“Like vinegar to the teeth, and smoke to the eyes, so are the lazy to their employers.” – Proverb 10:26
“Another day, another 13,000 calories.”
— Andy Lassner
"A clever person takes notice of everything; a stupid one makes a comment about everything."
- Heinrich Heine
“Sunshine and happiness go together like fish and chips!”
― Catherine Pulsifer
“We pretend to work because they pretend to pay us."
~ Anonymous
“What Yoga really is… Spending an entire hour trying not to fart.”— Anonymous
“I didn’t get this physique by not eating tacos.”
― Jon Tester
“The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.” —Anne Bancroft
"You know it’s time for a vacation when you start looking like the person on your driving license…"
“I’m tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.” — Shaquille O’Neal
“When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.”
Will Rogers
"I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol."- Steven Write
“If only God would give me a clear sign, like making a large deposit in my swiss bank account." ~ Woody Allen
“Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose.”
— Evan Esar
“Driving at night is about communicating with lights.”
— Lukhman Pambra
“Do what we can, summer will have its flies.”
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don't forget food. You can go a week without laughing."
— Joss Whedon
“Never underestimate the therapeutic power of driving and listening to very loud music.”
"Life is short. Running makes it seem longer."
Baron Hansen
“Sorry for what I said before I yoga-ed.” – Unknown
“After a good dinner, one can forgive anybody, even one’s own relations.” —Oscar Wilde
"Self-care is giving the world the best of you instead of what’s left of you."
— Katie Reed
“I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline powered turtleneck sweater. And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too.” – Steve Martin
“Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women; a little bit of support and a little bit of freedom.” - Jerry Seinfeld
“Parenthood…it’s about guiding the next generation and forgiving the last.”
- Peter Krause.
"It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, snowblower, or vacuum cleaner." – Ben Bergor
“Laughter rises out of tragedy, when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.”
Erma Bombeck
“Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can’t see.”
"Parenthood is a lot easier to get into then out of." – Bruce Lansky
"The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible."
— Jean Kerr
"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile. -- Billy Sunday
“Thanksgiving: Bringing out the best in family dysfunction since 1863.” -Unknown
“Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.” — Peter Drucker
"I'm so conflicted when my husband does the laundry. On one hand, he did the laundry. On the other, my clothes can now be sold at Gap Kids." - Molly McNearney
“Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.”
— Punit Ghadge
“Half the modern could drugs well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them.”
Unknown
“Early to bed, early to rise, work like hell and fertilize!”
— Anonymous
“I got to go home for Thanksgiving and sit at the adults’ table. That’s ’cause, you know, somebody had to die for me to move up a plate.” —Andre Kelley
“I have an everyday religion that works for me. Love yourself first, and everything else falls into line.”
– Lucille Ball
“My fashion philosophy is if you’re not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.”
- Elayne Boosler.
"Runner's logic: I'm tired. Let me go for a run."
Unknown
"You don't pay taxes ― they take taxes."
― Chris Rock
“Aquarians are sort of unorthodox, original people — sort of wack, witty mad-caps who refuse to follow the crowd and go their own way.”
— Joanna Martine Woolfolk
“90% of parenting is just thinking about when you can lie down again.” - Anonymous
"The safe way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your pocket." ~ Kin Hubbard
"If all the rich people in the world divided up their money among themselves, there wouldn’t be enough to go around." ~ Christina Stead
“Take a deep breath and try to relax. I promise – Monday will be over soon.”
"The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.” — Robert Frost
"Love is sharing your popcorn."
- Charles Schultz.