"Love is sharing your popcorn."
- Charles Schultz.
"Congress can raise taxes because it can persuade a sizable fraction of the populace that somebody else will pay."
- Milton Friedman
"My wife is really sentimental. One Valentine’s Day I gave her a ring and to this day she has never forgotten those three little words that were engraved inside — Made in Taiwan." — Leopold Fetchner
“Friendship is not a big thing, it’s a million little things.”
— Unknown
“You are in control. Never allow your Monday to be manic.”
— Andrea L’Artiste
“I know family comes first, but shouldn’t that mean after breakfast?”
- Jeff Lindsay.
“Mondays are mundane, like Tuesdays minus 24 hours.”
— Jarod Kintz
“It’s especially hard to admit that you made a mistake to your parents, because, of course, you know so much more than they do.”—Sean Covey, The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective Teens
“Best Friend: One million memories, ten thousand inside jokes, one hundred shared secrets.”
— Unknown
"Without ice cream, there would be darkness and chaos."
– Don Kardong
“An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.”
― Unknown
“I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance: waiting for the bathroom.”
Bob Hope
“I come from a stupid family. During the Civil War, my great uncle fought for the west!”
Rodney Dangerfield
"Military justice is to justice what military music is to music."
“Ah, summer, what power you have to make us suffer and like it.”
-Russell Baker
"If you can survive 11 days in cramped quarters with a friend and come out laughing, your friendship is the real deal."
— Oprah Winfrey
“An archeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.”—Agatha Christie.
“Think of how stupid the average person is and realize half of them are stupider than that.”
– George Carlin
“After a good dinner, one can forgive anybody, even one’s own relations.” —Oscar Wilde
A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, "At my age, I don't even buy green bananas."
Claude Pepper
“Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?”
– Peg Bracken
“That’s not how Aquarians operate. They don’t do things steadily, they are running about one day then comatose the next.”
— Mary English
Of all the books in the world, the best stories are found between the pages of a passport.
“Moist groaned. It was the crack of seven and he was allergic to the concept of two seven o’clocks in one day.”
— Terry Pratchett
“Trying to do your own taxes is like a do-it-yourself mugging.”
"It's unsticking-your-thighs-from-a-plastic-chair season"
“Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.” — Ambrose Bierce
"Between men and women, there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship."
- Oscar Wilde
A Christian is a man who feels repentance on Sunday for what he did on Saturday and is going to do on Monday. -- Thomas Ybarra
“Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches.”
Unknown
“Yoga is not about tightening your ass. It’s about getting your head out of it.” — Eric Paskel
"If you were to open up a baby’s head – and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should – you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland." – Dave Barry
“Dogs teach us a very important lesson in life: the mailman is not to be trusted.”—Sian Ford
“You are one yoga class away from a good mood.” – Unknown
"Love is a two-way street constantly under construction."
- Carroll Bryant.
"Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches." - V.L. Allineare
"A good run is like a cup of coffee. I'm much nicer after I've had one."
Unknown
"I'm so conflicted when my husband does the laundry. On one hand, he did the laundry. On the other, my clothes can now be sold at Gap Kids." - Molly McNearney
“Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.” – Red Buttons
“Parenting is a cult. And as a cult member, you can try to explain it to other people, but we just appear like lunatics.” – Jim Gaffigan
“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.”
W. C. Fields
“I’ve got seven kids, the three words you hear most around my house are: “Hello, goodbye, and I’m pregnant”.
- Dean Martin.
“There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate.”
Linda Grayson
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
“Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy beer." ~ Gary Reilly
“Always borrow money from a pessimist, he doesn’t expect to be paid back." ~Author Unknown
“When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.”
- Nora Ephron.
“I like tea and yoga, but I don’t do yoga.” – Moby
“Work is a necessity for man. Man invented the alarm clock."
~ Pablo Picasso
"I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty."