“Time is an illusion. Lunchtime is doubly so.” – Douglas Adams
“I have to excercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."- Marsha Doble.
“Yoga is 99% waste removal” — T.K.V Desikachar
If you love something set it free, but don’t be surprised if it comes back with herpes.
Chuck Palahniuk
"Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is."
— P. J. O'Rourke
"Scorpios are powerful creatures who demand equally potent cocktails."
— Aliza Kelly
“I can’t cook a Thanksgiving dinner. All I can make is cold cereal and maybe toast.” —Charlie Brown
“A loyal friend laughs at your jokes when they’re not so good, and sympathizes with your problems when they’re not so bad.”
— Arnold H. Glasgow
“I love cleaning up messes I didn’t make. So I became a Mom.” – Unknown
"The more you know, the dumber you sound to stupid people."
Anonymous
“Keep calm and ommm… nonommm…” — Anonymous
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
"I consider my refusal to go to the gym today as resistance training ."
- Immortal Souls.
"I always say “Morning” instead of “Good Morning”. If it were a good morning, I would still be asleep in bed instead of talking to people."
– Unknown
"I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining."
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
"I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks."
— Totie Fields
“I’m going to get married again because I’m more mature now, and I need some kitchen stuff.”—Wendy Liebman
"Carbs are the answer. No matter the question."
— Unknown
"I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying."
- Oscar Wilde
“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”—Rita Rudner
“Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.” - Steven Wright
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“Hiking—much like drinking—is something that sounds more fun to the uninitiated than it actually is.” – Mindy McGinnis
“Usually the triumph of my day is, you know, everybody making it to the potty.”
- Julia Roberts.
“From birth to age 18, a girl needs good parents, from 18 to 35 she needs good looks, from 35 to 55 she needs a good personality, and from 55 on she needs cash.” – Sophie Tucker
“I do yoga to burn off the crazy” — Anonymous
“There are much easier things in life than finding a good man. Nailing Jell-O to a tree, for instance.”
Anonymous
“Running a marathon takes balls, other sports just play with them.” – Unknown
“Don’t be a jogger, they’re the one’s who find dead bodies.” – Amanda Brooks
“The safest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it in your pocket.” – Kin Hubbard
“I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?”—Jean Illsley Clarke
“I remember when yoga was called Twister.” – Unknown
“I saw what’s going on under my chin. I don’t want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.” — Joan Rivers
“The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.”
Demetri Martin
“The only reason a great many American families don't own an elephant is that they have never been offered an elephant for a dollar down and easy weekly payments."
- Mad Magazine
"I’m a travel fiend on the road to recovery. Just kidding. I’m headed to the airport."
"Don’t believe everything you think."
Anonymous
"I love love, and I’m very hopeful and was raised on all the fairy tales everyone else had. I just noted that everyone’s mom was dead and real princesses get beheaded, so I just have a more realistic take on it."
- Amy Schumer
“Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.”
Will Rogers
“Because the greatest part of a road trip isn’t arriving at your destination. It’s all the wild stuff that happens along the way.”
– Emma Chase
“The mud will wash off but the memories will last a lifetime.”
“I don’t know what’s more exhausting about parenting: the getting up early, or acting like you know what you’re doing.”
- Jim Gaffigan.
“Yes officer I did see the speed limit sign, I just didn’t see you.”
"Your diet is a bank account. Good food choices are good investments."
— Bethenny Frankel
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon."
— Doug Larson
“Thanksgiving is so called because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year.” — P.J. O’Rourke
“Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives.”
- Sue Murphy.
"The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."
- Albert Einstein
“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
George Carlin
"Sometimes I wonder how you put up with me, but then I remember I put up with you, so we're even." - Unknown
“Excercise? I thought you said extra fries.”