“Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.” – Earl Nightingale
“People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.” – Ogden Nash
“Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work."
~ Al Capp
“My favorite animal is steak."
- Fran Lebowitz
“There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?” -Kin Hubbard
“I’m not retiring, I am graduating . . . retirement means that you’ll just go ahead and live on your laurels and surf all day in Oceanside. It ain’t going to happen.” – Junior Seau
"Everybody makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when no one is looking."
~ Anonymous
"The British soldier can stand up to anything except the British War Office."
~ George Bernard Shaw
“You can’t have a million dollar dream with a minimum wage worth ethic.” — Zig Ziglar
“The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.” — Sarah Brown
“It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.”- Muhammad Ali
“The taxpayer—that’s someone who works for the federal government but doesn’t have to take the civil service examination.” — Ronald Reagan.
"The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary."
~ Vince Lombardi
“My son is now an ‘entrepreneur.’ That’s what you’re called when you don’t have a job.” – Ted Turner
“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” – Thomas Edison
“After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF.” — Anonymous
“When I was 16 I worked in a pet store, and they fired me because . . . they had three snakes, and one day I braided them.” – Steven Alexander Wright
“Pride, commitment and teamwork are words they use to get you to work for free.” – Anonymous
"Show me a man who is a good loser and I’ll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss."
~ Jim Murray
“As I have gotten older and wiser I discovered that there are six things that I really loved about my job. Pay day, lunch time, quitting time, vacation time, holidays, and of course retirement.” — Tom Goins
“If owl parties aren't called hootenannies, this world will never make sense again."
- Reverend Badger
“The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What’s the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you’d get a pulse.” — Dennis Miller
“Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.” – Scott Adams
“Unemployment is capitalism’s way of getting you to plant a garden."
~ Orson Scott Card
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
“The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it.” — Groucho Marx
“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day!” — Anonymous
“A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job.” — Zig Ziglar
"Hard work is damn near as overrated as monogamy."
~ Huey Long
“The reward for good work is more work.” – Francesca Elisia
“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily.” – Zig Ziglar
“The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” — Oscar Wilde
“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” – Phyllis Diller
“I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I’m lying. – Rita Rudner
"Luck is a dividend of sweat. The more you sweat, the luckier you get."
~ Ray Kroc
“Time is an illusion. Lunchtime is doubly so.” – Douglas Adams
“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."
~ Erma Bombeck
“I always give 100% at Work: 10% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 22% Thursday, and 5% Friday.” –Anonymous
“Lisa, if you don’t like your job you don’t strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way."
~ Homer Simpson
“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.” — Mark Twain
“It takes less time to do a thing right, than it does to explain why you did it wrong.” — Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
“I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I’m around.” — Homer Simpson
“God put me on this Earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I am so far behind I will never die."
~ Bill Watterson
"If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire."
~ Cannon’s Law
“Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” — Edgar Bergen
“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.” — George Carlin
“Work is a necessity for man. Man invented the alarm clock."
~ Pablo Picasso
“We pretend to work because they pretend to pay us."
~ Anonymous
“I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.” – Anonymous
“I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” — Bill Gates