“The average vacation is one-tenth playing—nine-tenths paying.”
–Arnold Glasow
“I am the only person in the world I should like to know thoroughly.”
– Oscar Wilde
“July is a blind date with summer.”
– Hal Borland
“Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches.”
Unknown
"When we put vegetables up for the winter, we use jars, but we call it canning. I find that jarring. And uncanny."
– Greg Tamblyn
"Life seems to fade our memory, so on this birthday I will forget yours if you forget mine!" - Kate Summers
"If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world."
– J.R.R. Tolkien
"Old age comes at a bad time." – San Banducci
“My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.” — Author Unknown
“Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers.”
Socrates
“I think yoga should be for everyone, not just the folks who change their name to something Hindu.” — Tara Stiles
"Wise men speak because they have something to say; fools because they have to say something."
- Plato
“My daughter just lost her first tooth, which is a very sweet moment for a dad. In retrospect, I do regret punching her so hard in the face.”
- Alan Cox.
“Every mile is two in winter.”
"Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it." - Golda Meir
“From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.”
- Jarod Kintz
“If you’re a zebra being chased by a lion, maybe just stop in front of a giant bar code?”
- Guy Endore-Kaiser.
"Americans will eat garbage provided you sprinkle it liberally with ketchup."
— Henry James
"At my age ‘getting lucky’ means walking into a room and remembering what I came in for." - Unknown
A Christian is a man who feels repentance on Sunday for what he did on Saturday and is going to do on Monday. -- Thomas Ybarra
“Hello, Monday! May I ask you a question? Why are you always back so quickly? Don’t you have a hobby?”
“Watching your daughter being collected by her date feels like handing over a million-dollar Stradivarius to a gorilla.”
- Jim Bishop.
"Yoga is a way of getting totally drunk – not on alcohol but on life."
- Sadhguru
“Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.”
Will Rogers
"Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs."
- Fran Lebowitz
“What is your favorite day of the week, and why it is your favorite day of the week? Mine is Tuesday because that means Monday is gone.”
"Love is a temporary insanity curable by marriage."
- Ambrose Bierce
"A bad cold wouldn't be so annoying if it weren't for the advice of our friends." - Kin Hubbard
“One would be in less danger, from the wiles of the stranger, if one’s own kin and kith, were more fun to be with.”
- Ogden Nash
“The downside of playing dumb is that you sound dumb.”
- Rachel Maddow
"The more you know, the dumber you sound to stupid people."
Anonymous
“At some point in life, the world’s beauty becomes enough.”
“Nothing compares to the stomach ache you get from laughing with friends.”
— Unknown
“There should be a rule against people trying to be funny before the sun comes up.”
– Kristen Chandler
"The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for." - Will Rogers
“I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.”
– Benjamin Franklin
"One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity, nothin' can beat teamwork."
- Edward Abbey
“If there is anyone to whom I owe money, I’m prepared to forget it if they are.” - Errol Flynn
“What turning forty means to me? I need to take my pants off as soon as I get home. I didn’t used to have to do that, but now I do.”
Tina Fey
"I don't believe in jogging. It extending your life, but by about the same amount of time you spend jogging."
Marshall Brickman
"People complain that there are delays on flights. Delays, really? New York to California in five hours, that used to take 30 years."
- Louis C.K.
“Camping is not a date; its an endurance test. If you can survive camping with someone, you should marry them on the way home.”
"Take the admission to the gym to avoid the admission to the hospital."
- Amit Kalantri
“To make a million, start with $900,000.” - Morton Shulman.
“Straight roads are for fast cars, turns are for fast drivers.”
— Colin McRae
"Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache."
- Mae West
Success is like toilet paper; it only seems important when you don’t have it.
Richard Jeni
“Yes, I deserve a spring – I owe nobody nothing."
– Virginia Woolf
“I love yoga, but the namaste thing only takes you so far.” — Jillian Michaels
“I have a passion for not cooking.”
― Unknown