“Yoga is 99% waste removal” — T.K.V Desikachar
“God in his wisdom made the fly, And then forgot to tell us why.”
- Ogden Nash.
“Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you and scorn in the one ahead.”
— Mac McCleary
“I don’t deserve a Songwriters Hall of Fame Award. But fifteen years ago, I had a brain operation and I didn’t deserve that, either. So I’ll keep it.”
Don Kardong.
“July is a blind date with summer.”
– Hal Borland
“Turkey lurkey doo, and turkey lurkey dap. I eat that turkey, then I take a nap.” —Adam Sandler
"Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches." - V.L. Allineare
Summer is like the ultimate one-night stand...hot as hell, totally thrilling, and gone before you know it.
“If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.” — Woody Allen
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” —George Burns
“Vacation is that time when you wish you had something to do while doing nothing.”
–Frank Tyger
"The trouble with always trying to preserve the health of the body is that it is so difficult to do without destroying the health of the mind." - G.K. Chesterton
"I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining."
“My advice to you is get married: If you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.” —Socrates
"By 35, if I’m not engaged or already starting a family, I declare myself the aunt who’s always traveling & comes to family events tipsy."
"Marriage is a bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them." - Anonymous
“Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy you the kind of misery you prefer." ~Author Unknown
"It’s bad manners to let vacation wait!"
“The best thing about animals is that they don’t talk much.”
- Thornton Wilder.
“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.”
– Prince Philip
“Maybe Monday doesn’t like you either.”
"He was happily married - but his wife wasn't."
- Victor Borge
“Have you ever noticed how parents can go from the most wonderful people in the world to totally embarrassing in three seconds?”—Rick Riordan, The Red Pyramid
“What brothers say to tease their sisters has nothing to do with what they really think of them.”—Esther Friesner
“Thanksgiving is a time to count your blessings, one by one, as each relative goes home.”—Melanie White
"I can rise and shine, just not at the same time."
– Unknown
“Why do they call it ‘beauty sleep’ when you wake up looking like a troll.”
– Unknown
“Money isn’t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children." ~ J. Paul Getty
"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people."
— Orson Welles
“Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants.” —Kevin James
“Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives.”
- Sue Murphy.
“Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.” — Homer Simpson
“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” —Mark Twain
“Eating words has never given me indigestion.”
Unknown
“I am the only person in the world I should like to know thoroughly.”
– Oscar Wilde
“If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.”
Theodore Roosevelt
“I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance: waiting for the bathroom.”
Bob Hope
"There are no gardening mistakes, only experiments."
— Janet Kilburn Phillips
“I don’t like when I'm all stress-free and peacefully relaxing on the couch and then, out of nowhere, Monday comes along and punches you right off the couch!”
“Man is an animal that makes bargains: no other animal does this - no dog exchanges bones with another.”
- Adam Smith.
“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily.” – Zig Ziglar
“If you owe the bank $100 that’s your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that’s the bank’s problem.” -JP Getty.
“Sorry, I can’t hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.”
— Harvey Specter
“Camping is not a date; its an endurance test. If you can survive camping with someone, you should marry them on the way home.”
“When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.”—Erma Bombeck
“I just want to let you know that if you ever need to have a plant killed, I’m the person for that job.”
— Anonymous
“Nothing burns like the cold.” — George R.R. Martin
“Everyone wants me to be a morning person. I could be one, only if morning began after noon.”
— Tony Smite
“I want to tell you about the "sausage principle." The theory says, "If you love something, never try to find out how it is done."”
― Unknown
"I orchestrate my mornings to the tune of coffee."
– Terri Guillemets