go to the school?" "No, not yet." "Don't bother, I got expelled." Surprised, the father asks "Why did you get expelled?" "Well, they summoned me to the principal's office, and sitting there were the math teacher, the gym teacher, and the art teacher." "What the bloody hell was the art teacher doing there!?" asks the father. "That's what I bloody said!"
Puns
Not all math puns are bad.
Just sum.
What did the mermaid wear to math class?
An algae-bra.
Why do math teachers make good dancers?
Because they have algorithm.
History Puns
I heard the history teacher got into a fight with the math teacher
He did a real good number in him.
The Farmers and the Logic Test
Two Texas farmers, Jim and Bob are sitting in a bar, enjoying beers. Jim turns to Bob, and says, "You know what, I'm going to go to college!" He then leaves the bar and makes his way over to the local college. He is met with the Dean of Administration, who is explaining to Jim what classes he is going to take. "Alright, Jim. You are going to take 4 classes," the Dean says. "English, Math, Science, and Logic." "Logic?" Jim asks. "What the hell is that?" "Here, I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed wacker?" Proudly, Jim responded, "Yes, I do." "Well, if you own a weed wacker, then logically speaking you own a lawn," the Dean said. "Yes, yes I do have a lawn!" "Well, if you have a lawn, then logically speaking you own a house." "Yes, yes I do have a house!" "And if you have a house, then logically speaking you have a family." "Yes, yes I do have a family!" "And if you have a family, then logically speaking you have a wife. And if you have a wife, then logically speaking you're heterosexual." "Yes, yes I do have a wife and I am heterosexual! Wow, I can't believe you found out all of that just because you knew I had a weed wacker!" Jim exclaimed. "Yeah, that's what logic is," the Dean responded. Jim excitedly went back to the bar, awaited by Bob. "Bob, I'm taking 4 classes in college. English, Math, Science, and Logic," Jim told Bob. "Logic?" Bob asks. "What the hell is that?" "Here, I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed wacker?" "No." "Then you're gay."
Greece Puns
Other people had drugs in school, but I brought Greek cheeses.
That way I could have math and feta cheese.
Anti Pick Up Lines
If you were a math test, I would cheat on you.
The Train Math Problem
2 college students accidentally miss the math final exam. The next day they both went to plead with their professor. He was feeling pretty good that day so he allowed them to retake it. He told them to both come back tomorrow for an oral exam. When they both showed up he told one of them to wait outside while he tests the other. So one enters and the other puts his ear to the door to listen. The professor begins asking the question: "You are riding in a train car and you get too hot. What do you do?" The student replies,"I open the window." "Ok. Now that window is 2 feet wide and 3 feet high. The train is traveling 50 mph going north and the wind is blowing at 15 mph due east. How long will it take for new air to replace the old air in the car?" The student is clearly confused at this difficult question and just answers,"I don't know." So the professor gives him an F, dismisses him, and calls in his friend. He begins asking his friend "you are riding in a train car and it gets too hot. What do you do? He says,"I will take my jacket off." "Ok. But its still too hot. What do you do?" "I take my shirt off." "I understand but its very, very hot." "I will just get naked." "Ok. But there are people in the the car who will see you get naked." "With all respect, Professor," said the student, "I don't care if my grandmother and my priest are there, there's no way I'm opening that darn window!"
Phone Number Pick Up Lines
It seems like you have the answer to my math problem. What are your digits?
Funny Monday Quotes
“Monday is like a math problem. Add the irritation, subtract the sleep, multiply the problems, divide the happiness.”
Strawberry Puns
What do you call a strawberry in math?
A berry-able.
One Liners for Kids
Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
What did one math book say to the other?
I’ve got so many problems.
Grammar Puns
Grammar Nazis for math should be called Fibbonazis.
Family Puns
Struggle with your Children's Math homework?
Apparently it's quite common in five out of every four homes.
One Liners and Short Jokes
If I got 50 cents for every failed math exam, I’d have $ 6.30 now.
If I had 5 dollars for every math test I have ever failed then I would have 37 dollars.
Funny Break Up Lines
Hey girl, you must be a math book because you’re full of problems.
Halloween Puns
Are any of the Halloween Monsters good at math?
Only if you Count Dracula.
Halloween Math
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o'-lantern by its diameter?

Pumpkin Pi.
Physics Puns
I love Physics, but I'm terrible at Math.
I hope in doesn't Matter.
Ant Puns
What kind of ant is good at math?
An account-ant.
Summer Puns
Where do math teachers normally like to go on summer vacation?
Times Square.
The Wife's Math
A woman comes home and find a letter from her husband on the dinner table. She opens it and reads: "My Dear Wife, You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, as a 54 year-old, can no longer satisfy. I'm very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. However, after reading this letter, I hope you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year-old secretary at the Comfort Inn. Please don't be upset, I shall be back before midnight." When the man came home late that night, he found a reply to his letter on the dining room table: "My Dear Husband, I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 54 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. I would like to inform you that, while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also an assistant tennis coach. He is young, virile and, like your secretary, he is 18. You, being a successful businessman with an excellent knowledge of maths, will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference - 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18...
Science Puns
What do math and history have in common?
They both teach people about inequalities.
Beaver Puns
Why are beavers so good in maths? They love log'arithms.
Toilet Puns
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.