“Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.”
Steve Martin
“Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still?"
~ J. Paul Getty
"Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened." - Jennifer Yane
On the other hand, the Bible contains much that is relevant today, like Noah taking 40 days to find a place to park. -- Curtis McDougall
“Camping is not a date; its an endurance test. If you can survive camping with someone, you should marry them on the way home.”
“I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it by not dying.”
Woody Allen
"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception."
“Millionaires don't use Astrology, billionaires do.”
― J.P. Morgan
“Why do people say they wish every day was Friday? If it was always Friday, we’d be here every freakin’ day.” — Ed Bernard
"The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back"- Franklin P. Jones
“If you don’t annoy your big sister for no good reason from time to time, she thinks you don’t love her anymore.”—Pearl Cleage
“To be clever enough to get a great deal of money, one must be stupid enough to want it.”
- George Bernard Shaw
“Today’s good mood is sponsored by yoga.” – Unknown
“You can always tell about somebody by the way they put their hands on an animal.”
- Betty White.
“An apple a day keeps the doctor away, But if the doctor is cute forget the fruit.”
Sammie
“I don’t want any yes-men around me. I want everybody to tell me the truth even if it costs them their job.”
Samuel Goldwyn
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me... they're cramming for their final exam. -- George Carlin
“Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.”
Dale Carnegie
“Before I got married, I had six theories about raising children; now I have six children and no theories.”—John Wilmot
“Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair." ~Sam Ewing
“A messy house is a must—it separates your true friends from other friends. Real friends are there to visit you not your house!”
— Jennifer Wilson
“Do you think I’m crazy? You should see me with my best friend.”
— Unknown
“Being part of a family means smiling for photos.” –Harry Morgan
"The best way to garden is to put on a wide-brimmed straw hat and some old clothes. And with a hoe in one hand and a cold drink in the other, tell somebody else where to dig."
- Texas Bix Bender, Don't Throw in the Trowel
To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.
Reba McEntire
“I’m not aging, I just need repotting.”
— Anonymous
“They say that there can never be two snowflakes that are exactly alike, but has anyone checked lately?”
– Terry Pratchett
“I’m tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.” — Shaquille O’Neal
“Money and women. They’re two of the strongest things in the world. The things you do for a woman you wouldn’t do for anything else. Same with money.” — Satchel Paige
“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”
- Erma Bombeck
“Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.” - Kathy Mohnke
“When you’re in love, it’s the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life.”—Richard Lewis
The idea is to die young as late as possible.
Montagu's Maxim
“Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.”
— Anonymous
“Money’s only something you need in case you don’t die tomorrow.” – Carl Fox (Martin Sheen)Wall Street
“Fact. Pisces is the most wobbly sign of the zodiac.”
— Mary English
“Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.” — Will Rogers
“Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn’t be done.” – Sam Ewing
“Everyone wants me to be a morning person. I could be one, only if morning began after noon.”
— Tony Smite
"I have been to almost as many places as my luggage."
"The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."
- Albert Einstein
"Resting is a part of the process, even if it’s not a part of the plan."
— Carley Schweet
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"I like swimming in a sun shirt. People always look at me like I fell in the pool"
– Jim Gaffigan
“Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern…like bad wallpaper.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche.
“Keep calm and ommm… nonommm…” — Anonymous
“It’s just another manic Monday. I wish it was Sunday. ‘Cause, that’s my fun day. My, I don’t have to run day.”
— Prince Rogers Nelson
“Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.” – Earl Nightingale
"Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-brake on."
- Maxwell Maltz
“I finally know what distinguishes man from other beasts: financial worries.” – Jules Renard
“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."
~ Erma Bombeck