“Who knew that the hardest part of being an adult is figuring out what to cook for dinner every single night for the rest of your life.”
― Unknown
"Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough."
“Parents of newborn babies are basically hostages in their own house with a severe case of Stockholm Syndrome.”
- Nate Smith.
"Take the admission to the gym to avoid the admission to the hospital."
- Amit Kalantri
“The road to success is always under construction.”
"Fitness: If it came in a bottle, everyone would have a great body."
- Cher.
“I never forget a face—but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.”
Groucho Marx
“I say if you love something, set it in a small cage and pester and smother it with love until it either loves you back or dies.” — Mindy Kaling
"There’s one advantage to being 102, there’s no peer pressure." - Dennis Wolfberg
“Money’s only something you need in case you don’t die tomorrow.” – Carl Fox (Martin Sheen)Wall Street
"The cow is of the bovine ilk: One end is moo, the other, milk."
- Ogden Nash
“Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.”
― Unknown
"The dumbest people I know are those who Know It All."
– Malcolm Forbes
"I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me"- Fred Allen.
"Do you wake up as I do, having forgotten what it is that hurts or where, until you move?"
– Jeanette Winterson
“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees, and he told me about the butcher and my wife.” – Rodney Dangerfield
“I had to stop driving my car for a while… the tires got dizzy.”
— Stephen Wright
“Hello, Monday! May I ask you a question? Why are you always back so quickly? Don’t you have a hobby?”
“One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.” — Bertrand Russell
“Perhaps one reason we are fascinated by cats is because such a small animal can contain so much independence, dignity, and freedom of spirit. Unlike the dog, the cat’s personality is never bet on a human’s. He demands acceptance on his own terms.”
- Lloyd Alexander.
"Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of 'May Day!'?"
- Rob Knauerhase
"I don't remember, you looking any better... But then again, I don't remember you."
- John Mayer, 'Who Says'
"I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do." - Phyllis Diller
“Thanksgiving is an emotional time. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they see only once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.” —Johnny Carson
"A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it."
- John Steinbeck
"Instead of taking the pants off the taxpayer it might be better to take the vest off the vested interests."
— Mark Twain
“During summer vacation, you get to do all your favorite things; cook hot dogs over a campfire (while being eaten alive by mosquitoes).”
– Bruce Lansky
"Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it."
Anonymous
“Cauliflower is a cabbage with a college education.”
— Mark Twain
“Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.”
- Sam Levenson
“SMONDAY: The moment when Sunday stops feeling like a Sunday and the anxiety of Monday kicks in.”
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook."
— Julia Child
“You can always tell when a man's well informed. His views are pretty much like your own.”
H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
“I love you and I treasure you and ya bore me.” - Amy Santiago, 'Brooklyn Nine-Nine'
“They can't collect legal taxes from illegal money."
— Al Capone
“Don't be so humble – you are not that great.”
Golda Meir
“Before I got married, I had six theories about raising children; now I have six children and no theories.”—John Wilmot
My favorite outdoor activity is the short walk back inside.
“Money and women. They’re two of the strongest things in the world. The things you do for a woman you wouldn’t do for anything else. Same with money.” — Satchel Paige
“Anorexia is a disease not a fashion statement.”
Brooke
“If you can walk away from a landing, it’s a good landing. If you can use the aircraft the next day, it’s an outstanding landing.”
- Chuck Yeager
"Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement'. Not so. No one was fooled."
— Dan Quayle
“Never criticize your spouse’s faults; if it weren’t for them, your mate might have found someone better than you.” —Jay Trachman
“Sunshine and happiness go together like fish and chips!”
― Catherine Pulsifer
"We must both, I’m afraid, recognise that, as we grow older, we become like old cars – more and more repairs and replacements are necessary." - C.S. Lewis
Except for an occasional heart attack I feel as young as I ever did.
Robert Benchley
“I’m just a Sagittarius, and we’re kind of spontaneous.
So let’s head out to Vegas and find an Elvis to marry us.”
— Andy Grammer, “Blame It on the Stars”
“We live in the era of smart phones and stupid people.”
Antonymous
“I’m staying in shape this winter by wearing enough layers to be constantly sweating.”
“Abs are temporary. Chocolate is forever.”
― Unknown