Funny Work Quotes

Bosses and employees won't be able to resist these hilarious work quotes.

Funny Work Quotes

“The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it.” — Groucho Marx
“Leaders who don’t listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say.” – Andy Stanley
“Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.” — Peter Drucker
"Show me a man who is a good loser and I’ll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss."
~ Jim Murray
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
"If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire."
~ Cannon’s Law
“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.” — Joe Girard
“Unemployment is capitalism’s way of getting you to plant a garden."
~ Orson Scott Card
“If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.” — Woody Allen
“I’m not retiring, I am graduating . . . retirement means that you’ll just go ahead and live on your laurels and surf all day in Oceanside. It ain’t going to happen.” – Junior Seau
“After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF.” — Anonymous
“If owl parties aren't called hootenannies, this world will never make sense again."
- Reverend Badger
“Coworkers are like Christmas lights. They hang together, half of them don’t work and the other half aren’t so bright.” – Anonymous
“My job is fun! I should change this line once in a while. My brain has started to realize that I am lying to it every morning."
~ Anonymous
“When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘Whose?'” — Don Marquis
“Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn’t be done.” – Sam Ewing
“People are still willing to do an honest day’s work. The problem is they want a week’s pay for it.” – Joey Adams
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
~ Douglas Adams
“Be like a postage stamp. Stick to a thing till you get there.” — Josh Billings
“It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.”- Muhammad Ali
“A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don’t have a J.O.B.” – Fats Domino
“Getting paid to sleep… that’s my dream job.​” –Unknown
“The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.” — Sarah Brown
“Find a job you like and you add five days to every week."
~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” – Thomas Edison
“My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.” – Anonymous
“If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.” — John Gotti
“In fifty years, he never worked a day. To him, nine to five was odds on a horse."
~ Archie Bunker
“I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” — Bill Gates
“Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still?"
~ J. Paul Getty