“A day without yoga is like a sundae without sprinkles” — Emma Mildon
"Once the travel bug bites there is no known antitode, and I know that I shall be happily infected until the end of my life."
- Michael Palin
“Sending your kids to summer camp teaches them important life lessons... like, ‘You can deal with your problems by sending them to summer camp.’”
- Ari Fishbein.
“So few people admit to belief in astrology, but I am yet to meet anyone who doesn't know their star sign.”
― P.K. Shaw
"Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever you were gonna do anyway."
― Robert Downey Jr.
"The safe way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your pocket." ~ Kin Hubbard
“I think every kid thinks their dad is goofy.”
- Judd Apatow.
“My fashion philosophy is if you’re not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.”
- Elayne Boosler.
"When I was young, I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties, I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then, and I’m labeled senile." - George Burns
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell
I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.
David Lee Roth
“I love cleaning up messes I didn’t make. So I became a Mom.” – Unknown
"I have successfully completed the thirty-year transition from wanting to stay up late to just wanting to go to bed." - Unknown
“Cats have a scam going – you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away; that’s the deal.”
- Eddie Izzard.
“I saw a study that said speaking in front of a crowd is considered the number one fear of the average person. Number two was death. This means to the average person, if you have to be at a funeral, you would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.”
Jerry Seinfeld
“Good weather all week, but come the weekend, and the weather stinks. When the weather is too hot, they complain; too cold, they complain; and when it’s just right, they’re watching TV.”
— Rita Rudner
"If you text 'I love you' to a person and the person writes back an emoji — no matter what that emoji is, they don't love you back."
- Chelsea Peretti
“I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.”
Mark Twain
"I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."
- Marsha Doble
“I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” — Bill Gates
"Backpacking is money spent on education."
“Dear winter, stop being so romantic, I’m single here.”
"When you’re older, Friday means less parking spots." - Larry David
“Some people wake up drowsy. Some people wake up energized. I wake up dead.”
— James Marsden
"I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back." - Richard Lewis
“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben
"They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it." ~ Joseph Addison
“Babies: cry all flight long. Fall asleep during landing.”
“There is no sincerer love than the love of food.” —George Bernard Shaw
“I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance: waiting for the bathroom.”
Bob Hope
“The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist!”
– Russell Baker
“A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.” —Robert Benchley
“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.”
– Prince Philip
“I meditate and do yoga. I sit cross-legged and try not to levitate too much.” – Jeremy Brett
“There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."
Ben Williams
“From birth to age 18, a girl needs good parents, from 18 to 35 she needs good looks, from 35 to 55 she needs a good personality, and from 55 on she needs cash.” – Sophie Tucker
“Running a marathon takes balls, other sports just play with them.” – Unknown
"Some children threaten to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going." – Phyllis Diller
"No one betrays a Gemini and gets off without a sound ear-bashing."
— Richard MacDonald
“Behind every successful woman is a best friend giving her crazy ideas.”
— Unknown
“Yoga is too slow.” — Rob Gronkowski
“People that cheat on their taxes truly disgust me. This is not the world I want to raise my 27 dependents in.”
"I can sympathize with people's pains but not with their pleasures. There is something curiously boring about somebody else's happiness." - Aldous Huxley
“Your typical six-year-old is a paradoxical little person.”
- Louise Bates Ames.
“I just wanna kick it in the woods with my birches.”
Fame changes a lot of things, but it can't change a light bulb.
Gilda Radner
"I feel like most of my work problems could be solved with a trip to…anywhere."
“A lot of Thanksgiving Days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.” —Kin Hubbard
“I’ve always loved yoga because you get to connect to a deep religious truth while stretching your legs.” — Katya Zamolodchikova
"In some families, 'please' is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was 'sorry.'" - Margaret Laurence