“Smiling is mouth yoga.” — Thich Nhat Hanh
“Every day is National Donut Day if you put your mind to it.”
― Unknown
“Fan the sinking flame of hilarity with the wing of friendship; and pass the rosy wine.”
— Charles Dickens
“Thanksgiving: Bringing out the best in family dysfunction since 1863.” -Unknown
“Never stand between a dog and the fire hydrant.”—John Peer
“Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted the whole day.”—Mickey Rooney
“Marriage is an attempt to solve problems together which you didn’t even have when you were on your own.”—Eddie Cantor
"Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others."
“Three rebels against the light: the thief, the adulterer, and the bat.”
- Hebrew Proverb.
“Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man’s lifetime income – which he then spends sending his son to college.” — Bill Vaughn
There are five stages in the life of an actor: Who’s Mary Astor? … Get me Mary Astor… Get me a Mary Astor type… Get me a young Mary Astor… Who’s Mary Astor?
Mary Astor
“When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘D***, that was fun.'”
— Groucho Marx
We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
Rodney Dangerfield
“No matter how much time you spend reading books or following your intuition, you’re gonna screw it up. Fifty times. You can’t do parenting right.”
- Alan Arkin.
“I always give 100% at Work: 10% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 22% Thursday, and 5% Friday.” –Anonymous
“Life begins at 40 – but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.”
Helen Rowland
“I’m actually banned from the Himalayas, because I’m too good at yoga.” – Judah Friedlander
"What does the letter "A" have in common with a flower?
They both have bees coming after them."
- Kim Roblin
“Morning is wonderful. Its only drawback is that it comes at such an inconvenient time of day.”
— Glen Cook
“Jet lag is for amateurs.”
— Dick Clark
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." —Mark Twain
“What strange creatures brothers are!”—Jane Austen
“The only reason a great many American families don't own an elephant is that they have never been offered an elephant for a dollar down and easy weekly payments."
- Mad Magazine
When I was a kid, I had two friends, and they were imaginary and they would only play with each other.
Rita Rudner
“What on earth would I do if four bears came into my camp? Why, I would die of course. Literally sh** myself lifeless.” – Bill Bryson
"Never eat more than you can lift"- Miss Piggy.
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"I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren't in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets."- Dolly Parton
“I’ve always loved yoga because you get to connect to a deep religious truth while stretching your legs.” — Katya Zamolodchikova
“If A equals success, then the formula is A = X + Y + Z. Where X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut.” — Albert Einstein
"One meditator to another: Are you not thinking what I’m not thinking?" – Unknown
“Saw a chameleon today so I'm assuming it wasn't a very good one." - Unknown Author
"What a man needs in gardening is a cast-iron back, with a hinge in it."
- Charles Dudley Warner
“I really regret going to a Yoga class today… said no one ever.” — Unknown
“At the end of a rainbow, there’s a pot of gold. But when the weekend comes to an end, there’s only a Monday.”
“My son is now an ‘entrepreneur.’ That’s what you’re called when you don’t have a job.” – Ted Turner
“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” - Groucho Marx
"A guy knows he's in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days." Tim Allen
“The great advantage of living in a large family is that early lesson of life’s essential unfairness.”
- Nancy Mitford
"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."
"Because I always say, if you're married for 50 years, and 10 of them are horrible, you're doing really good!" —Michelle Obama
“As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.”
Sir Norman Wisdom
“The biggest thing I remember is that there was just no transition. You hit the ground diapering.”
- Paul Reiser.
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
~ Drew Carey
Woddy Allen
Honolulu – it’s got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife’s mother.
"Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined." - Samuel Goldwyn
“Beat the 5 o’clock rush, leave work at noon.” — Anonymous
“Parents of newborn babies are basically hostages in their own house with a severe case of Stockholm Syndrome.”
- Nate Smith.
“I intend to live forever. So far, so good.”
Steven Wright
"Know your worth, and then make sure to add tax."
“When a fellow says it ain’t the money but the principle of the thing, it’s the money.” – Artemus Ward
“Children really brighten up a household. They never turn the lights off.”
- Ralph Bus.