“My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.” – Anonymous
“My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.” — Author Unknown
“Time is an illusion. Lunchtime is doubly so.” – Douglas Adams
“Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” — Edgar Bergen
“Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still?” — J. Paul Getty
“As I have gotten older and wiser I discovered that there are six things that I really loved about my job. Pay day, lunch time, quitting time, vacation time, holidays, and of course retirement.” — Tom Goins
“Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.” – Charlie McCarthy
“If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.” — Woody Allen
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
- Groucho Marx
“Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor.” – John Ciardi
“I’m not retiring, I am graduating . . . retirement means that you’ll just go ahead and live on your laurels and surf all day in Oceanside. It ain’t going to happen.” – Junior Seau
“Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.” — Peter Drucker
“Find a job you like and you add five days to every week."
~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
“We pretend to work because they pretend to pay us."
~ Anonymous
“Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.” – Scott Adams
“It’s a funny feeling to work with people who you consider your colleagues and to realize that they actually are young enough to be your children."
~ Alan Alda
“I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I’m lying. – Rita Rudner
“My favorite animal is steak."
- Fran Lebowitz
“A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don’t have a J.O.B.” – Fats Domino
“The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you’re finished.” – Groucho Marx
“Why do people say they wish every day was Friday? If it was always Friday, we’d be here every freakin’ day.” — Ed Bernard
"The British soldier can stand up to anything except the British War Office."
~ George Bernard Shaw
“You can’t have a million dollar dream with a minimum wage worth ethic.” — Zig Ziglar
“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.” — George Carlin
“Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work."
~ Al Capp
"His insomnia was so bad, he couldn’t sleep during office hours."
~ Arthur Baer
“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” – Phyllis Diller
“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.” — Mark Twain
“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day!” — Anonymous
“The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.” — Sarah Brown