"Yoga class helps me calm down from the agonizing stress of trying to get to yoga class on time."
– Sadhguru
“A good friend will always stab you in the front.”
— Oscar Wilde
“Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings … and lawyers.”—Richard Pryor
“For every tax problem, there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated-and wrong.”
Some things have to be believed to be seen. -- Ralph Hodgson
"I firmly believe the death tax is good for people from all walks of life all throughout our society."
— George W. Bush
“I married beneath me, all women do.”
—Nancy Astor
“There is no worse parent than an unhappy parent!”
― Rossana Condoleo
A child is a curly, dimpled lunatic.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
“I owe much; I have nothing; the rest I leave to the poor.” - Francois Rebelais
“Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants.” —Kevin James
“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.”
― Charles M. Schulz
“You can always tell when a man's well informed. His views are pretty much like your own.”
H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
"Most entrepreneurs would rather have root canal surgery without anesthesia than go through the nightmare that is tax return preparation."
— Nina Kaufman
"The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible."
— Jean Kerr
“Unemployment is capitalism’s way of getting you to plant a garden."
~ Orson Scott Card
“There is nowhere morning does not go.”
– Leah Hager Cohen
This is the sort of English up with which I will not put.
Winston Churchill
"If we shake out all of the crumbs from all of the keyboards in the world, we can end world hunger."
— Matthew Dolkart
“We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.” - Henry Youngman
"In the morning a man walks with his whole body; in the evening, only with his legs."
— Ralph Waldo Emerson
“A woman is like a tea bag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.”
Eleanor Roosevelt
"You are a smart cookie. A wise chocolate cake. A brilliant pancake.” - Rey Woodman
“Dogs teach us a very important lesson in life: the mailman is not to be trusted.”—Sian Ford
People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.
A.A Milne
"The safe way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your pocket." ~ Kin Hubbard
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.”
- Mark Twain.
"There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one." ~ Jack Yelton
"The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails."
- William Arthur Ward
"It wasn't love at first sight. It took a full five minutes." Lucille Ball
"Men do not quit playing because they grow old—they grow old because they quit playing." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
"Stupid is when you spend 18 hours trying to drown a fish."
Anonymous
"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." - Truman Capote
“The best way to get a puppy is to beg for a baby brother—and they will settle for a puppy every time.”—Winston Pendelton
"I feel like most of my work problems could be solved with a trip to…anywhere."
“Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.”
– William Shakespeare
“Spring is nature’s way of saying, ‘Let’s party!’”
– Robin Williams
“When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.”—Erma Bombeck
"If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world."
– J.R.R. Tolkien
Bill Murray
“Do you ever get halfway through eating a horse and go ‘you know, I’m not as hungry as thought I was’?”
"As a man in a relationship, you have a choice: you can be right or you can be happy."
- Ralphie May
“Another day, another 13,000 calories.”
— Andy Lassner
“They dream in courtship, but in wedlock wake.” — Alexander Pope
“Dogs are great. Bad dogs, if you can really call them that, are perhaps the greatest of them all.”—John Grogan
“Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.” —Paula Poundstone
“Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.”
Robert Benchley
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell“Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.”
- Gracie Allen
"True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked." — Erich Segal
“Kids are expensive, I didn’t even realize how broke I was until last year someone stole my identity and it ruined her life.”—Kate Davis
“Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted the whole day.”—Mickey Rooney