“There is no sincerer love than the love of food.” —George Bernard Shaw
How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg.
Abraham Lincoln
“Camping is not a date; its an endurance test. If you can survive camping with someone, you should marry them on the way home.”
I saw a twinkle in her eye I have not seen since the neighbor children discovered our new electric fence.
David Hyde Pierce
“My fashion philosophy is if you’re not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.”
- Elayne Boosler.
“My husband and I have never considered divorce… murder sometimes, but never divorce.”—Dr. Joyce Brothers
“Friendship is like money, easier made than kept.”
– Samuel Butler
“Mondays are mundane, like Tuesdays minus 24 hours.”
— Jarod Kintz
“When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.“
Rodney Dangerfield
My favorite outdoor activity is the short walk back inside.
“You drink too much. Cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You’re everything I ever wanted in a friend.”
— Unknown
“One measure of friendship consists not in the number of things friends can discuss, but in the number of things they need no longer mention.”
— Clifton Fadiman
"We travel, initially, to lose ourselves, and we travel, next to find ourselves."
- Pico Iyer
“I really need a day in-between Sunday and Monday.”
“I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.”
Zach Galifianakis
"A truly appreciative child will break, lose, spoil, or fondle to death any really successful gift within a matter of minutes." – Russell Lynes
“When I hear somebody sigh, “Life is hard”, I am always tempted to ask, “Compared to what?””
– Sydney Harris
“Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” — Edgar Bergen
“My nickname is ‘Mom’, but my full name is ‘Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom’.”
Unknown
“I might look like I am listening to you, but in my mind, I am hiking.”
“I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we’re having cake.”
― Unknown
“If you know how many cupcakes I’m holding behind my back I’ll give you both of them.”
― Unknown
“No matter how much time you spend reading books or following your intuition, you’re gonna screw it up. Fifty times. You can’t do parenting right.”
- Alan Arkin.
"My routine is to ride that snooze button as far as it will take me, take a quick shower, get dressed in the dark and bolt out the door."
— Willie Geist
"Money without brains is always dangerous." ~ Napoleon Hill
"A man is only as old as the woman he feels."
"Driving fast on the track does not scare me. What scares me is when I drive on the highway I get passed by some idiot who thinks he is Fangio."
– Juan Manuel Fangio
"Ships at a distance have every man’s wish on board."
- Zora Neale Hurston
“As I learned from growing up, you don’t mess with your grandmother.”—Prince William
"My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit."
- Phyllis Dille
"Let's have a moment of silence for all those Americans who are stuck in traffic on their way to the gym to ride the stationary bicycle."
- Earl Blumenauer.
“If there are ice cream trucks in the summer then why aren’t there Starbucks trucks in the winter?”
“Don't be so humble – you are not that great.”
Golda Meir
“Thanksgiving is so called because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year.” — P.J. O’Rourke
"You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jelly beans."
— Ronald Reagan
"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception."
“There’s no such thing as ready. You just jump on a moving train and you try not to die.”
- A Dad, ‘What To Expect When You Are Expecting.’
"Either he's dead or my watch has stopped."
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?”
– Milton Berle
“Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.” – Earl Nightingale
“We live by the Golden Rule. Those who have the gold make the rules." ~Buzzie Bavasi
"Life is too short for self-hatred and celery sticks."
– Marilyn Wann
“Friends give you a shoulder to cry on. But best friends are ready with a shovel to hurt the person that made you cry.”
— Unknown
“12 weeks old: when your kid is young enough to fall asleep on your chest, yet long enough to kick you in the nuts at the same time.” – Lin-Manuel Miranda
“My Week is like: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Blink, Monday.”
“I’m just a Sagittarius, and we’re kind of spontaneous.
So let’s head out to Vegas and find an Elvis to marry us.”
— Andy Grammer, “Blame It on the Stars”
"Regrets are the natural property of grey hairs." - Charles Dickens
“Monday is almost Tuesday, which is not so far from Wednesday which is neighboring Thursday, and Friday. Enjoy your day!”
“Some mornings I wake up grouchy. Other mornings I just let him sleep.”—Unknown
"Why do we love the sea? It is because it has some potent power to make us think things we like to think."
- Robert Henri