Funny Work Quotes

Bosses and employees won't be able to resist these hilarious work quotes.

Funny Work Quotes

“The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches."
~ Bove’s Theorem
“Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.” – Earl Nightingale
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
~ Douglas Adams
“There’s something boring about people who have to go to an office for a living."
~ Karl Lagerfeld
“If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.” — John Gotti
“By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” — Robert Frost
"Show me a man who is a good loser and I’ll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss."
~ Jim Murray
“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” – Thomas Edison
"Hard work is damn near as overrated as monogamy."
~ Huey Long
“I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” — Bill Gates
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
- Groucho Marx
"The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.” — Robert Frost
“Lisa, if you don’t like your job you don’t strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way."
~ Homer Simpson
"The world is divided into people who do things–and people who get the credit."
~ Dwight Morrow
“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day!” — Anonymous
“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” – Phyllis Diller
“There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?​” -​Kin Hubbard
“It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you.” — Dwight D. Eisenhower
“I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.” – Anonymous
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“I’m not retiring, I am graduating . . . retirement means that you’ll just go ahead and live on your laurels and surf all day in Oceanside. It ain’t going to happen.” – Junior Seau
“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin
“Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you’re finished.” — Leslie Nielsen
“Beat the 5 o’clock rush, leave work at noon.” — Anonymous
“You can’t have a million dollar dream with a minimum wage worth ethic.” — Zig Ziglar
“A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.” — Henry Kissenger
“The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you’re finished.” – Groucho Marx
“I believe in hard work. But, it will take some time to make this believe into a real thing!"
~ Anonymous
“Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.” — Peter Drucker
“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."
~ Erma Bombeck