“Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.”
Josh Billings
"Family Vacation (n.) A time for you to remember why your family never spends any time together."
"Yoga is a way of getting totally drunk – not on alcohol but on life."
- Sadhguru
"I'm a Taurus, and I defy you to find someone more stubborn, opinionated, and determined than me."
— Gary Garrison
“Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.”
- George Benard Shaw
"The main point of a cruise is to eat until you weigh the same as the boat."
“I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying!"
“You can’t have Thanksgiving without turkey. That’s like Fourth of July without apple pie or Friday with no two pizzas.” —Joey Tribbiani, Friends
"It's funny when people think 'yoga people' are supposed to be calm. No. We're all here because we're nuts." — Unknown
“I think yoga should be for everyone, not just the folks who change their name to something Hindu.” — Tara Stiles
“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”
Abraham Lincoln
“Venice is like eating an entire box of chocolate liqueurs in one go.”
— Truman Capote
“Yoga is too slow.” — Rob Gronkowski
If there were no God, there would be no atheists. -- G. K. Chesterton
“I’m going to get married again because I’m more mature now, and I need some kitchen stuff.”—Wendy Liebman
I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and by then it was too late.
Max Kaufman
“My dog is a half pit bull, half poodle. Not much of a watchdog, but a vicious gossip!”
- Craig Shoemaker.
"Do you know what breakfast cereal is made of? It's made of all those little curly wooden shavings you find in pencil sharpeners!"
— Roald Dahl
"There are two kinds of travel – first class and with children."
– Robert Benchley
“Beverly Hills is very exclusive. For instance, their fire department won’t make house calls.”
Mort Sahl
"A guy knows he's in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days." Tim Allen
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile. -- Billy Sunday
“Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.”
George Carlin
“She is the only evidence of God I have seen, with the exception of the mysterious force that removes one sock from the dryer every time I do my laundry.”- St Elmo's Fire
"The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later, you're hungry again."
— George Miller
“The only reason a great many American families don't own an elephant is that they have never been offered an elephant for a dollar down and easy weekly payments."
- Mad Magazine
“If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question.”—Lily Tomlin
“There’s no such thing as ready. You just jump on a moving train and you try not to die.”
- A Dad, ‘What To Expect When You Are Expecting.’
"Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out." - Phyllis Diller
“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.” — George Carlin
“Every pizza is a personal pizza if you try hard and believe in yourself.”
― Bill Murray
“Never let your friends be lonely…. Disturb them all the time.”
— Unknown
“Children may be deductible, but they are still taxing.”
"From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it."
"One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it’s such a nice change from being young." – Dorothy Canfield Fisher
"When you’re older, Friday means less parking spots." - Larry David
“A photographer gets people to pose for him. A yoga instructor gets people to pose for themselves.” — Terri Guillemets
"Like all bad drivers, he thought he was the best driver in the world."
- Rebecca West
“My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right.”
Ashleigh Brilliant
“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.”
Thomas A. Edison
"I bought my wife a ticket to go on a cruise. It's no Titanic, but I'm optimistic."
"Most people never run far enough on their first wind to find out they've got a second."
William James
“All of the animals except for man know that the principle business of life is to enjoy it.”
- Samuel Butler..
"A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it."
- Ann Landers
“Dear winter, stop being so romantic, I’m single here.”
I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
Douglas Adams
“Aerodynamics are for people who can’t build engines.”
– Enzo Ferrari
“You know the trouble with real life? There’s no danger music.”
Jim Carrey
Bob Monkhouse
“It’s been a tough week. I bought myself a memory foam mattress and now it’s trying to blackmail me.”
"A girl can wait for the right man to come along but in the meantime that doesn’t mean she can’t have a wonderful time with all the wrong ones." — Cher