Fast Jokes

"I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol."- Steven Write
Werewolves love their fast food.
What do you call a fast broomstick?
A vroom-stick.
The day after your birthday,
you look in the mirror to see:
a) you've got a zit from eating all that cake;
b) your love handles have expanded a half inch;
c) you singed your eyebrows blowing out the candles.

The day after your birthday,
a) you require six extra hours of sleep;
b) you can't find your living room under the birthday debris;
c) you wonder how you could possibly have done THAT.

The day after your birthday, it's time to:
a) return some gifts (what IS that, anyway?);
b) call your friends and apologize for yesterday;
c) get out of the country, fast.

The day after your birthday...
we should all look so great
and have it so good!

Happy Birthday!
Appreciate yourself and your life!

(Joanna Fuchs)
Since her parents wanted to become wealthy fast, they ensured their daughter had an orange-d marriage.
What did the boss pig say to the pig worker for not working fast enough? “chop chop slow pork”.
What would you call a steak that leaped off the table and ran away? Fast food, of course.
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
What do fruits do when they are really really afraid? They run away as fast as their legs can cherry them.
My magic watch tells me you're not wearing any underwear.
You are? The thing must be an hour fast again.
In Desperate Need of Whiskey A man walks into a bar and briskly orders 12 of the most expensive whiskey shots. The bartender lines 12 up shot glasses and fills them up. The man quickly downs all 12 of them back to back and taps the bar, “again.” The bartender looks a little surprised, but lines of 12 more shots. The man quickly downs all 12 shots and hits the bar, “again.” The bartender, visibly concerned, fills up 12 more shots and lines them on the bar. The man quickly downs all 12 shots and hits the bar, “again.” The bartender says “hold up man! You gotta slow down!” The man says “trust me, if you had what I had, you’d be drinking this fast too.” “My God,” says the bartender, quietly leaning over the bar he asks, “what do you HAVE?” “A dollar.”
John commented, "You are so tall that you eat food out of a satellite dish". I replied, "Imagine how fast my internet is!"
"I don't do alcohol anymore—I get the same effect just standing up fast." - Anonymous
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
What is the baby vampire's least favorite fast food establishment?
Stake n shake!
“It’s amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!” — Milton Berle
Who Has the Fastest Dad? Three kids are talking about their fathers and comparing them. First kid says: "My dad is the fastest. He’s a drag racer and can do a quarter mile in 9.6 seconds." Second kid says: "That’s nothing! My dad is a fighter pilot and regularly breaks the speed of sound." Third kid says: "My dad is faster than both your dads! He’s a congressman. He finishes work at 4 o’clock but is always home by lunchtime."
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