Funny Work Quotes

Bosses and employees won't be able to resist these hilarious work quotes.

Funny Work Quotes

“Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.” — Peter Drucker
“There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?​” -​Kin Hubbard
“People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.” – Ogden Nash
“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” — Charles Lamb
“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.” — Mark Twain
“If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.” — Claude McDonald
“Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.” – Charlie McCarthy
“As I have gotten older and wiser I discovered that there are six things that I really loved about my job. Pay day, lunch time, quitting time, vacation time, holidays, and of course retirement.” — Tom Goins
“Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn’t be done.” – Sam Ewing
"Hard work is damn near as overrated as monogamy."
~ Huey Long
“Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.” – Earl Nightingale
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
"Everybody makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when no one is looking."
~ Anonymous
“I’m not retiring, I am graduating . . . retirement means that you’ll just go ahead and live on your laurels and surf all day in Oceanside. It ain’t going to happen.” – Junior Seau
“The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it.” — Groucho Marx
“The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you’re finished.” – Groucho Marx
“My job is fun! I should change this line once in a while. My brain has started to realize that I am lying to it every morning."
~ Anonymous
“If A equals success, then the formula is A = X + Y + Z. Where X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut.”​ — Albert Einstein
“I am a friend of the workingman, and I would rather be his friend, than be one.” — Clarence Darrow.
“Find a job you like and you add five days to every week."
~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
“The reward for good work is more work.” – Francesca Elisia
“If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.” – Betty Reese
“A baseball game is twice as much fun if you’re seeing it on the company’s time.” — William C. Feather
“Beat the 5 o’clock rush, leave work at noon.” — Anonymous
“I believe in hard work. But, it will take some time to make this believe into a real thing!"
~ Anonymous
“The taxpayer—that’s someone who works for the federal government but doesn’t have to take the civil service examination.” — Ronald Reagan.
"An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field."
~ Niels Bohr
“People who never do any more than they get paid for, never get paid for any more than they do.” — Elbert Hubbard
“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily.” – Zig Ziglar
“Education cost money. But then again so does ignorance.” – Sir Claus Moser
“Coworkers are like Christmas lights. They hang together, half of them don’t work and the other half aren’t so bright.” – Anonymous
“If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.” — Woody Allen
“It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.”- Muhammad Ali
“I always give 100% at Work: 10% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 22% Thursday, and 5% Friday.”​ –Anonymous
“No man goes before his time—unless the boss leaves early.” — Groucho Marx
“Unemployment is capitalism’s way of getting you to plant a garden."
~ Orson Scott Card
“The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches."
~ Bove’s Theorem
“Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work."
~ Al Capp
“Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.​” — Homer Simpson
"Show me a man who is a good loser and I’ll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss."
~ Jim Murray
“A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job.” — Zig Ziglar
“If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.” — John Gotti
"His insomnia was so bad, he couldn’t sleep during office hours."
~ Arthur Baer
“It takes less time to do a thing right, than it does to explain why you did it wrong.” — Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
“My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.” — Author Unknown
“The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.​” — Stanley J. Randall
“You can’t have a million dollar dream with a minimum wage worth ethic.” — Zig Ziglar
"The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary."
~ Vince Lombardi
“After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF.” — Anonymous
“Work is a necessity for man. Man invented the alarm clock."
~ Pablo Picasso