"It is a good thing that we do not get as much government as we pay for."
- Will Rogers
“The reward for good work is more work.” – Francesca Elisia
"Being a good husband is like being a standup comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner." — Jerry Seinfeld
“Yoga is 99% waste removal” — T.K.V Desikachar
“Sometimes I’m so tired, I look down at what I’m wearing, and if it’s comfortable enough to sleep in, I don’t even make it into my pajamas. I’m looking down, and I’m like T-shirt and stretchy pants? Yup, that’s pajama-y. Good night.”
Rebecca Romijn
“There. Right there is where you lost your darn mind!”
“A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job.” — Zig Ziglar
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.
Bob Hope
“If you’re a zebra being chased by a lion, maybe just stop in front of a giant bar code?”
- Guy Endore-Kaiser.
Summer should get a speeding ticket
“Yoga is not about tightening your ass. It’s about getting your head out of it.” — Eric Paskel
“After scolding one’s cat one looks into its face and is seized by the ugly suspicion that it understood every word. And has filed it for reference.”
- Charlotte Gray.
“Grandmas don’t just say “that’s nice”—they reel back and roll their eyes and throw up their hands and smile. You get your money’s worth out of grandmas.”—Unknown
“A true friend is someone who is there for you when they would rather be someplace else.”
– Len Wein
“Venice is like eating an entire box of chocolate liqueurs in one go.”
— Truman Capote
"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city."
– George Burns
"Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education."
— Mark Twain
“Work is a necessity for man. Man invented the alarm clock."
~ Pablo Picasso
“You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself.”
― Unknown
“I think being a good father is keeping the mother happy so she doesn’t drive the kids crazy.”
- James, ‘Look Who’s Talking.’
“Stupid people will mistake your confidence for arrogance.”
- Habeeb Akande
“I love the early hours of the day. It’s a nice place to visit but I wouldn’t want to live there.”
— James Lileks
“Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don’t turn up at all.” – Sam Ewing
“Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.” — Don Herold
“Where are we? About halfway…to somewhere.”
I don’t think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.
Frank Carson
"Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of 'May Day!'?"
- Rob Knauerhase
“During summer vacation, you get to do all your favorite things; cook hot dogs over a campfire (while being eaten alive by mosquitoes).”
– Bruce Lansky
“Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.”
– George Burns
“Never stand between a dog and the fire hydrant.”—John Peer
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?” — Milton Berle
"I hate mornings, they start so early."
— Janet Evanovich
"Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don't forget food. You can go a week without laughing."
— Joss Whedon
"I need 6 months of vacation. Twice a year."
“I just want to let you know that if you ever need to have a plant killed, I’m the person for that job.”
— Anonymous
“Never doubt the courage of the French. They were the ones who discovered that snails are edible.”
Doug Larson
“An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.”
― Unknown
"I orchestrate my mornings to the tune of coffee."
– Terri Guillemets
"Why don't you go home to your wife? Better yet, I'll go home to your wife, and outside of the improvement, she won't notice any difference."
“Anywhere is walking distance if you have got the time.”
Steven Wright
“I’m stuck between “I need to save money.” and “You only live once.”” – Anonymous
“Yoga class helps me calm down from the agonizing stress of trying to get to yoga class on time.” — Unknown
“My sister’s expecting a baby, and I don’t know if I’m going to be an uncle or an aunt.”
- Chuck Nevitt
“Lisa, if you don’t like your job you don’t strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way."
~ Homer Simpson
"My idea of camping is falling asleep on the couch with the window open."
- Clarke Kant
"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."
“I finally know what distinguishes man from other beasts: financial worries.” – Jules Renard
“There were times my pants were so thin I could sit on a dime and tell if it was heads or tails.” -Spencer Tracy quotes
“I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.”
- Walt Disney
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz