“I like long walks especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
Fred Allen
“Those pizzas I ate were for medicinal purposes.”
― Amy Neftzger
"Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches." - V.L. Allineare
“Demanding something from a Scorpio is a sure way to not have it happen.”
"If you can survive 11 days in cramped quarters with a friend and come out laughing, your friendship is the real deal."
— Oprah Winfrey
"I am not the type who wants to go back to the land; I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel."
- Fran Lebowitz
“A day without yoga is like a sundae without sprinkles” — Emma Mildon
“Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.”
Anthony Burgess
“Work is against human nature. The proof is that it makes us tired. – Michel Tournier
"There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments." - Chris Rock
"A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold." - Ogden Nash
“The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco.
– Mark Twain
“From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.”
- Jarod Kintz
“Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches.”
Unknown
“Oh yes I will work out today. I will work out a way to avoid running for a stupid cause.”
Stanley from The Office
“What’s the use of happiness? It can’t buy you money.”- Henry Youngman
"Husband secretly lowers the thermostat and I secretly turn it back up. We both vehemently deny touching it. Marriage is fun." —Stephanie Ortiz
“Marathoners: Life is too easy. I must find a way to make it much much harder.”
-Glennon Doyle, best-selling author
"Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory"- Albert Schweitzer
"Slow runners make fast runners look good. Thank you."
From the back of a T-shirt
“Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.” - Natasha Leggero
“When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.”
George Burns
“The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it.”
— Dudley Moore
“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.”
Erma Bombeck
"Yoga class helps me calm down from the agonizing stress of trying to get to yoga class on time."
– Sadhguru
“My wife is a psychologist… Not only does she know when I’m being a jerk, but she knows exactly what type of jerk I’m being.”—Lee Judge
"It’s bad manners to let vacation wait!"
“I am patient with stupidity but not with those who are proud of it.”
- Edith Sitwell
“Roadtripophobia (n.) The fear of not having any road trips currently booked.“
"Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy."
“All of the animals except for man know that the principle business of life is to enjoy it.”
- Samuel Butler..
“Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.”
- Cary Grant.
"And I want to thank you for all the enjoyment you've taken out of it."
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
Benjamin Franklin
"I have been to almost as many places as my luggage."
“Namastay 6 feet away.” – Unknown
"Anything is good if it's made of chocolate."
— Jo Brand
“Husbands and wives are irritating. But without them, who would we blame for misplacing our socks?”—Janet Periat
“If you need me, I’ll be inside until April.”
“Thanksgiving is an emotional time. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they see only once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.” —Johnny Carson
“It’s Thanksgiving, and we should not want to be together, together!” —Rachel Green, Friends
"Jogging is for people who aren't intelligent enough to watch television."
Victoria Wood
“The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it.” — Groucho Marx
“I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
Noel Coward
“Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats.”
“Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn’t be done.” – Sam Ewing
“If there’s one thing I’ve learned from hiking, it’s that the early bird gets the face full of spider webs.”
"You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jelly beans."
— Ronald Reagan
“Every family is dysfunctional, whether you want to admit it or not.”
- Shailene Woodley.
“The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.” — Stanley J. Randall