“God put me on this Earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I am so far behind I will never die."
~ Bill Watterson
“I always give 100% at Work: 10% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 22% Thursday, and 5% Friday.” –Anonymous
“Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn’t be done.” – Sam Ewing
“I’m not retiring, I am graduating . . . retirement means that you’ll just go ahead and live on your laurels and surf all day in Oceanside. It ain’t going to happen.” – Junior Seau
“The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.” — Sarah Brown
“As I have gotten older and wiser I discovered that there are six things that I really loved about my job. Pay day, lunch time, quitting time, vacation time, holidays, and of course retirement.” — Tom Goins
“People are still willing to do an honest day’s work. The problem is they want a week’s pay for it.” – Joey Adams
"The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.” — Robert Frost
“We pretend to work because they pretend to pay us."
~ Anonymous
“Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor.” – John Ciardi
“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin
"Learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t live long enough to make them all yourself."
~ Anonymous
“Find a job you like and you add five days to every week."
~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
“If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.” — Claude McDonald
“The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What’s the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you’d get a pulse.” — Dennis Miller
“Education cost money. But then again so does ignorance.” – Sir Claus Moser
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
~ Douglas Adams
“I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.” – Anonymous
“I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.” — Henny Youngman
“If A equals success, then the formula is A = X + Y + Z. Where X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut.” — Albert Einstein
“If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings.” – Dave Barry
“When I was 16 I worked in a pet store, and they fired me because . . . they had three snakes, and one day I braided them.” – Steven Alexander Wright
“I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” — Bill Gates
“Getting paid to sleep… that’s my dream job.” –Unknown
“Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.” — Homer Simpson
“I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” — Jerome K. Jerome
“There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?” -Kin Hubbard
“My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.” — Author Unknown
“I am a friend of the workingman, and I would rather be his friend, than be one.” — Clarence Darrow.
“Hear no evil, see no evil, and speak no evil—and you’ll never get a job working for a tabloid.” – Phil Pastoreta consultant.” – Scott Adams
“A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don’t have a J.O.B.” – Fats Domino
"The world is divided into people who do things–and people who get the credit."
~ Dwight Morrow
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
“Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you’re finished.” — Leslie Nielsen
“Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.” — Peter Drucker
“Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.” – Scott Adams
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” — Robert Frost
“My favorite animal is steak."
- Fran Lebowitz
“One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.” — Bertrand Russell
“I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I’m around.” — Homer Simpson
“Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” – Robert Orben
“My son is now an ‘entrepreneur.’ That’s what you’re called when you don’t have a job.” – Ted Turner
“It’s a shame that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day is work. He can’t eat for eight hours; he can’t drink for eight hours; he can’t make love for eight hours. The only thing a man can do for eight hours is work.” — William Faulkner
“People who never do any more than they get paid for, never get paid for any more than they do.” — Elbert Hubbard
“A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job.” — Zig Ziglar
“Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.” — Groucho Marx
“If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.” — Woody Allen
“Unemployment is capitalism’s way of getting you to plant a garden."
~ Orson Scott Card
"Hard work is damn near as overrated as monogamy."
~ Huey Long