“If you’re going through hell, keep going.”
— Winston Churchill
"There are many challenges to long distance running, but one of the greatest is the question of where to put one’s house keys."
Gabrielle Zevin
“SMONDAY: The moment when Sunday stops feeling like a Sunday and the anxiety of Monday kicks in.”
“Help…I’ve ran out of weekend!”
– Unknown
“You’re making it difficult for me to be the parent I always imagined I would be." - Anonymous
"If it costs you your peace of mind, you’ve overpaid."
— Rigel J. Dawson
“Marriage is our last, best chance to grow up.” - Joseph Barth
"I am allergic to stupidity, so I break out in sarcasm."
Anonymous
"If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world."
– J.R.R. Tolkien
“Ah, summer, what power you have to make us suffer and like it.”
-Russell Baker
“You only live once… Lick the bowl!”
― Unknown
“Monday is great if I can spend it in bed. I’m a man of simple pleasures, really.”
– Arthur Darvill
“Straight roads are for fast cars, turns are for fast drivers.”
— Colin McRae
“There’s no need for a piece of sculpture in a home that has a cat.”
- Wesley Bates.
“The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.”
Bill Watterson
"A good marriage is where each partner secretly suspects they got the better deal." - Anonymous
“It’s a bit unnerving That doctors call what they do practice.”
Unknown
"Stop worrying about the potholes in the road and enjoy the journey."
– Babs Hoffman
"The first thing you learn in life is you’re a fool. The last thing you learn in life is you’re the same fool."
Anonymous
“When I was ten, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.”
- Emo Phillips.
“If your family tree does not fork, you might be a redneck.”
- Jeff Foxworthy.
"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." - Truman Capote
“When Chuck Norris does yoga, the sun salutes him.” – Unknown
"There is no WiFi in the forest but you will find a better connection."
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
Frank Sinatra
"Summer- the time when parents realize how underpaid teachers actually are"
"Old age is always fifteen years older than I am." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
“Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.” —Stephen Leacock
“A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.”
Groucho Marx
“To a small child, the perfect grandad is unafraid of big dogs and fierce storms but absolutely terrified of the word “boo”.—Robert Breault
"Military justice is to justice what military music is to music."
“I finally know what distinguishes man from other beasts: financial worries.” – Jules Renard
Young man, the secret of my success is that at an early age I discovered I was not God. -- Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.
"My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one."
"One meditator to another: Are you not thinking what I’m not thinking?" – Unknown
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe? -- Quentin Crisp
“Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it." ~ David Lee Roth
“What is your favorite day of the week, and why it is your favorite day of the week? Mine is Tuesday because that means Monday is gone.”
"Take the admission to the gym to avoid the admission to the hospital."
- Amit Kalantri
“Did you nap after eating the Thanksgiving meal? Or did you pass out like you were shot by a tranquilizer gun?” — Jim Gaffigan
“Thanksgiving is so called because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year.” — P.J. O’Rourke
“Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.”
— Albert Einstein
“The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not.“
Mark Twain
“No matter how smart you are, you can never convince someone stupid that they are stupid.”
Anonymous
“The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.” —Anne Bancroft
"You don't pay taxes ― they take taxes."
― Chris Rock
“Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.”
– William Shakespeare
“I saw a study that said speaking in front of a crowd is considered the number one fear of the average person. Number two was death. This means to the average person, if you have to be at a funeral, you would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.”
Jerry Seinfeld
"Behind every successful man is a woman; behind her is his wife."
“I remember when yoga was called Twister.” – Unknown