“The archer will walk up to you, give you a hearty slap on the back and a wide, friendly grin. Then he’ll greet you with a remark like, ‘How the heck do you manage to look so young when you’re as old as you are?'”
— Linda Goodman
“People who never do any more than they get paid for, never get paid for any more than they do.” — Elbert Hubbard
"Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot."
"A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it."
- John Steinbeck
I have a love interest in every one of my films: a gun.
Arnold Schwarzenegger
“I think the family is the place where the most ridiculous and least respectable things in the world go on.”
- Ugo Betti
“Winter blues are cured every time with a potato gratin paired with a roast chicken.”
– Alexandra Guarnaschelli
"How sickness enlarges the dimension of a man's self to himself!"- Charles Lamb
“But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright Brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.”
- Carl Sagan
"Better to keep silent and let people think you are a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."
- Abraham Lincoln
“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now, and we don’t know where the heck she is.”—Ellen DeGeneres
“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.”
– Prince Philip
“What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin” –Mark Twain
“Older siblings: the only people who will pick on you for their own entertainment and beat up anyone else who tries.”—Unknown
Bill Murray
“Do you ever get halfway through eating a horse and go ‘you know, I’m not as hungry as thought I was’?”
"A man's only as old as the woman he feels."
“Seriousness is stupidity sent to college.”
- P. J. O’Rourke
“Monday is like a math problem. Add the irritation, subtract the sleep, multiply the problems, divide the happiness.”
"I love running cross country. On a track, I feel like a hamster."
Robin Williams
"The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass."
Martin Mull
“There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?” -Kin Hubbard
“When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.“
Rodney Dangerfield
“If you eliminate smoking and gambling, you will be amazed to find that almost all an Englishman’s pleasures can be, and mostly are, shared by his dog.”
George Bernard Shaw
“When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets because stressed spelled backward is desserts.”
― Unknown
“Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats.”
“Hello and welcome to Monday. Do you take sugar, cream, or Valium in your morning coffee?”
“All kidding aside, if everyone did yoga, we would have world peace.” — Rory Freedman
“When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he’s doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.”
- Erma Bombeck.
"Children aren’t happy without something to ignore, and that’s what parents were created for." – Ogden Nash
"Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties." — Jules Renard
“I’ve got seven kids, the three words you hear most around my house are: “Hello, goodbye, and I’m pregnant”.
- Dean Martin.
“Roses are red, Mondays are hard. I’m not good at poetry. COFFEE.”
"How do you compare apples and oranges?
By their nutritional value."
- Marshall Elizer
“Maybe Monday doesn’t like you either.”
We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
Rodney Dangerfield
“Kids are expensive, I didn’t even realize how broke I was until last year someone stole my identity and it ruined her life.”—Kate Davis
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." —Alexander the Great
“Sagittarians are not normally sentimental; however, they can get really attached to a favorite sweater that has seen better days.”
— Therrie Rosenvald
“Yoga is 99% waste removal” — T.K.V Desikachar
"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt."
— Charles M. Shulz
"I live in a mad house run by a tiny army that I made myself." — Anonymous
"The term “tax humor” is no doubt an oxymoron to many people; to the more cynical, it is an apt description of the entire tax code."
— John F. Lekel
"Never trust a skinny cook."
– Iain Hewitson
“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.”
George Carlin
“A snowball in the face is surely the perfect beginning to a lasting friendship.”
– Markus Zusak
“Always remember, a cat looks down on man, a dog looks up to man, but a pig will look man right in the eye and see his equal.”
- Sir Winston Churchill.
"A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold." - Ogden Nash
“Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.”
– Charles Schulz
“People who say they sleep like a baby usually don’t have one.”
- Leo Burke.
“You define a good flight by negatives: you didn’t get hijacked, you didn’t crash, you didn’t throw up, you weren’t late, you weren’t nauseated by the food. So you are grateful.”
– Paul Theroux