“Leaders who don’t listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say.” – Andy Stanley
“My job is fun! I should change this line once in a while. My brain has started to realize that I am lying to it every morning."
~ Anonymous
“If owl parties aren't called hootenannies, this world will never make sense again."
- Reverend Badger
"If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire."
~ Cannon’s Law
“I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.” – Anonymous
"The world is divided into people who do things–and people who get the credit."
~ Dwight Morrow
“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.” — George Carlin
“Be like a postage stamp. Stick to a thing till you get there.” — Josh Billings
“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day!” — Anonymous
"Learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t live long enough to make them all yourself."
~ Anonymous
“I used to work at McDonald’s making minimum wage. You know what thay means? You know what your boss was trying to say? It’s like, ‘Hey if I could pay you less, I would, but it’s against the law.’” – Chris Rock
“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."
~ Erma Bombeck
“If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.” – Betty Reese
“I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I’m lying. – Rita Rudner
“By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” — Robert Frost
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
- Groucho Marx
“I am a friend of the workingman, and I would rather be his friend, than be one.” — Clarence Darrow.
“If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.” — Woody Allen
“One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.” — Bertrand Russell
“My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.” – Anonymous
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
“Getting paid to sleep… that’s my dream job.” –Unknown
"Everybody makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when no one is looking."
~ Anonymous
“Time is an illusion. Lunchtime is doubly so.” – Douglas Adams
“Unemployment is capitalism’s way of getting you to plant a garden."
~ Orson Scott Card
“No man goes before his time—unless the boss leaves early.” — Groucho Marx
“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.” — Mark Twain
"The British soldier can stand up to anything except the British War Office."
~ George Bernard Shaw
“My favorite animal is steak."
- Fran Lebowitz
“The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.” — Sarah Brown