“Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow…somewhere else!”
“Family ties mean that no matter how much you might want to run from your family, you can’t.”—Unknown
All my friends complaint about not feeling good, and are freaking out about their lives, and I’m just like, “There’s Yoga pose for that!” — Unknown
“Think of stretch marks as pregnancy service stripes.”
– Joyce Armor.
"I have been to almost as many places as my luggage."
“I’m getting used to wearing flip-flops everywhere. It’s a dangerous place to be. Next thing you know, I’m gonna show to a board meeting in sandals.”
"Good things come slow. Especially in distance running."
Bill Dellinger
“I love cleaning up messes I didn’t make. So I became a Mom.” – Unknown
"I go to the gym three days a week. You have to or else - I don't want to be the guy that dies shoveling snow."
- Douglas Coupland
“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”
Buddy Hackett
“My father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.”—Spike Milligan
“When a fellow says it ain’t the money but the principle of the thing, it’s the money.” – Artemus Ward
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
“When you’re young, you think your dad is Superman. Then you grow up, and you realize he’s just a regular guy who wears a cape.” – Dave Attell
“You can’t have Thanksgiving without turkey. That’s like Fourth of July without apple pie or Friday with no two pizzas.” —Joey Tribbiani, Friends
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”—Phyllis Diller
“Always respect Mother Nature. Especially when she weighs 400 pounds and is guarding her baby.”
- James Rollins.
"There are no gardening mistakes, only experiments."
— Janet Kilburn Phillips
“An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.”
― Unknown
“There is nothing better than a friend, unless it’s a friend with chocolate.”
— Linda Grayson
"When you’re older, Friday means less parking spots." - Larry David
"Love is blind; friendship tries not to notice."
— Otto von Bismarck
“Summer is the annual permission slip to be lazy.”
– Regina Brett
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.” — Rodney Dangerfield
How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg.
Abraham Lincoln
“When I was ten, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.”
- Emo Phillips.
“Self-love seems so often unrequited.”
– Anthony Powell
“I may be a living legend, but that sure don't help when I've got to change a flat tire.”
Roy Orbison
"I'm so conflicted when my husband does the laundry. On one hand, he did the laundry. On the other, my clothes can now be sold at Gap Kids." - Molly McNearney
"I like long romantic walks down every aisle at Target." - Unknown
"Before I speak, I have something important to say."
"I will never break up with my gym. We just seem to workout."
- Unknown.
“Make yourself look really stupid so you don’t feel bad doing something a little stupid.”
- Mark Hoppus
“Friendship is like money, easier made than kept.”
– Samuel Butler
"By 35, if I’m not engaged or already starting a family, I declare myself the aunt who’s always traveling & comes to family events tipsy."
"There is no WiFi in the forest but you will find a better connection."
"Summer vacations are a time when parents realize that teachers are grossly underpaid."
Tim Vine
grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance waiting for the bathroom.
"Money doesn’t change you. It reveals who you are when you no longer have to be nice." ~ Tim Ferriss
“Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it." ~ David Lee Roth
"I love running cross country. On a track, I feel like a hamster."
Robin Williams
“Did you nap after eating the Thanksgiving meal? Or did you pass out like you were shot by a tranquilizer gun?” — Jim Gaffigan
“You can always tell when a man's well informed. His views are pretty much like your own.”
H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
"If the hill has its own name, then it's probably a pretty tough hill."
Marty Stern
"A bad day at sea is still better than a good day at work."
“What turning forty means to me? I need to take my pants off as soon as I get home. I didn’t used to have to do that, but now I do.”
Tina Fey
“You fool! You’re 30 cents away from having a quarter!” –Sweet Dick Willie (Robin Harris)Do the Right Thing
“Man is an animal that makes bargains: no other animal does this - no dog exchanges bones with another.”
- Adam Smith.
No man ever believes that the Bible means what it says. He is always convinced that it says what he means. -- George Bernard Shaw