“Good humor is a tonic for mind and body. It is the best antidote for anxiety and depression. It is a business asset. It attracts and keep friends. It lightens human burdens. It is the direct route to serenity and contentment.”
Greenville Kleisser
“If everything comes your way, you are in the wrong lane.”
“Keep calm and pretend it’s not Monday.”
“I believe in hard work. But, it will take some time to make this believe into a real thing!"
~ Anonymous
It's almost Summer! Time to find out what my friends with swimming pools have been up to since last summer...
“All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.” — Red Skelton
"Life is short. Running makes it seem longer."
Baron Hansen
“Always borrow money from a pessimist, he doesn’t expect to be paid back." ~Author Unknown
"Many so-called spiritual people, they overeat, drink too much, they smoke and don't exercise. But they do go to church every week and pray 'Please help my arthritis. Please help me bring up my strength, make me young again.'"
- Jack LaLanne
“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.” —Stephen Colbert
“I just wanna kick it in the woods with my birches.”
"A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something Brussels sprouts never do."
– P. J. O’Rourke
"A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken."
- James Dent
"Only on a cruise shiip will you pay hundreds of dollar a day to sleep in a closet."
“A failure is like fertilizer; it stinks to be sure, but it makes things grow faster in the future.”
Denis Waitley
“Buying your kid a goldfish is a great way to teach them about responsibility for 24-36 hours”
- Conan O’Brien.
“Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences.” — Isadora Duncan
“Yes officer I did see the speed limit sign, I just didn’t see you.”
"True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked." — Erich Segal
“Your body is not a temple, it’s an amusement park. Enjoy the ride.”
― Anthony Bourdain
"My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on." — Joan Rivers
“Never miss a good chance to shut up.”
Will Rogers
“She says you’re not awake until you’re actually out of bed and standing up.”
– Richelle Mead
“When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.”
Erma Bombeck
“A car’s weakest part is the nut holding the steering wheel.”
“The only exercise I’ve done this month is running out of money"
“Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” — Edgar Bergen
“Husband secretly lowers the thermostat and I secretly turn it back up. We both vehemently deny touching it. Marriage is fun.”—Stephanie Ortiz
"Being a good husband is like being a standup comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner." — Jerry Seinfeld
"They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it." ~ Joseph Addison
“Good weather all week, but come the weekend, and the weather stinks. When the weather is too hot, they complain; too cold, they complain; and when it’s just right, they’re watching TV.”
— Rita Rudner
“The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you are not in shape for it, its too far to walk back.”
Andy Rooney
“Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it." ~ David Lee Roth
“SMONDAY: The moment when Sunday stops feeling like a Sunday and the anxiety of Monday kicks in.”
“Sisters never quite forgive each other for what happened when they were five.”—Pam Brown
"Love is not having to hold in your farts anymore." — Bree Luckey
Claude Pepper
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
“Gardeners know the best dirt.”
— Anonymous
“Every day is National Donut Day if you put your mind to it.”
― Unknown
“Some people wake up drowsy. Some people wake up energized. I wake up dead.”
— James Marsden
"Good things come slow. Especially in distance running."
Bill Dellinger
“I married beneath me, all women do.”
—Nancy Astor
“Being a beaver is nice, if you’re hungry you just eat a piece of your home.”
― Unknown
“What do dogs do on their day off? Can’t lie around – that’s their job.”
- George Carlin.
“If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?"
– Steven Wright
“Do what we can, summer will have its flies.”
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Going on a hike is like having your car break down but on purpose."
- John Lyon
"It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta."
— Dave Barry
"When I feel like exercising I just lie down until the feeling goes away."
- Robert M. Hutchins.
"The taxpayer: that's someone who works for the federal government, but doesn't have to take a civil service examination."
- Ronald Reagan