"I go running when I have to. Like when the ice cream truck is doing sixty."
Wendy Liebman
"Calming the mind is yoga. Not just standing on the head."
- Swami Satchidananda
“Dear winter, I’m breaking up with you. I think it’s time I start seeing other seasons. Summer is hotter than you.”
"Don't make love by the garden gate - love is blind, but the neighbours ain't." - Anonymous
“I don’t have to look up my family tree, because I know that I’m the sap.”—Fred Allen
“Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.” – Earl Nightingale
“What brothers say to tease their sisters has nothing to do with what they really think of them.”—Esther Friesner
"Marriage is a bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them." - Anonymous
“I just want to be friends. Plus a little extra. Also, I love you.” - Dwight Schrute, 'The Office'
“When I’m under stress, I do yoga. It’s when I’m happiest that I have a problem with junk food.” — Britney Spears
“Be a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet on the inside.”
“Welcome, winter. Your late dawns and chilled breath make me lazy, but I love you nonetheless. ” — Terri Guillemets
“Yoga pants. Because jeans are stressful and you don’t need that in your life.” -Unknown
"Children are a great comfort in your old age- and they help you reach it faster too." – Lionel Kauffman
“Venice is like eating an entire box of chocolate liqueurs in one go.”
— Truman Capote
"I’m staying home today. I have mood poisoning."
“I like football. I find it’s an exciting strategic game. It’s a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving.” —Craig Ferguson
“The downside of playing dumb is that you sound dumb.”
- Rachel Maddow
“The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it.” — Groucho Marx
“The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you’re finished.” – Groucho Marx
"Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly payment is due." ~Author Unknown
“Coexistence: What the farmer does with the turkey—until Thanksgiving.” —Mike Connolly
"Fitness: If it came in a bottle, everyone would have a great body."
- Cher.
“If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.”
Theodore Roosevelt
“A cookie a day keeps the sadness away. An entire jar of cookies a day brings it back.”
― Unknown
“You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine'.”
― Tommy Cooper
“It’s a shame that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day is work. He can’t eat for eight hours; he can’t drink for eight hours; he can’t make love for eight hours. The only thing a man can do for eight hours is work.” — William Faulkner
“Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.”
Homer Simpson
"They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it." ~ Joseph Addison
"My inner advisor is dying to heal me." - Astrid Alauda
“It’s just the most amazing thing to love a dog, isn’t it? It makes our relationships with people seem as boring as a bowl of oatmeal.”—John Grogan
“When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets because stressed spelled backward is desserts.”
― Unknown
"If all the rich people in the world divided up their money among themselves, there wouldn’t be enough to go around." ~ Christina Stead
“Grandparents are there to help the child get into mischief they haven’t thought of yet.”—Gene Perret
"Let's have a moment of silence for all those Americans who are stuck in traffic on their way to the gym to ride the stationary bicycle."
- Earl Blumenauer.
"Know your worth, and then make sure to add tax."
“I don’t like to commit myself about heaven and hell — you see, I have friends in both places."
— Mark Twain
"I'm happier than a seagull with a french fry"
“Some people wake up drowsy. Some people wake up energized. I wake up dead.”
— James Marsden
"The dumbest people I know are those who Know It All."
– Malcolm Forbes
“A man’s womenfolk, whatever their outward show of respect for his merit and authority, always regard him secretly as an ass, and with something akin to pity.”
- H. L. Mencken.
“Being part of a family means smiling for photos.” –Harry Morgan
“Excercise? I thought you said extra fries.”
“Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.”
- Douglas Adams.
"Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read." – George Burns
“Having children is like living in a frat house — nobody sleeps, everything s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.”
- Ray Romano.
“The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches."
~ Bove’s Theorem
“All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy." ~ Spike Milligan
“What’s worth doing is worth doing for money.” –Gordon Gekko (Michael Douglas) Wall Street
“Did you know the actual difference between hill and hell is just a fine line?”