“What is your favorite day of the week, and why it is your favorite day of the week? Mine is Tuesday because that means Monday is gone.”
“Friendship is like money, easier made than kept.”
– Samuel Butler
"Behind every successful man is a woman; behind her is his wife."
“When you realize your self-worth you’ll stop giving people discounts.”
“If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else.”
Ann Landers
“I think being a good father is keeping the mother happy so she doesn’t drive the kids crazy.”
- James, ‘Look Who’s Talking.’
"There is nothing better for the spirit or the body than a love affair. It elevates the thoughts and flattens the stomach." — Barbara Hower
“You drink too much. Cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You’re everything I ever wanted in a friend.”
— Unknown
“I’ve got 99 problems and I’m gonna go to yoga and solve about 53 of them.” -Unknown
“May your stuffing be tasty. May your turkey be plump. May your potatoes and gravy have nary a lump. May your yams be delicious and your pies take the prize, and may your Thanksgiving dinner stay off your thighs!” —Anonymous
"I didn’t get old on purpose, it just happened. If you’re lucky, it could happen to you." – Andy Ronney
“Good morning is a contradiction of terms.”
— Jim Davis
“Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.” – Scott Adams
“Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them’s making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?”
- Jerry Seinfeld.
A Christian is a man who feels repentance on Sunday for what he did on Saturday and is going to do on Monday. -- Thomas Ybarra
“If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?”
– Albert Einstein
"One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity, nothin' can beat teamwork."
- Edward Abbey
“To be a successful father there’s one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don’t look at it for the first two years.”
- Ernest Hemingway.
“It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you.” — Dwight D. Eisenhower
“There. Right there is where you lost your darn mind!”
"Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including yourself."
— Anne Lamott
“Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.”
- James Baldwin.
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.”
- Mark Twain.
“Summer is the annual permission slip to be lazy.”
– Regina Brett
“Until you’ve learned to drive, you’ve never really learned how to swear.”
— Robert Paul
“A little bit of summer is what the whole year is all about.”
– John Mayer
"One meditator to another: Are you not thinking what I’m not thinking?" – Unknown
"Humor is reason gone mad."
“When I’m under stress, I do yoga. It’s when I’m happiest that I have a problem with junk food.” — Britney Spears
“She says you’re not awake until you’re actually out of bed and standing up.”
– Richelle Mead
“Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.” – Jon Stewart
“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”
- Erma Bombeck
“An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field.” — Niels Bohr
“Money isn’t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children." ~ J. Paul Getty
“I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.”
― Unknown
"I don't share blame. I don't share credit. And I don't share desserts"
– Beverly Sills
“Yoga instructor just emailed to say class is moved and thanks for our flexibility.” – Unknown
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
My favorite outdoor activity is the short walk back inside.
“It’s funny how your parents tell you it’s their house, but as soon as something needs cleaning, it magically becomes yours too.”—Unknown
“An archeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.”—Agatha Christie.
“Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you and scorn in the one ahead.”
— Mac McCleary
“The best way you hurt rich people is by turning them into poor people” – Billy Ray Valentine (Eddie Murphy) Trading Places
"Remember, beneath every cynic there lies a romantic, and probably an injured one." — Benjamin Franklin
“It’s always darkest before the dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.”
Navjot Singh Sidhu
“Good weather all week, but come the weekend, and the weather stinks. When the weather is too hot, they complain; too cold, they complain; and when it’s just right, they’re watching TV.”
— Rita Rudner
"There can be no taxation without misrepresentation."
— J.B. Handelsman
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
- Groucho Marx
"Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot."
“Education cost money. But then again so does ignorance.” – Sir Claus Moser