“It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you.” — Dwight D. Eisenhower
“There were times my pants were so thin I could sit on a dime and tell if it was heads or tails.” -Spencer Tracy quotes
“The most delightful advantage of being bald—one can hear snowflakes.”
– R. G. Daniels
"Take the admission to the gym to avoid the admission to the hospital."
- Amit Kalantri
“Summer vacation: where you drink triple, see double and act single.”
“Sleeping bags are the most soft tacos of the bear’s world.”
“If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.”
George Burns
“I’m glad I don’t have to hunt my own food, I don’t even know where sandwiches live.”
― Unknown
By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong.
Charles Wadsworth
“It just occurred to me that the majority of my diet is made up of the foods that my kid didn’t finish.”
Carrie Underwood
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”—Wayne Huizenga
"You get two for the price of one when you are a Gemini."
— Karan Johar
“My husband and I have never considered divorce… murder sometimes, but never divorce.”—Dr. Joyce Brothers
“Early to bed, early to rise, work like hell and fertilize!”
— Anonymous
“Mix a little foolishness with your serious plans. It is lovely to be silly at the right moment.”
- Horace
"If you run 100 miles a week, you can eat anything you want. Why? Because (a) you'll burn all the calories you consume, (b) you deserve it, and (c) you'll be injured soon and back on a restricted diet anyway."
Don Kardong
Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.
Oscar Wilde
“When Chuck Norris does yoga, the sun salutes him.” – Unknown
"So you see, my son, there is a very fine line between love and nausea." - King Jaffe Joffer, 'Coming to America'
Will Ferell
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did – in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car.
"Day in and day out, your tax accountant can make or lose more money than any single person in your life with the possible exception of your kids."
― Harvey Mackay
“So few people admit to belief in astrology, but I am yet to meet anyone who doesn't know their star sign.”
― P.K. Shaw
“I’m stuck between “I need to save money.” and “You only live once.”” – Anonymous
“I’ve noticed that one thing about parents is that no matter what stage your child is in, the parents who have older children always tell you the next stage is worse.”
- Dave Barry.
"Most people work just hard enough to not get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit." ~ George Carline
“Running a marathon takes balls, other sports just play with them.” – Unknown
“The mud will wash off but the memories will last a lifetime.”
“This crisp winter air is full of it.” – John Burroughs
"Life seems to fade our memory, so on this birthday I will forget yours if you forget mine!" - Kate Summers
“Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives.”
- Sue Murphy.
"Don’t stay in bed unless you make money in bed." ~ George Burns
"If I hold a can of soda up to my ear and listen carefully, I can hear my bones pleading for a glass of milk."
– Bridger Winegar
“Summer bachelors like summer breezes, are never as cool as they pretend to be.”
– Nora Ephron
"In some families, 'please' is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was 'sorry.'" - Margaret Laurence
"I love those days when my only decision is whether to go to the beach in the morning or in the afternoon."
Stuart Turner“
“I tell you what always catches my eye. Short people with an umbrella.”
“Sorry for what I said before I yoga-ed.” – Unknown
“Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still?” — J. Paul Getty
“If minutes were kept of a family gathering, they would show that “Members not Present” and “Subjects Discussed” were one and the same.”
- Robert Brault
“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.” —Prince Philip
“Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.”
Steve Martin
"What did the carrot say to the wheat?
Lettuce rest, I'm feeling beet."
- Shel Silverstein
“If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?”
– Albert Einstein
"Nobody expects to trust his body much after the age of fifty." - Alexander Hamilton
“Apologizing in advance for the things I say this winter.”
“Cancers are Moonchildren; totally influenced by the waxing and waning cycles of the Moon. Asking them to remain in one feeling, one mood, or one state of mind is pure insanity.”
— Sherene Schostak
“When I was young I thought money was the most important thing in life; now that I’m old, I know it is." ~ Oscar Wilde
“Mondays are a lot like getting fat. They make you feel sad, sometimes angry and there is not much scope for liking either fat or Mondays for any reason.”
– Garry Moll
"Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you're probably watching the wrong channel."
“Bring a compass. It’s awkward when you have to eat your friends.”