“Sign for a beginner’s yoga class: Enquire Within.” – Unknown
“Aquarians are sort of unorthodox, original people — sort of wack, witty mad-caps who refuse to follow the crowd and go their own way.”
— Joanna Martine Woolfolk
“There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage” — James Holt McGavran
“Always remember, a cat looks down on man, a dog looks up to man, but a pig will look man right in the eye and see his equal.”
- Sir Winston Churchill.
“When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘D***, that was fun.'”
— Groucho Marx
“If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one.” —Andrew A. Rooney
“Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.”
- George Benard Shaw
"Crabgrass can grow on bowling balls in airless rooms, and there is no known way to kill it that does not involve nuclear weapons."
- Dave Barry
“12 weeks old: when your kid is young enough to fall asleep on your chest, yet long enough to kick you in the nuts at the same time.” – Lin-Manuel Miranda
“You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine'.”
― Tommy Cooper
“Sunshine and happiness go together like fish and chips!”
― Catherine Pulsifer
“In fifty years, he never worked a day. To him, nine to five was odds on a horse."
~ Archie Bunker
"Ah, yes, divorce… A Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet." ~ Robin Williams
“I’ve noticed that one thing about parents is that no matter what stage your child is in, the parents who have older children always tell you the next stage is worse.”
- Dave Barry.
“When life gives you Monday, dip it in glitter and sparkle all day.”
"One meditator to another: Are you not thinking what I’m not thinking?" – Unknown
“Yoga pants. Because jeans are stressful and you don’t need that in your life.” -Unknown
“I am convinced digestion is the great secret to life.”
Sydney Smith
"Woke up this morning with a terrific urge to lie in bed all day and read."
– Raymond Carver
“Cut my pie into four pieces, I don’t think I could eat eight.” — Yogi Berra
“She is the only evidence of God I have seen, with the exception of the mysterious force that removes one sock from the dryer every time I do my laundry.”- St Elmo's Fire
“If you think I’m funny now, you should see me when I miss Yoga.” — Anonymous
“No one is full of more false hope than a parent bringing a chair to the beach.” – @simoncholland
“I don’t like to commit myself about heaven and hell — you see, I have friends in both places."
— Mark Twain
"Work out in the morning, before your brain figures out what you’re doing."
– Unknown
Summer is like the ultimate one-night stand...hot as hell, totally thrilling, and gone before you know it.
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
"Love is a lot like a toothache. It doesn't show up on X-rays, but you know it's there."
- George Burns.
“Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it.”
Cullen Hightower
“To attract men, I wear a perfume called ‘New Car Interior.'”
– Rita Rudner
"If you can stay in love for more than two years, you're on something." — Fran Lebowitz
“Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.” —Stephen Leacock
“If women didn’t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning." ~Aristotle Onassis
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
~ Douglas Adams
“It’s just another manic Monday. I wish it was Sunday. ‘Cause, that’s my fun day. My, I don’t have to run day.”
— Prince Rogers Nelson
"One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity, nothin' can beat teamwork."
- Edward Abbey
“I travel a lot, I hate having my life disrupted by routine.”
– Caskie Stinnett
“Undermine the entire economic structure of society by leaving the pay toilet door ajar so the next person can get in free.” - Taylor Meade
“When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.”
- Nora Ephron.
“At the end of a rainbow, there’s a pot of gold. But when the weekend comes to an end, there’s only a Monday.”
“If you don’t like how I drive, get off the sidewalk.”
“They dream in courtship, but in wedlock wake.” — Alexander Pope
“Animals may be our friends, but they won’t pick you up at the airport."
- Bobcat Goldthwait
“No matter how much time you spend reading books or following your intuition, you’re gonna screw it up. Fifty times. You can’t do parenting right.”
- Alan Arkin.
I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ. -- Mahatma Ghandi
The church is prayer-conditioned. -- Anonymous
Woddy Allen
Honolulu – it’s got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife’s mother.
“One of the keys to a successful marriage is separate bathrooms. When he enters my bathroom sometimes, I’m like, ‘Why are you in here?’ And he’s like, ‘I live here. Can I enjoy my bathroom too?’”—Michelle Obama
“Red meat is not bad for you. Now, blue-green meat—that’s bad for you!”
— Tom Smothers
“I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.”
Winston Churchill