"If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world."
– J.R.R. Tolkien
"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two." - Sir Norman Wisdom
“Me to my students every day: Close your eyes. If you can still see me, it could be a sign that your eyes are still open.” – Unknown
"I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks." — Steve Martin
I’m sure wherever my dad is he’s looking down on us… he’s not dead… just very condescending.
Jack Whitehall
“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
Steve Martin
“Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.”
- Mark Twain
“‘Snow in April is abominable,’ said Anne. ‘Like a slap in the face when you expected a kiss.’” — L.M. Montgomery
“Spring is nature’s way of saying, ‘Let’s party!’”
– Robin Williams
“I do yoga so that I can stay flexible enough to kick my own arse if necessary.” — Betsy Cañas Garmon
“A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water.”
– Carl Reiner
“Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences.” — Isadora Duncan
“I like long walks especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
Fred Allen
“I remember when yoga was called Twister.” – Unknown
"Why do we love the sea? It is because it has some potent power to make us think things we like to think."
- Robert Henri
“Working is bad enough in the winter, but in the summer it can become completely intolerable.”-
Tom Hodgkinson
"So I stepped away for like two seconds…” – the beginning of every parenting horror story." — Anonymous
“If you start drinking now, Thanksgiving could be a lot of fun.” — Conan O’Brien
“Never get married in college; it’s hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you’ve already made one mistake.”—Elbert Hubbard
I don’t think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.
Frank Carson
"Family Vacation (n.) A time for you to remember why your family never spends any time together."
“It just occurred to me that the majority of my diet is made up of the foods that my kid didn’t finish.”
Carrie Underwood
Facebook just sounds like a drag, in my day seeing pictures of peoples vacations was considered a punishment.
Betty White
“Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?”
– Peg Bracken
“You can always tell a real friend: when you’ve made a fool of yourself he doesn’t feel you’ve done a permanent job.”
– Laurence J. Peter
"Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages."
- H. L. Mencken
"Stupidity has a knack of getting its way."
- Albert Camus
"I haven’t worn these trousers since I bought them. I should definitely pack them for my 3-day vacation. Just in case."
“It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you.” — Dwight D. Eisenhower
“Yoga is too slow.” — Rob Gronkowski
“Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives.”
- Sue Murphy.
“Anorexia is a disease not a fashion statement.”
Brooke
"Alcohol may be man's worst enemy but the Bible says to love your enemy."
- Frank Sinatra
"Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does."
“The best babysitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida.”—Dave Barry
“You know that just before the first Thanksgiving there was one wise old Native American woman saying, “Don’t feed them. If you feed them, they’ll never leave.” —Dylan Brody
“I smiled right after getting up. I think I dislocated my face. Good Morning!”
– Unknown
“All of the animals except for man know that the principle business of life is to enjoy it.”
- Samuel Butler..
"I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity." - Edgar Allen Poe
“Man is an animal that makes bargains: no other animal does this - no dog exchanges bones with another.”
- Adam Smith.
“We pretend to work because they pretend to pay us."
~ Anonymous
"Before I speak, I have something important to say."
"If ignorance is bliss, there should be more happy people."
- Victor Cousin
“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?”
– Robin Williams
“I am your best friend, and there isn’t anything you can do about it!”
— Unknown
“Parents must get across the idea that “I love you always, but sometimes I do not love your behavior.”—Amy Vanderbilt
"I want to be like a caterpillar. Eat a lot. Sleep for a while. Wake up beautiful."
"Anything is good if it's made of chocolate."
— Jo Brand
“The definition of eternity is two people and a ham.”—Dorothy Parker
"Congress can raise taxes because it can persuade a sizable fraction of the populace that somebody else will pay."
- Milton Friedman