Funny Work Quotes

Bosses and employees won't be able to resist these hilarious work quotes.

Funny Work Quotes

“One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.” — Bertrand Russell
“The reward for good work is more work.” – Francesca Elisia
“You can’t have a million dollar dream with a minimum wage worth ethic.” — Zig Ziglar
“Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor.” – John Ciardi
“Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you’re finished.” — Leslie Nielsen
“Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work."
~ Al Capp
“Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.” — Groucho Marx
"Everybody makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when no one is looking."
~ Anonymous
“A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.” — Henry Kissenger
“Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.” — Don Herold
“I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” — Jerome K. Jerome
"Learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t live long enough to make them all yourself."
~ Anonymous
“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” — Charles Lamb
“My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.” — Author Unknown
“Work is a necessity for man. Man invented the alarm clock."
~ Pablo Picasso
“Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” — Edgar Bergen
“The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” — Oscar Wilde
“If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.” – Betty Reese
“I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.” — Henny Youngman
“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” – Phyllis Diller
“Beat the 5 o’clock rush, leave work at noon.” — Anonymous
"Hard work is damn near as overrated as monogamy."
~ Huey Long
“No man goes before his time—unless the boss leaves early.” — Groucho Marx
“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."
~ Erma Bombeck
“Education cost money. But then again so does ignorance.” – Sir Claus Moser
“Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.​” — Homer Simpson
“By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” — Robert Frost
“Pride, commitment and teamwork are words they use to get you to work for free.” – Anonymous
“A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job.” — Zig Ziglar
“I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.” – Anonymous
“The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it.” — Groucho Marx
“Leaders who don’t listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say.” – Andy Stanley
“Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.” — Peter Drucker
"Show me a man who is a good loser and I’ll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss."
~ Jim Murray
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
"If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire."
~ Cannon’s Law
“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.” — Joe Girard
“Unemployment is capitalism’s way of getting you to plant a garden."
~ Orson Scott Card
“If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.” — Woody Allen
“I’m not retiring, I am graduating . . . retirement means that you’ll just go ahead and live on your laurels and surf all day in Oceanside. It ain’t going to happen.” – Junior Seau
“After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF.” — Anonymous
“If owl parties aren't called hootenannies, this world will never make sense again."
- Reverend Badger
“Coworkers are like Christmas lights. They hang together, half of them don’t work and the other half aren’t so bright.” – Anonymous
“My job is fun! I should change this line once in a while. My brain has started to realize that I am lying to it every morning."
~ Anonymous
“When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘Whose?'” — Don Marquis
“Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn’t be done.” – Sam Ewing
“People are still willing to do an honest day’s work. The problem is they want a week’s pay for it.” – Joey Adams
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
~ Douglas Adams
“Be like a postage stamp. Stick to a thing till you get there.” — Josh Billings
“It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.”- Muhammad Ali