Girl

I started dating a girl I really like. She's really into bees.
I think she's a keeper
A logician's wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad. The wife says, "Is it a boy or a girl?" The logician says, "Yes."
The Big Lie
The Big Lie John, a wealthy 60 year old man, shows up at the country club one day with his new wife, a smoking hot 28 year old. His buddies are amazed. "There is no way someone that young and attractive would agree to marry an old geezer like you. How did you pull it off?" "It's simple," John says, "I lied to her about my age." "Did you tell her you were 50?" his friends ask. John shakes his head no. "There is no way she could believe you were 40!". They exclaim. John shakes his head again. "So how old did you tell her you were exactly??" John smiles and whispers "85".
You can tell an ant’s gender by putting it in the water.
If it sinks, it’s a girl. If it floats, it’s a buoyant.
How do you know if an ant is a boy or a girl?
If you toss it in the water and it sinks, it’s a girl. If the ant floats, it’s a buoyant.
I used to be engaged to a girl with a wooden leg.
But I broke it off.
What girl likes it in all her holes at the same time?
Mrs. Potato Head.
What's the difference between an American and a Muslim teenage girl?
The American teenage girl gets stoned before s*x.
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
War of the Genders
War of the Genders A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences between girls and boys, and which one is better. Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, “Here’s something I have that you’ll never have!” The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is clearly true, and runs home crying. A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her face. She sticks her tongue at the boy and says, “My mommy says that with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!”
What do you call a girl who's very good at human chess and checkers?
Ingrid.
Amount of Love
Amount of Love A girl asks a boy: "Peter, how much do you love me?" The boy looks her in the eyes, "Look up at the stars, that's how much I love you." The girl is confused, “But it’s morning, there are no stars?” Boy nods, "Exactly!"
When will a guy ignore even the hottest girl? Right after he "comes" inside. Why do little boys whine? Because they're practicing to be men.
How to Start a Sentence...
How to Start a Sentence... Teacher asks their class of children to come up with a sentence beginning with "I" After a few children come to the front with predictable statements about having a cat or a certain toy, a child steps up and says "I is-" and is immediately interrupted by the teacher, "I am!" She side-eyes the teacher, frowns and ignores her teacher, starting again "I is-" again, the teacher interrupts her, this time a little more snappily "It's I am! Use the proper word!" The girl turns to look at her this time, eyelids drooped with exasperation. "Fine," she sighs "I AM the ninth letter of the alphabet."
The Awkward Question
The Awkward Question An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard. She asked him: "Daddy, what is s*x?" The Dad was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decides that if she is old enough to ask the question, then she is old enough to get a straight answer. He proceeded to tell her all about the 'birds and the bees'. When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open. "Why did you ask this question?" Her father asked her: The little girl replied, "Well mom told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs."
An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is.
'I'm 90 years old,' he says.
'90!' replies the woman. 'Don't you realize you've had it?'
'Oh, sorry,' says the old man. 'How much do I owe you?'
Kids Can Be Cruel...
Kids Can Be Cruel... Little Timothy was a bright young boy, and he was even fairly handsome. The only problem was that he was lost his eye in a fishing accident when he was younger. His family was too poor to afford a glass eye, so his grandfather whittled him a wooden one. He was made fun of all through school for his eye and it completely destroyed his self esteem. But he was tired of letting the world get him down. The school dance was coming up and he would be darned if he didn't let himself have a good time. Timothy had eyes for a girl named Sally. She was shy and just as lonely as he was, due to having a fairly pronounced mustache, earning her the nickname, "Hair-lip". Well Timmy saw past her 'stache and thought she was the most beautiful girl in school, and he decided he was going to ask her out. He waited until lunch, and spotted her eating a peanut butter sandwich alone in the corner of the lunchroom. He marched up to her and said, "Sally, I've been seeing you around for a while, and, well... Would you like to go to the dance with me?" Sally's eyes lit up and she responded, "Would I!" "Hair-lip!" blurted Timothy and ran away.
The Cartwheels
The Cartwheels A teen came to her mom and said "mom! I've got 10 dollars" Her mom said "Where from?" "Tommy from down the road he dared me to do a cartwheel" she replied "Dear that boy is just trying to see your panties!" "oohh" the girl says The next day the girl comes to her mom and says "Mommy I've got 20 dollars!" "I told you not to trust that boy!" "No mom I tricked him, I didn't even wear panties today!"
Who did the Caribbean jerk fall in love with? The Spice Girl next door.
Doctor: Nurse, how is that little girl doing who swallowed ten quarters last night?
Nurse: No change yet.