"Looking fifty is great—if you’re sixty." - Joan Rivers
"Your diet is a bank account. Good food choices are good investments."
— Bethenny Frankel
"It's amazing how much stuff we get done the day before vacation?"
- Zig Ziglar
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
“Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job.”
- Franklin P. Jones.
“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.”
George Carlin
“It’s money. I remember it from when I was single.” – Billy Crystal
“All my life I thought air was free until I bought a bag of chips.”
― Unknown
"Love is a two-way street constantly under construction."
- Carroll Bryant.
“Excercise? I thought you said extra fries.”
"How many Taureans does it take to change a lamp? None. Taureans don't like to change anything."
“I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.”
Mark Twain
“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” – Bob Hope
“You can always tell about somebody by the way they put their hands on an animal.”
- Betty White.
"I don't tan. I burn"
In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.
Rita Rudner
“I’m glad it’s finally hot enough to complain about how hot it is.”
"A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’" - Claude Pepper
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"A man is only as old as the woman he feels."
“Fond of doctors, little health, Fond of lawyers, little wealth.”
Proverb
"Act like a horse. Be dumb. Just run."
Jumbo Elliot
"I've never known a person who lives to be 110 who is remarkable for anything else." —Josh Billings
"Jogging is very beneficial. It's good for your legs and your feet. It's also very good for the ground. It makes it feel needed."
Charles Schulz
“The happiness of the bee and the dolphin is to exist. For man, it is to know that and to wonder at it.”
- Jacques Yves Cousteau.
"I love you in a way that's nauseating to others."
- Unknown
“I’ve never met an animal I didn’t like, and I can’t say the same thing about people.”
- Doris Day.
“Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.” – Benjamin Franklin
“I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.”
Mitch Hedberg
“Work is a necessity for man. Man invented the alarm clock."
~ Pablo Picasso
“If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.” — Claude McDonald
“Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world, but they are also terrorists. You’ll realize this as soon as they’re born, and they start using sleep deprivation to break you.”
- Ray Romano.
“Sign for a beginner’s yoga class: Enquire Within.” – Unknown
"There is no WiFi in the forest but you will find a better connection."
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
“A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.” - Phyllis Diller
"When you’re in love, it’s the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life."
- Richard Lewis
"Take the admission to the gym to avoid the admission to the hospital."
- Amit Kalantri
"Gardening requires lots of water - most of it in the form of perspiration."
- Lou Erickson
"Yeah, working is great… but have you tried traveling?"
“To make a million, start with $900,000.” - Morton Shulman.
“Sorry, I can’t hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.”
— Harvey Specter
"I'm a Taurus, and I defy you to find someone more stubborn, opinionated, and determined than me."
— Gary Garrison
"I'll have a double cappuccino, half-caf, non-fat milk, with enough foam to be aesthetically pleasing, but not so much that it would leave a mustache."
— Niles Crane
“Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.” -Henny Youngman
"The closer you are to nature the further you are from idiots.”
"A three year old child is a being who gets almost as much fun out of a fifty-six dollar set of swings as it does out of finding a small green worm." – Bill Vaughan
“Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life!”
"A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows."
- Doug Larson
"Death, taxes, and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them."
― Margaret Mitchell