“If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.” — Woody Allen
“Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still?"
~ J. Paul Getty
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called everybody, and they meet at the bar.” – Drew Carey
“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.” — Joe Girard
Don’t be distracted by criticism. Remember, the only taste of success some people get is to take a bite out of you.” – Zig Ziglar
“If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.” — Claude McDonald
"The world is divided into people who do things–and people who get the credit."
~ Dwight Morrow
“Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work."
~ Al Capp
"Luck is a dividend of sweat. The more you sweat, the luckier you get."
~ Ray Kroc
“Education cost money. But then again so does ignorance.” – Sir Claus Moser
“My son is now an ‘entrepreneur.’ That’s what you’re called when you don’t have a job.” – Ted Turner
“If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.” – Betty Reese
“The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches."
~ Bove’s Theorem
“It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.”- Muhammad Ali
“We pretend to work because they pretend to pay us."
~ Anonymous
“After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF.” — Anonymous
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
~ Douglas Adams
“Lisa, if you don’t like your job you don’t strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way."
~ Homer Simpson
"An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field."
~ Niels Bohr
“Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.” — Homer Simpson
"The British soldier can stand up to anything except the British War Office."
~ George Bernard Shaw
“If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.” — John Gotti
“I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” — Bill Gates
“God put me on this Earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I am so far behind I will never die."
~ Bill Watterson
“Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” – Robert Orben
“A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job.” — Zig Ziglar
“Be like a postage stamp. Stick to a thing till you get there.” — Josh Billings
“It’s a shame that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day is work. He can’t eat for eight hours; he can’t drink for eight hours; he can’t make love for eight hours. The only thing a man can do for eight hours is work.” — William Faulkner
“The taxpayer—that’s someone who works for the federal government but doesn’t have to take the civil service examination.” — Ronald Reagan.
“A baseball game is twice as much fun if you’re seeing it on the company’s time.” — William C. Feather
“I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” — Jerome K. Jerome
"Show me a man who is a good loser and I’ll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss."
~ Jim Murray
“One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.” — Bertrand Russell
"Learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t live long enough to make them all yourself."
~ Anonymous
“It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you.” — Dwight D. Eisenhower
“If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings.” – Dave Barry
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
- Groucho Marx
“Coworkers are like Christmas lights. They hang together, half of them don’t work and the other half aren’t so bright.” – Anonymous
"Hard work is damn near as overrated as monogamy."
~ Huey Long
“If owl parties aren't called hootenannies, this world will never make sense again."
- Reverend Badger
"His insomnia was so bad, he couldn’t sleep during office hours."
~ Arthur Baer
“The reward for good work is more work.” – Francesca Elisia
“Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.” – Earl Nightingale
“Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn’t be done.” – Sam Ewing
"The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary."
~ Vince Lombardi
“Getting paid to sleep… that’s my dream job.” –Unknown
“Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.” — Peter Drucker
"The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.” — Robert Frost
“I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I’m around.” — Homer Simpson
“Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still?” — J. Paul Getty