“To shorten winter, borrow some money due in spring. ” — W.J. Vogel
“I love cleaning up messes I didn’t make. So I became a Mom.” – Unknown
"You get two for the price of one when you are a Gemini."
— Karan Johar
“It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you.” — Dwight D. Eisenhower
“The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes.”
– Winston S. Churchill
"Anything is good if it's made of chocolate."
— Jo Brand
"The idea is to die young as late as possible." - Ashley Montagu
“I am having an out of money experience." ~Author Unknown
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
Groucho Marx
“The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.”
Joan Rivers
"In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn’t have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order." - Robert Brault
“My daughter just lost her first tooth, which is a very sweet moment for a dad. In retrospect, I do regret punching her so hard in the face.”
- Alan Cox.
“I’m a Capricorn and I’m mad loyal — mad loyal! — and I will always look for the good in people.”
— Jeannie Mai
“The fastest land mammal is a toddler who’s been asked what’s in their mouth.” – @ramblinma
"There are two kinds of travel – first class and with children."
– Robert Benchley
All gardeners know better than other gardeners.”
— Chinese Proverb
"Stupid is when you spend 18 hours trying to drown a fish."
Anonymous
“They say that love is more important, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?” – Anonymous
"There is no worse tyranny than to force a man to pay for what he does not want merely because you think it would be good for him."
- Robert A. Heinlein
“Being a beaver is nice, if you’re hungry you just eat a piece of your home.”
― Unknown
"Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of the pieces."
— Judith Viorst
"At my age, flowers scare me." - George Burns
“When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.”—Erma Bombeck
“Marriage is not just spiritual communion; it is also remembering to take out the trash.”—Joyce Brothers
"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night." —Dave Barry
“Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails.”
- Max Eastman.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
Abraham Lincoln
"I'd walk through fire for my best friend. Well, not fire, that would be dangerous. But a super humid room... but not too humid because, you know... my hair."
— Unknown
"Yesterday I read the horoscope and it was written:" Born of Gemini will be happy in 2018. "I was very sad that I didn't have a twin."
"I really don't think I need buns of steel. I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon."
— Ellen DeGeneres
“Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.” – Benjamin Franklin
"Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot."
“Stupid people will mistake your confidence for arrogance.”
- Habeeb Akande
"My wife is really sentimental. One Valentine’s Day I gave her a ring and to this day she has never forgotten those three little words that were engraved inside — Made in Taiwan." — Leopold Fetchner
“When it comes to staying young, a mind-lift beats a face-lift any day.” – Marty Buccella
"Bury me next to a straight man."
“My friend was attacked by a duck. I yelled “duck!” to warn him, but it just made it worse.”
- Kelkulus.
"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."
“You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, ‘Wow, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!’”—Dave Barry
"She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon."
"Know your worth, and then make sure to add tax."
"In every good marriage, it pays sometimes to be a little deaf." — Ruth Bader Ginsburg
"A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold." - Ogden Nash
"Between men and women, there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship."
- Oscar Wilde
"When you’re older, Friday means less parking spots." - Larry David
“Many people spend more time in planning the wedding than they do in planning the marriage.” —Zig Ziglar
“A baseball game is twice as much fun if you’re seeing it on the company’s time.” — William C. Feather
“If Monday was a gift, I would happily return it to the person who gave it to me.”
“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.”
Thomas A. Edison
“Trying to do your own taxes is like a do-it-yourself mugging.”