“Every day is National Donut Day if you put your mind to it.”
― Unknown
“Our perfect companions never have fewer than four feet.”
- Colette.
"Eating words has never given me indigestion." —Winston Churchill
"Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs."
- Fran Lebowitz
Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill and eat you.
People are harder. They pretend to be your friend first.
- Steve Irwin
“I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.”
Unknown
"I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks."
— Totie Fields
“Thanksgiving is an emotional time. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they see only once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.” —Johnny Carson
“Trying to do your own taxes is like a do-it-yourself mugging.”
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell
"The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended and not to take a hint when a hint isn’t intended.”
- Robert Fros
"Every morning is good; it’s not his fault that someone didn’t sleep well."
– Unknown
“It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.”—Rodney Dangerfield
"The Thankstini: A fun and delicious new novelty drink I invented. Cranberry juice, potato vodka, and a bouillon cube. Tastes just like a turkey dinner." -Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother
"Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of the pieces."
— Judith Viorst
“Parenthood…it’s about guiding the next generation and forgiving the last.”
- Peter Krause.
“In spring we are on Earth; in summer we are on Earth; in autumn we are on Earth, but in winter we are in another planet; winter is another planet!” — Mehmet Murat ildan
“Teach your kids to spend more time annoying each other so they have less time to spend annoying you.”—Unknown
“I am a friend of the workingman, and I would rather be his friend, than be one.” — Clarence Darrow.
"If you can survive 11 days in cramped quarters with a friend and come out laughing, your friendship is the real deal."
— Oprah Winfrey
“Excuse me while I have a Pisces moment.”
— Patricia Lantz
It's almost Summer! Time to find out what my friends with swimming pools have been up to since last summer...
“Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.”
- Phyllis Diller.
“If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.”
George Burns
"Today’s goals: Coffee and kindness. Maybe two coffees and then kindness."
— Nanea Hoffman
“Friends give you a shoulder to cry on. But best friends are ready with a shovel to hurt the person that made you cry.”
— Unknown
"Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined." - Samuel Goldwyn
"Remember, the second most important thing to choosing the right shoe is choosing the left one."
Unknown
"A man's only as old as the woman he feels."
"I always write “Wake Up” on my To-Do-List so I can at least accomplish one thing a day."
– Unknown
“You grow up the day you have your first real laugh at yourself.”
Ethel Barrymore
“The best thing to ever happen to marriage is the pause-live-TV button.” —Rick Reilly
“The only thing I like better than talking about food is eating.”
— John Walters
“I thought about losing weight once, but I don’t like losing.”
― Unknown
“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”—Rita Rudner
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
~ Douglas Adams
It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
Jerry Seinfeld
“Yoga is almost like music in a way; there’s no end to it.” — Sting
"Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?"
“Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.”
– William Shakespeare
“I’d like to publicly thank my husband [Dax Shepard] for changing half the diapers in our house. I hope he changes all of mine one day…”—Kristen Bell
“Abs are temporary. Chocolate is forever.”
― Unknown
“The average vacation is one-tenth playing—nine-tenths paying.”
–Arnold Glasow
“Stupid people will mistake your confidence for arrogance.”
- Habeeb Akande
“I’ve got seven kids, the three words you hear most around my house are: “Hello, goodbye, and I’m pregnant”.
- Dean Martin.
“Almost every Aquarius is a rebel. Give them a guide and they won’t follow it. Tell them there’s a dress code and they’ll show up wearing nothing at all.”
— Alex Dimitrov and Dorothea Lasky
"It's amazing how much stuff we get done the day before vacation?"
- Zig Ziglar
“The secret to a long marriage is to stay gone.” - Dolly Parton
"I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge."
— Unknown
“What’s the use of happiness? It can’t buy you money." ~ Henny Youngman