“The more you’re loving and understanding, the more your kids will sing.”
- Maxime Lagacé
“My favorite animal is steak."
- Fran Lebowitz
“But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright Brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.”
- Carl Sagan
"There are no gardening mistakes, only experiments."
— Janet Kilburn Phillips
“The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco.
– Mark Twain
“I am convinced digestion is the great secret to life.”
Sydney Smith
“Undermine the entire economic structure of society by leaving the pay toilet door ajar so the next person can get in free.” - Taylor Meade
"Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses."
- Thomas Dewar
“I didn’t get this physique by not eating tacos.”
― Jon Tester
“It just occurred to me that the majority of my diet is made up of the foods that my kid didn’t finish.”
Carrie Underwood
“I won’t be impressed with technology until I can download food.”
― Unknown
"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities." - Dr. Seuss
"The most hopelessly stupid man is he who is not aware that he is wise."
Anonymous
“No matter how smart you are, you can never convince someone stupid that they are stupid.”
Anonymous
“I am the only person in the world I should like to know thoroughly.”
– Oscar Wilde
"Everyone is born equal in life, until they get married." — Anonymous
"Wait. Why am I thinking about Krispy Kremes? We're supposed to be exercising."
— Meg Cabot
“You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you are going, because you might not get there.”
Yogi Berra
“Good morning world! Your little ray of sarcastic sunshine has arrived.”
– Unknown
“Here in California, we passed a law against texting while driving. But there’s no law preventing you from writing a letter while driving.”
Craig Ferguson
"It’s easy to meet expenses, everywhere we go, there they are." ~ Anonymus
"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." - Truman Capote
“My wife tells me that if I ever decide to leave, she is coming with me.”
- Jon Bon Jovi
"If you want to know the correct way to perform an exercise, the answer is: Whatever hurts most."
- Jason Love.
I rang up a yoga instructor and asked which class I should take. She said, “How flexible are you?” I said, “I can’t do Tuesdays.” – Unknown
“If you want to be sure that you never forget your wife’s birthday, just try forgetting it once.” —Aldo Cammarota
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship." ― Sharon Stone
"If anyone is Christmas shopping for me, I wear a size 7-day Caribbean cruise."
"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore
"Running won't solve all your problems. But then again, neither will housework."
Unknown
“Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.”
Will Rogers
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
~ Drew Carey
“Namastay 6 feet away.” – Unknown
“Marriage is work. Marriage is a career. It's not an adventure, you do more before five than most folks do all day.”— Sinbad
“A lot of parents pack up their troubles and send them off to summer camp.”
– Raymond Duncan
“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.”
Phyllis Diller
"I'm so conflicted when my husband does the laundry. On one hand, he did the laundry. On the other, my clothes can now be sold at Gap Kids." - Molly McNearney
“The only yoga stretch I've perfected is the yawn.”
- Grant Tucker.
“If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?”
― Unknown
“Monday: nothing a bit of shopping can’t fix.”
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
Groucho Marx
“People who say they sleep like a baby usually don’t have one.”
- Leo Burke.
“All marriages are happy. It’s the living together afterward that causes all the trouble.” — Raymond Hull
“Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is the bicycle repair kit.”- Billy Connolly
“The fastest land mammal is a toddler who’s been asked what’s in their mouth.” – @ramblinma
"If hard work were such a wonderful thing, surely the rich would have kept it all to themselves." ~ Lane Kirkland
"Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed." — Albert Einstein
“When I was young, I loved summer and hated winter. When I got older I loved winter and hated summer. Now that I’m even older, and wiser, I hate both summer and winter.” — Jarod Kintz
"The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." - T.S. Elliot
“Have you ever noticed how parents can go from the most wonderful people in the world to totally embarrassing in three seconds?”—Rick Riordan, The Red Pyramid