“Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you’re finished.” — Leslie Nielsen
"Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge"- Don Kardong
“Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.”
Charles M. Schulz
"Self-care is giving the world the best of you instead of what’s left of you."
— Katie Reed
"Nobody expects to trust his body much after the age of fifty." - Alexander Hamilton
“Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.”
Josh Billings
"Wise men speak because they have something to say; fools because they have to say something."
- Plato
“If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.”
Dalai Lama
“Monday is like a math problem. Add the irritation, subtract the sleep, multiply the problems, divide the happiness.”
"A bad day at sea is still better than a good day at work."
"What is a home without children. Quiet." – Henny Youngman
“Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails.”
- Max Eastman.
“When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.”
Erma Bombeck
""Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." - Larry Lorenzoni
Stuart Turner“
“I tell you what always catches my eye. Short people with an umbrella.”
"Money doesn’t change you. It reveals who you are when you no longer have to be nice." ~ Tim Ferriss
“You drink too much. Cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You’re everything I ever wanted in a friend.”
— Unknown
"Better to keep silent and let people think you are a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."
- Abraham Lincoln
“I do an hour’s yoga and go running everyday. Then I see a picture of myself and I still look like a skinny, pot bellied idiot — and I thought I had turned into this superhunk!” — Chris Martin
“Sometimes, being silly with a friend is the best therapy.”
— Unknown
“I am the only person in the world I should like to know thoroughly.”
– Oscar Wilde
"Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?"
"Go, and never darken my towels again."
"My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light." — Rodney Dangerfield
"One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it’s such a nice change from being young." – Dorothy Canfield Fisher
"Yoga class helps me calm down from the agonizing stress of trying to get to yoga class on time."
– Sadhguru
"Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise' I wash my mouth out with chocolate!"
- Unknown.
“The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: management.”
Scott Adams
“Do what we can, summer will have its flies.”
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
“I think we’ll be friends forever because we’re too lazy to find new friends.”
— Unknown
“Family is a blessing. Just keep saying that when you are irritated by something a family member says.”
- Marcelina Hardy
“The learned fool writes his nonsense in better language than the unlearned, but still ‘this nonsense.”
– Benjamin Franklin
“Went to Disneyland because my daughter’s obsessed with Mickey Mouse. She was so excited when I got home and told her.”
- Ryan Reynolds.
“Have leftover Eggo waffles from your Eleven Halloween costume? We’ll show you how to make it into Thanksgiving stuffing. After the break.” — John Mayer
“A fool and his money are lucky enough to get together in the first place.” — Gordon Gekko (Michael Douglas) Wall Street
"My mom used to say it doesn’t matter how many kids you have… because one kid will take up 100% of your time so more kids can’t possibly take up more than 100% of your time." - Karen Brown
“Self-love seems so often unrequited.”
– Anthony Powell
“If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.”
Theodore Roosevelt
“The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco.
– Mark Twain
"Driving is a spectacular form of amnesia. Everything is to be discovered, everything to be obliterated."
– Jean Baudrillard
“Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.” – Maurice Chevalier
“When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.”
- Erma Bombeck.
“Thank you, the day after Thanksgiving, or as the makers of sweatpants call it, 'the busy season.'" — Jimmy Fallon
I can tell if two people are in love by how they hold each other’s hands, and how thick their sanitation gloves are.
Jarod Kintz
“Family is just accident...They don’t mean to get on your nerves. They don’t even mean to be your family, they just are.”
- Marsha Norman
"Going on a hike is like having your car break down but on purpose."
- John Lyon
“You define a good flight by negatives: you didn’t get hijacked, you didn’t crash, you didn’t throw up, you weren’t late, you weren’t nauseated by the food. So you are grateful.”
– Paul Theroux
“A mother becomes a true grandmother the day she stops noticing the terrible things her children do because she is so enchanted with the wonderful things her grandchildren do.”—Lois Wyse
"And I want to thank you for all the enjoyment you've taken out of it."
“You can kid the world, but not your sister.”—Charlotte Gray