“If pessimism is despair, optimism is cowardice and stupidity. Is there any need to choose between them?”
- Francis Parker Yockey
“Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need most.” —Addison H. Hallock
"I firmly believe the death tax is good for people from all walks of life all throughout our society."
— George W. Bush
“The road to success is always under construction.”
Don’t be distracted by criticism. Remember, the only taste of success some people get is to take a bite out of you.” – Zig Ziglar
“Parenthood…it’s about guiding the next generation and forgiving the last.”
- Peter Krause.
“Fine! You guys can all be beautiful snowflakes! I’m gonna go over here and be an awkward snowflake!”
― Robyn Schneider
“If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.”
Abraham Lincoln
“The waste of money cures itself, for soon there is no more to waste." ~M.W. Harrison
“When gorillas are sleeping, you can hide a bunch of raisins in their fur, and then they’ll have an exciting treat the next day."
- Guy Endore Kaiser
“Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it." ~ David Lee Roth
"Half the modern drugs could well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them." - Martin H. Fischer
A Christian is a man who feels repentance on Sunday for what he did on Saturday and is going to do on Monday. -- Thomas Ybarra
The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people. -- G. K. Chesterton
“I really need a day in-between Sunday and Monday.”
“Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.” —Stephen Leacock
“An Aquarius isn’t a rebel with a cause; they are the cause.”
— Jake Register
“If you think about a Thanksgiving dinner, it’s really like making a large chicken.” —Ina Garten
"Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise' I wash my mouth out with chocolate!"
- Unknown.
“Having a child is liking getting a tattoo on your face. You better be committed.”
- 'Eat Pray Love'.
“If A equals success, then the formula is A = X + Y + Z. Where X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut.” — Albert Einstein
“If I could be half the person my dog is, I’d be twice the human I am.”—Charles Yu
“I didn’t fall for you, you tripped me!” - Jenny Han, 'To All the Boys I've Loved Before'
“We live by the Golden Rule. Those who have the gold make the rules." ~Buzzie Bavasi
“If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?”
– Scott Adams
"True friends don’t judge each other. They judge other people together."
— Emilie Saint-Genis
"I was on a date with this really hot model. Well, it wasn’t really a date-date. We just ate dinner and saw a movie. Then the plane landed." — Dave Attell
“The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.”
Demetri Martin
“It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.”
"Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe." – Jackie Mason
"Love is a temporary insanity curable by marriage."
- Ambrose Bierce
“When I was young I thought money was the most important thing in life; now that I’m old, I know it is." ~ Oscar Wilde
I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
Douglas Adams
“What Yoga really is… Spending an entire hour trying not to fart.”— Anonymous
"Reaching under the couch for something is the closest I'll ever get to yoga."
- Grant Tucker
“The bags under my eyes are Prada.”
“Cocaine is God’s way of saying you’re making too much money.” – Robin Williams
As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.
Buddy Hackett
"I like long romantic walks down every aisle at Target." - Unknown
"Even bad coffee is better than no coffee at all." — David Lynch
“SMONDAY: The moment when Sunday stops feeling like a Sunday and the anxiety of Monday kicks in.”
"The more you know, the dumber you sound to stupid people."
Anonymous
“I like tea and yoga, but I don’t do yoga.” – Moby
“I’ve had entire relationships that didn’t get as far as these airport security checkpoints.”
— Michael LeRoux
"There are no gardening mistakes, only experiments."
— Janet Kilburn Phillips
"Wait. Why am I thinking about Krispy Kremes? We're supposed to be exercising."
— Meg Cabot
“Monday I shall slay thee with my mighty cup of coffee.”
"When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, “Did you sleep good?” I said, “No, I made a few mistakes.”
– Steven Wright
"If anyone is Christmas shopping for me, I wear a size 7-day Caribbean cruise."
“When going on a vacation, I wish I could load my wallet with money as much as I can overpack my luggage.”