Little Jokes

“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.”
― Charles M. Schulz
"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt."
— Charles M. Shulz
"Do you know what breakfast cereal is made of? It's made of all those little curly wooden shavings you find in pencil sharpeners!"
— Roald Dahl
“Friendship is not a big thing, it’s a million little things.”
— Unknown
Hey baby, you caught my curiosity. Mind if I explore you a little?
A man has found water while digging in his backyard. For many years, he used the water at home saving tons of money until one day, the water stopped flowing. So he dug a little bit further and found water again and used it for years until it also dried up. This time, he went further, brought a digging machine, and dug a deeper hole until he found water.
Neighbors, annoyed by the noise, called the local sheriff who arrives to check what was happening in the backyard. The sheriff discovering the scene in the backyard says:
"Well, well, well ... What have we got here?"
Nurse, can I have a little sugar to help the medicine go down?
The Wife, the Grill and the Sausage A man notices his wife's butt is getting big. I bet your butt is as big as my grill." He tells her. His wife rolls her eyes, but he gets a tape measure, measures her bottom, measures the grill, and teases her that they're about the same size. That night, he tries to see if he can get lucky. "Not tonight," says his wife. He asks her why not, to which she responds, "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little wiener?"
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
Because he felt like he was a little horse.
I've got a little something for you to gobble on.
The Wrong Kind of Wish A huge muscular man with a tiny head walks into a bar and orders a beer. The Bartender hands him the beer and says, "You know, I'm not gay but I want to compliment you on your physique, it is really phenomenal! I have a question though, why is your head so small?" The big guy nods slowly. He's obviously answered this question many times. "One day", he begins, "I was hunting when I got lost in the woods. I heard someone crying for help and finally realized that it was coming from a frog sitting next to the stream. So i picked up the frog and it said, 'Kiss me. Kiss me and I will turn into a genie and grant you 3 wishes.' So I looked around to make sure I was alone and gave the frog a kiss. POOF! The frog turned into a beautiful, voluptuous, naked woman. She said - 'You now have 3 wishes.' I looked at my scrawny 60kg body and said, 'I want a body like Arnold Schwarzenegger.' She nodded, whispered a spell, and POOF! There I was, so huge that I ripped out of my clothes and was standing there naked! She asked, 'What will be your second wish?' I looked hungrily at her beautiful body and replied, 'I want to make sensuous love with you here by this stream.' She nodded, laid down and beckoned me. We then made love for hours! Later, as we lay there next to each other, sweating from our glorious lovemaking, she whispered into my ear, 'You know, you do have one more wish, what will it be?' I looked at her and replied, 'How 'bout a little head?'
I came here looking for a little tail.
Are you a verb? Because you look a little tense, but I can put you in the mood.
A little less fight and a little more spark, close your mouth and open your heart.
A little less conversation, a little more action please.
My Dog Ran Out of Petrol A little girl wants to take her dog for a walk, so she asks her mother whether she can take Lulu for a walk around the block. Her mother says “No, sweetie. Lulu is in heat.” “What does that mean?”, asks the girl. “Why don't you go and ask your dad in the garage?” says the busy mother. So the girl goes to her father in the garage and asks “I want to take Lulu for a walk, but mom says she’s in heat and to ask you about it.”. The father takes a rag, pours some petrol on it, and then rubs Lulu’s backside with it to disguise the scent. “Now you can take her for a walk”, he says. “Just don’t let her off the leash, and she’ll be fine”. So the little girl skips happily away with Lula trotting along beside her. A few minutes later she returns with an empty leash, and no Lulu. Concerned, her dad asked “Where’s Lulu, sweetie?” “She ran out of gas halfway around the block," the girl replied, "so the neighbor's dog is giving her a push home.”
Roses are red, bananas are yellow, wanna go out with a nice little fellow?
How about a little roll in the Bakery Department?
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