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The Joys of Being Over 70
The Joys of Being Over 70 There are some unexpected joys about being on the other side of 70, for example... Kidnappers aren't very interested in you. In a hostage situation, you will probably be released first. No one expects you to run into a burning building. Or run at all. People call at 9 p.m. and ask, “Did I wake you?” People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. There’s nothing left to learn the hard way. Things you buy now won’t wear out. You can eat dinner at 4 p.m. You enjoy hearing about other people’s operations. You get into a heated argument about pension claims. You have a party and the neighbors don’t even realize it. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room. You sing along with the elevator music. Your eyes won’t get much worse. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National Weather Service. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size. And you may not remember who sent you this list.
The New Bible Salesman
The New Bible Salesman Two bible salesmen, Rick and Martin, are going on their regular route when the boss rings them. "Guys," he says, "you two are my best, can you please take my sister's son Andrew with you to try him out? He's got a bit of a stutter but he's a smart boy. I promised her I'd give him a shot." The two reluctantly agree and wait for Andrew. "Wasted day." grunts Martin sadly. "Yep. Gotta help the boss though." says Rick patiently. Once Andrew arrives and, slowly, introduces himself, they are even more dismayed to discover his stutter was quite pronounced. Deciding to make the best of it, they go from door to door with Martin and Rick showing Andrew their sales pitches. After the first couple of hours and a few neighborhoods, they had sold 7 bibles. At the next neighborhood, Andrew shyly asks: "D-d-d you m-m-mind if I t-t-t-t take the nex-x-x-t-t-t one?" The other two exchange embarrassed looks. They both knew how impatient people are. Andrew seemed like a nice boy, and they didn't want his hopes crushed. But there was no help to it. "Well," Rick drawled, "he'll have to learn sooner or later. You take the next one, kid." Andrew asks them to wait for him and he makes his way to the first few houses. After about 15 minutes they spot him making his way back. They are initially glad to see he didn't seem crushed or disappointed, then shocked when he brandishes money for 10 bibles sold. "What in goodness name did you DO, kid?" Martin whispers, staring at the money. “I-I-I t-t-t-told them t-t-t that they c-c-c-could b-b-b-buy a b-b-b-bible or I-I w-w-w-would r-r-read it t-t-t-to them.” Says Andrew.
What Marriage Teaches You
What Marriage Teaches You On their 50th wedding anniversary and during the banquet celebrating it, Susan was asked to give her friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration. "Tell us Susan, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your husband?" Susan responds, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, meekness, forbearance, self-restraint, forgiveness -- and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single."
"It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, snowblower, or vacuum cleaner." – Ben Bergor
“You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.” —Franklin P. Adams
What is the first thing that gorillas learn at kindergarten?
Apey Cee's?
I'm not gay but I'll learn.
What do pigs learn in the army? Ham to ham combat.
Why do piglets take home economics in school? To learn how to sow.
On which website will you learn about the hidden gossips and secrets of the onion world? On the website Wiki-Leeks.
What do elves learn when they go to school?
The elf-abet.
"Ideas are like rabbits. You get a couple and learn how to handle them, and pretty soon you have a dozen."

- John Steinbeck.
“If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.”

- Mark Twain.
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
Roses should learn what it means to be perfect from you.
How does a computer learn something new?
Bit by bit.
What do you learn in witch school?
Spelling.
“You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.” —Franklin P. Adams
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