“You don’t have to be crazy to be my friend. I’ll train you.”
— Unknown
“A messy house is a must—it separates your true friends from other friends. Real friends are there to visit you not your house!”
— Jennifer Wilson
"I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number ou get in a diamond"- Mae West
"Once the travel bug bites there is no known antitode, and I know that I shall be happily infected until the end of my life."
- Michael Palin
“I don’t like to commit myself about heaven and hell — you see, I have friends in both places."
— Mark Twain
“How can something so small create so much of something so disgusting?”
- Michael, ‘Three Men And A Baby.’
“Always remember, a cat looks down on man, a dog looks up to man, but a pig will look man right in the eye and see his equal.”
- Sir Winston Churchill.
"Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of 'May Day!'?"
- Rob Knauerhase
“People who say they sleep like a baby usually don’t have one.”
- Leo Burke.
“Last Thanksgiving, I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shotgun going, blam! Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?” —Kenny Rogerson
“You can kid the world, but not your sister.”—Charlotte Gray
“Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.” - Kathy Mohnke
“Family is just accident...They don’t mean to get on your nerves. They don’t even mean to be your family, they just are.”
- Marsha Norman
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
"Getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth." - Conan O’Brien
"Parents don’t really go on holidays. They just look after their kids in a different country for a while."