"Yeah, working is great… but have you tried traveling?"
“Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats.”
Did anybody ever consider that cannibalism would resolve both overpopulation – and world hunger?
“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
- Sigmund Freud
"Calming the mind is yoga. Not just standing on the head."
- Swami Satchidananda
"Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!"
“There is no sincerer love than the love of food.” —George Bernard Shaw
“Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?”
– Peg Bracken
“Be a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet on the inside.”
"One meditator to another: Are you not thinking what I’m not thinking?" – Unknown
“Did you know the actual difference between hill and hell is just a fine line?”
“When I say I won’t tell anyone, my best friend doesn’t count.”
— Unknown
“I remember when yoga was called Twister.” – Unknown
"Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement'. Not so. No one was fooled."
— Dan Quayle
“Thanks TSA, I haven’t been touched like that since prom night.”
— Meaghan O’Connell
"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your retirement home."- Phyllis Diller
"Runner's logic: I'm tired. Let me go for a run."
Unknown
“Think of how stupid the average person is and realize half of them are stupider than that.”
– George Carlin
“Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge.”
Tom Waits
“If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.”
- Phil Pastoret.
“You don’t have to be crazy to be my friend. I’ll train you.”
— Unknown
“Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.”
― Unknown
“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.”
― Charles M. Schulz
“Who knew that the hardest part of being an adult is figuring out what to cook for dinner every single night for the rest of your life.”
― Unknown
"A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken."
- James Dent
"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has."
- Will Rogers
“All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.” — Red Skelton
“Seriousness is stupidity sent to college.”
- P. J. O’Rourke
“In Hollywood, a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.” - Rita Rudner
“Monday again? Is it every week now?”
"I don't believe in jogging. It extending your life, but by about the same amount of time you spend jogging."
Marshall Brickman
The number of followers you have doesn't make you better than anyone else. Hitler had millions, Jesus had 12. -- Anonymous
"People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy."
- Bob Hope
"I am the friend you have to explain to your other friends before they meet me."
— Unknown
“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.”
- Rodney Dangerfield.
"There's always something to be thankful for on Thanksgiving. Even if it's just not being a turkey." -Unknown
“Yoga is 99% waste removal” — T.K.V Desikachar
“If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question.” - Lily Tomlin
“Turkey: A large bird whose flesh, when eaten on certain religious anniversaries, has the peculiar property of attesting piety and gratitude.” —Ambrose Bierce
“If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.”
Billy Wilder
"I’m so cool I wasn’t actually born, I was defrosted."
“Money often costs too much.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
“When gorillas are sleeping, you can hide a bunch of raisins in their fur, and then they’ll have an exciting treat the next day."
- Guy Endore Kaiser
"If you don’t drink, smoke, or drive a car, you’re a tax evader."
– Thomas S Foley
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
I went to a therapy group to help me cope with loneliness, but no one else turned up.
Stewart Francis
“Business is the art of extracting money from another man’s pocket without resorting to violence." ~Max Amsterdam
"Look, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you. The right person is still going to think the sun shines out of your ass." - Mac MacGuff in Juno
“What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin” –Mark Twain
"I refuse to admit I’m more than fifty-two, even if that does make my sons illegitimate." - Nancy Astor