“Money often costs too much." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Doctors are always working to preserve our health and cooks to destroy it, but the latter are the more often successful." - Denis Diderot
“Perhaps one reason we are fascinated by cats is because such a small animal can contain so much independence, dignity, and freedom of spirit. Unlike the dog, the cat’s personality is never bet on a human’s. He demands acceptance on his own terms.”
- Lloyd Alexander.
“A tourist is a fellow who drives thousands of miles so he can be photographed standing in front of his car.”
– Emile Ganest
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
“People who never do any more than they get paid for, never get paid for any more than they do.” — Elbert Hubbard
“Never underestimate the therapeutic power of driving and listening to very loud music.”
“After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF.” — Anonymous
“Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.”
Homer Simpson
"Love is blind; friendship tries not to notice."
— Otto von Bismarck
"Stop worrying about the potholes in the road and enjoy the journey."
– Babs Hoffman
“Friends give you a shoulder to cry on. But best friends are ready with a shovel to hurt the person that made you cry.”
— Unknown
“My formula for success is rise early, work late and strike oil.” JP Getty.
“Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare.”
- Ed Asner.
“Money isn’t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children." ~ J. Paul Getty
“When there’s snow on the ground L like to pretend I'm walking on clouds.”
"I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying."
- Oscar Wilde
“You’re not truly a parent until you’ve yelled at your kid for drinking fluid on a road trip because now they have to pee again.”
— Abe Yospe
"I’m so hot that I contribute to global warming."
It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.
Andy Borowitz
"Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up." - John Wagner
“A stupid man’s report of what a clever man says can never be accurate because he unconsciously translates what he hears into something he can understand.”
- Bertrand Russell
“I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline powered turtleneck sweater. And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too.” – Steve Martin
"I’m so poor I can’t pay attention." ~ Ron Kittle
I have a love interest in every one of my films: a gun.
Arnold Schwarzenegger
“Me to my students every day: Close your eyes. If you can still see me, it could be a sign that your eyes are still open.” – Unknown
“The only exercise I’ve done this month is running out of money"
"I love when my kids tells me they’re bored. As if the lady standing in front of a full sink of dirty dishes is where you go to get ideas about how to have a good time." – Unknown
"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt." Charles M. Schulz, creator of Peanuts
"How many Taureans does it take to change a lamp? None. Taureans don't like to change anything."
“Sorry, I can’t hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.”
— Harvey Specter
"The politicians say 'we' can't afford a tax cut. Maybe we can't afford the politicians."
— Steve Forbes
"Love is sharing your popcorn."
- Charles Schultz.
“I bought a new jacket for a hiking trip. It’s called a trail blazer.”
“Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.”
– George Carlin
“Marriage is our last, best chance to grow up.” - Joseph Barth
“If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?”
- Milton Berle.
"I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor"- Joan Rivers
They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.
Clint Eastwood
“We’ve all done this because we’re so mature. You see a cow on the side of the road, stick your head out the window and go, “Mooooo!” Like we expect the cow to think, “Hey, there’s another cow, driving that car! How can he afford that?”
- Garry Shandling.
“When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.”
Erma Bombeck
"And I want to thank you for all the enjoyment you've taken out of it."
"Promises and pie-crust are made to be broken."
— Jonathan Swift
“Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.”
- Phyllis Diller.
"If all the rich people in the world divided up their money among themselves, there wouldn’t be enough to go around." ~ Christina Stead
“The reward for good work is more work.” – Francesca Elisia
“In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat.”
- Anna Quindlen
"Everyone is born equal in life, until they get married." — Anonymous
“I’ve got 99 problems and I’m gonna go to yoga and solve about 53 of them.” -Unknown
“I’d like to have a kid, but I’m not sure I’m ready to spend 10 years of my life constantly asking someone where his shoes are.”
Damien Fahey