Housework is for people who don’t know how to garden.”
— Anonymous
"The best way to garden is to put on a wide-brimmed straw hat and some old clothes. And with a hoe in one hand and a cold drink in the other, tell somebody else where to dig."
- Texas Bix Bender, Don't Throw in the Trowel
A weed is a plant that is not only in the wrong place but intends to stay.”
— Sara Stein
"I have no plants in my house. They won't live for me. Some of them don't even wait to die, they commit suicide."
- Jerry Seinfeld
“Anyone who has time for drama is not gardening enough”
— Anonymous
“I probably wouldn’t kill so many houseplants if they could scream for food and water the way my pets and children do.”
— Anonymous
"A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken."
- James Dent
Gardening is a matter of your enthusiasm holding up until your back gets used to it
— Author Unknown
"When did my wild oats turn to prunes and all bran?"
- Lucy Parker
"There's one good thing about snow, it makes your lawn look as nice as your neighbor's."
- Clyde Moore
“My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.”
– Mitch Hedburg
All gardeners know better than other gardeners.”
— Chinese Proverb
“Weeds are nature’s graffiti.”
— Janice Maeditere
"What did the carrot say to the wheat?
Lettuce rest, I'm feeling beet."
- Shel Silverstein
“If you are not killing plants, you are not really stretching yourself as a gardener.”
— J.C. Raulston
“I’m not aging, I just need repotting.”
— Anonymous
"When I asked you to water the plants,
I did not expect you'd unzip your pants."
- Mike Garofalo
"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning towards sunlight."
- Rita Rudner
“Gardening. Cheaper than therapy (until your spouse adds up the receipts).”
— Anonymous
"Even if the farmer intends to loaf, he gets up in time to get an early start."
- E.W. Howe
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