“Becoming a mom to me means that you have accepted that for the next 16 years of your life, you will have a sticky purse.”
- Nia Vardalos.
“Yoga is 99% waste removal” — T.K.V Desikachar
“If you think money doesn’t grow on trees, you ain’t checking every limb.” – Chamillionaire
"When did my wild oats turn to prunes and all bran?"
- Lucy Parker
“Beaver do better work than the Corps of Engineers.”
- Mike Todd.
“Everyone wants me to be a morning person. I could be one, only if morning began after noon.”
— Tony Smite
“You know there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time... Husband!” —Bill Maher
“The road to success is always under construction.”
“If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.”
Steven Wright
“Summer bachelors like summer breezes, are never as cool as they pretend to be.”
– Nora Ephron
“If you fall, I’ll be there. Love, Your Mat” -Unknown
“You fool! You’re 30 cents away from having a quarter!” –Sweet Dick Willie (Robin Harris)Do the Right Thing
“How can something so small create so much of something so disgusting?”
- Michael, ‘Three Men And A Baby.’
“A pizza slice a day keeps sadness away.”
― Jet Paacal
“Never get married in college; it’s hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you’ve already made one mistake.”—Elbert Hubbard
“It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.”- Muhammad Ali
“I am having an out of money experience." ~Author Unknown
“There were times my pants were so thin I could sit on a dime and tell if it was heads or tails.” -Spencer Tracy quotes
“Tax day is the day that ordinary Americans send their money to Washington, D.C., and wealthy Americans send their money to the Cayman Islands.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
“An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.” —Irv Kupcinet
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. Jim Carrey
"If you want to know the correct way to perform an exercise, the answer is: Whatever hurts most."
- Jason Love.
“Let’s begin by taking a smallish nap or two.”
– A. A. Milne (Winnie the Pooh)
“Have you ever noticed how parents can go from the most wonderful people in the world to totally embarrassing in three seconds?”—Rick Riordan, The Red Pyramid
“SMONDAY: The moment when Sunday stops feeling like a Sunday and the anxiety of Monday kicks in.”
"Show me a man who is a good loser and I’ll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss."
~ Jim Murray
"I was on a date with this really hot model. Well, it wasn’t really a date-date. We just ate dinner and saw a movie. Then the plane landed." — Dave Attell
“They say that there can never be two snowflakes that are exactly alike, but has anyone checked lately?”
– Terry Pratchett
"Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing." —Redd Foxx
“Did you nap after eating the Thanksgiving meal? Or did you pass out like you were shot by a tranquilizer gun?” — Jim Gaffigan
“Money’s only something you need in case you don’t die tomorrow.” – Carl Fox (Martin Sheen)Wall Street
Step one to running a marathon: You run. There is no step two.
-Barney Stinson (How I Met Your Mother)
"The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."
- Albert Einstein
“What’s the use of happiness? It can’t buy you money.”- Henry Youngman
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
- Groucho Marx.
“Friendship is like money, easier made than kept.”
– Samuel Butler
“For every tax problem, there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated-and wrong.”
"Ships at a distance have every man’s wish on board."
- Zora Neale Hurston
"Driving is a spectacular form of amnesia. Everything is to be discovered, everything to be obliterated."
– Jean Baudrillard
"People complain that there are delays on flights. Delays, really? New York to California in five hours, that used to take 30 years."
- Louis C.K.
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not." - Mark Twain
"If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books." — Alan King
“Gardener’s recipe: one-part soil, two-parts water, three-parts wishful thinking.”
— Anonymous
“Self-love seems so often unrequited.”
– Anthony Powell
“When you’re in love, it’s the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life.”—Richard Lewis
Except for an occasional heart attack I feel as young as I ever did.
Robert Benchley
"Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby — awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess." — Lemony Snicket
“Being different is a revolving door in your life where secure people enter and insecure exit.”
— Shannon L. Alder
“Intaxication: That nice feeling you get when you receive a tax refund until you realize it was your own money in the first place.”
“Fond of doctors, little health, Fond of lawyers, little wealth.”
Proverb