“A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.” Winston Churchill
The Mayor's Nightly Visit
A new mayor of Chicago is chosen.
That night, Franklin Delano Roosevelt appears. The mayor asks him "What can I do to make Chicago even greater?".
FDR responds: "Do everything for the people". The mayor wakes up startled, and mutters "Lies!" under his breath.
The next night, George Washington appears in the dreams of the mayor.
He asks "What can I do to make Chicago even greater?", to which GW responds "Never tell a lie".
The mayor wakes up startled, and curses under his breath. "That's not possible!"
The next night, Abraham Lincoln appears in the mayor's dreams.
The mayor asks "What can I do to make Chicago even greater?"
Abraham looks at the mayor, scratches his beard, and takes a while to answer.
"Visit a theater."
A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest seated beside her: "Father, may I ask a favor?"
"What is it you wish of me, my son?"
"Well, I bought an expensive electronic hair dryer that is well over the customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"
"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."
"With your honest face, father, no one will question you."
When they got to customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.
The official asked: "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."
The official thought this answer strange, so asked: "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"
"I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."
Roaring with laughter, the official said: "Go ahead, Father. Next!"