"Is taco yoga a thing yet? Someone get on that."
- Chisty Lowe
"I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining."
“Marriage is our last, best chance to grow up.” - Joseph Barth
Did anybody ever consider that cannibalism would resolve both overpopulation – and world hunger?
“If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.”
– Betty Reese
“Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.”
— Oprah Winfrey
“I come from a stupid family. During the Civil War, my great uncle fought for the west!”
Rodney Dangerfield
“The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.”
Demetri Martin
“A child is a curly dimpled lunatic." – Ralph Emerson
“The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.” —Anne Bancroft
"Women love a self-confident bald man."
- Larry David.
“Roadtripophobia (n.) The fear of not having any road trips currently booked.“
“A good friend just told me that the key to a successful marriage was to argue naked! I’m gonna do that from now on, when that rarely happens.”
— LeAnn Rimes
“As a child, my family’s menu consisted of two choices take it or leave it.”
- Buddy Hacket
"Life seems to fade our memory, so on this birthday I will forget yours if you forget mine!" - Kate Summers
"Don't make love by the garden gate - love is blind, but the neighbours ain't." - Anonymous
“Yoga class? I thought you said ‘pour a glass’.” – Unknown
“It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you.” — Dwight D. Eisenhower
"I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me"- Fred Allen.
"I'm happier than a seagull with a french fry"
“Morning will come, it has no choice.”
— Marty Rubin
“Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.”
- George Benard Shaw
“Today’s good mood is sponsored by yoga.” – Unknown
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
“Unemployment is capitalism’s way of getting you to plant a garden."
~ Orson Scott Card
“It’s like you trade the virility of the body for the agility of the spirit.” – Elizabeth Lesser
“I used to work at McDonald’s making minimum wage. You know what thay means? You know what your boss was trying to say? It’s like, ‘Hey if I could pay you less, I would, but it’s against the law.’” – Chris Rock
"Husbands are like wine, they take a long time to mature." —Donatella in Letters to Juliet
“Respect your parents. These guys pay for your internet.”—Unknown
“Why do people say they wish every day was Friday? If it was always Friday, we’d be here every freakin’ day.” — Ed Bernard
“When I figured out how to work my grill, it was quite a moment. I discovered that summer is a completely different experience when you know how to grill.”
— Taylor Swift
“A father is someone who carries pictures in his wallet where his money used to be” — unknown
"Staying in bed all day is my way of saving money." ~ Anonymous
“Somedays you eat salad and go do Yoga. Somedays you eat cupcakes and refuse to put on pants. This is called balance.” — Unknown
"I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do." - Phyllis Diller
“I believe in hard work. But, it will take some time to make this believe into a real thing!"
~ Anonymous
"The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back."
Franklin Jones
“I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”
– Steven Wright
“Nurse: handing me a newborn You got this? Me: Sometimes I have to dig through the trash to re-read the instructions for mac ‘n’ cheese” – @mommy_cusses
Funny Inspirational and Motivational Quotes
“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.”
Zig Ziglar
“My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60. Now he’s 97 years old and we have no clue where he is.”
“Good Morning! Open your mouth wide! I’ll just keep going and put that coffee right in there!”
– Unknown
“I owe much; I have nothing; the rest I leave to the poor.” - Francois Rebelais
"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has limits."
Anonymous
“This crisp winter air is full of it.” – John Burroughs
“A yawn is a silent scream for coffee…”
– Unknown
“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily.” – Zig Ziglar
“A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.” —Robert Benchley
"No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early"
“You’re making it difficult for me to be the parent I always imagined I would be." - Anonymous