"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt." Charles M. Schulz, creator of Peanuts
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
Steve Martin
“The biggest thing I remember is that there was just no transition. You hit the ground diapering.”
- Paul Reiser.
“Stretch marks are just rad lil’ lightning strikes here to remind you that you are a force of nature.”
"I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."
- Marsha Doble
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Lana Turner
"Went outside today. Very hot. There were bugs. Zero stars, would not recommend"
"Never eat more than you can lift"- Miss Piggy.
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"I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren't in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets."- Dolly Parton
“Siblings that say they never fight are most definitely hiding something.”—Lemony Snicket, Horseradish
“If owl parties aren't called hootenannies, this world will never make sense again."
- Reverend Badger
"Everyone is born equal in life, until they get married." — Anonymous
“A yawn is a silent scream for coffee…”
– Unknown
“We’ve been friends for so long, I can’t remember which one of us is the bad influence.”
— Unknown
“I think every kid thinks their dad is goofy.”
- Judd Apatow.
"I’m a travel fiend on the road to recovery. Just kidding. I’m headed to the airport."
"Work out in the morning, before your brain figures out what you’re doing."
– Unknown
“I probably wouldn’t kill so many houseplants if they could scream for food and water the way my pets and children do.”
— Anonymous
“So few people admit to belief in astrology, but I am yet to meet anyone who doesn't know their star sign.”
― P.K. Shaw
A weed is a plant that is not only in the wrong place but intends to stay.”
— Sara Stein
“A road trip is a way for the whole family to spend time together and annoy each other in interesting new places.”
– Tom Lichtenheld
“Venice is like eating an entire box of chocolate liqueurs in one go.”
— Truman Capote
"I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks." — Steve Martin
“I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” — Jerome K. Jerome
“Mondays are a lot like getting fat. They make you feel sad, sometimes angry and there is not much scope for liking either fat or Mondays for any reason.”
– Garry Moll
“Yes, I deserve a spring – I owe nobody nothing."
– Virginia Woolf
"Runner's logic: I'm tired. Let me go for a run."
Unknown
“My son is now an ‘entrepreneur.’ That’s what you’re called when you don’t have a job.” – Ted Turner
"My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something."
“Gardener’s recipe: one-part soil, two-parts water, three-parts wishful thinking.”
— Anonymous
“If summer had one defining scent, it’d definitely be the smell of barbecue.”
— Katie Lee
“Why is Monday so far from Friday? And why is Friday so close to Monday?”
“Best Friend: One million memories, ten thousand inside jokes, one hundred shared secrets.”
— Unknown
“On the internet, you can be anything you want. It’s strange that so many people choose to be stupid.”
Anonymous
“Let’s face it, I only practice yoga because the classes are always packed with beautiful women.” — Adam Levine
“I celebrated Thanksgiving the old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.” —Jon Stewart
“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."
~ Erma Bombeck
"Money can’t buy love, but it improves your bargaining position." — Christopher Marlowe
“I’m a Capricorn and I’m mad loyal — mad loyal! — and I will always look for the good in people.”
— Jeannie Mai
“Waking your kids up for school the first day after a break is almost as much fun as birthing them was.” - Jenny McCarthy
"It's amazing how much stuff we get done the day before vacation?"
- Zig Ziglar
“The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.”
Bill Watterson
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook."
— Julia Child
"Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space." - Evan Esar
"Common sense is not a gift. It’s a punishment because you have to deal with everyone who doesn’t have it."
Anonymous
"If you think adventure is dangerous try routine, it’s lethal."
– Paulo Coelho
“Yoga is not about tightening your ass. It’s about getting your head out of it.” — Eric Paskel
“They say that love is more important, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?” – Anonymous
"Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed." — Albert Einstein
“Some mornings I wake up grouchy. Other mornings I just let him sleep.”—Unknown
“A man’s womenfolk, whatever their outward show of respect for his merit and authority, always regard him secretly as an ass, and with something akin to pity.”
- H. L. Mencken.