“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one!”
— C.S. Lewis
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
"I didn’t get old on purpose, it just happened. If you’re lucky, it could happen to you." – Andy Ronney
“You dropped your kid off a changing table? Stuff just happens, okay? Last week, my kid ate a cigarette. I caught him playing in the dryer yesterday. I picked up the wrong baby from daycare. I found my baby swimming in the toilet. No judging.”
- 'What To Expect When You Are Expecting'.
“Sorry for what I said before I yoga-ed.” – Unknown
“Deep summer is when laziness finds respectability.”
– Sam Keen
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
“Little known fact, gentlemen. Tacos are the food of genius.”
― Heather Brewer
"Love thy neighbor—and if he happens to be tall, debonair and devastating, it will be that much easier." - Mae West
“Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing, but it hurts.”
Lt. Frank Drebin (Leslie Nielsen)
I don't believe in astrology. The only stars I can blame for my failures are those that walk about the stage.
― Noel Coward
“The first 40 years of life give us the text; the next 30 supply the commentary on it.” – Arthur Schopenhauer
"If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee."
– Abraham Lincoln
"I’m so poor I can’t pay attention." ~ Ron Kittle
"We must have a pie. Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie."
– David Mamet
“Having kids makes you look stable to the people who thought you were crazy and crazy to the people who thought you were stable.” – Kelly Oxford
“Sometimes, being silly with a friend is the best therapy.”
— Unknown
“I think the family is the place where the most ridiculous and least respectable things in the world go on.”
- Ugo Betti
"I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap." - Bob Hope
“Parenting is a constant battle between going to bed to catch up on some sleep or staying awake to finally get some alone time.” — Anonymous
“Think of how stupid the average person is and realize half of them are stupider than that.”
– George Carlin
"Staying in bed all day is my way of saving money." ~ Anonymous
“Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back.”
- Earl Wilson.
"Learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t live long enough to make them all yourself."
~ Anonymous
“I’m getting used to wearing flip-flops everywhere. It’s a dangerous place to be. Next thing you know, I’m gonna show to a board meeting in sandals.”
"At my age, flowers scare me." - George Burns
“I would have made a terrible parent. The first time my child didn’t do what I wanted, I’d kill him.”
- Katherine Hepburn.
“May your coffee be extra strong, and your Monday be extra short.”
“I travel a lot, I hate having my life disrupted by routine.”
– Caskie Stinnett
"The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him." — Oscar Wilde
“Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.” —Paula Poundstone
"Every morning is a battle between the superego and the id, and I am a mere foot soldier with mud and a snooze button on her shield."
— Catherynne Valente
“I am a friend of the workingman, and I would rather be his friend, than be one.” — Clarence Darrow.
“Sign for a beginner’s yoga class: Enquire Within.” – Unknown
"Old age is always fifteen years older than I am." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
“For every tax problem, there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated-and wrong.”
“Monday should be optional.”
“A dog desires affection more than its dinner. Well—almost.”—Charlotte Gray
“We’ve been friends for so long, I can’t remember which one of us is the bad influence.”
— Unknown
"Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener."
- Pauline Thomason
“I like tea and yoga, but I don’t do yoga.” – Moby
"My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light." — Rodney Dangerfield
“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.”
— Jim Henson
"What did the yogi tell the door-to-door salesperson who came to his home selling vacuum cleaners? Too many attachments!"
- Sadhana Yoga
“Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still?” — J. Paul Getty
"I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number ou get in a diamond"- Mae West
"Don’t forget to drink water and get some sun. You’re basically a houseplant with more complicated emotions."
“Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.”
- Cary Grant.
“Don't be so humble – you are not that great.”
Golda Meir
I have a love interest in every one of my films: a gun.
Arnold Schwarzenegger