"Money doesn’t change you. It reveals who you are when you no longer have to be nice." ~ Tim Ferriss
“Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.” — Steven Wright
“Money isn’t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children." ~ J. Paul Getty
“If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it." ~Author Unknown
“It’s money. I remember it from when I was single.” – Billy Crystal
“If there is a WILL, there are 500 relatives.” – Anonymous
"Ah, yes, divorce… A Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet." ~ Robin Williams
"I’ve done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not." ~ Fran Lebowitz
“No matter how hard you hug your money, it never hugs back.” — H. Jackson Brown Jr.
“The poor have more children, but the rich have more relatives.” – Unknown
"Staying in bed all day is my way of saving money." ~ Anonymous
“My formula for success is rise early, work late and strike oil.” JP Getty.
"Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly payment is due." ~Author Unknown
“The trick is to stop thinking of it as ‘your’ money.” – IRS auditor
“Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today." ~ Herman Wouk
“The safest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it in your pocket.” – Kin Hubbard
"I despise the lottery. There’s less chance of you becoming a millionaire than there is of getting hit by a passing asteroid." ~ Unknown
"If hard work were such a wonderful thing, surely the rich would have kept it all to themselves." ~ Lane Kirkland
“Money is something you have to make in case you don’t die.” Max Asnas.
“We live by the Golden Rule. Those who have the gold make the rules." ~Buzzie Bavasi
“Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt." ~ Herbert Hoover
“I owe much; I have nothing; the rest I leave to the poor.” - Francois Rebelais
“You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.” —Franklin P. Adams
“I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself." ~ Ronald Reagan
"Money without brains is always dangerous." ~ Napoleon Hill
“It doesn’t matter how low the dollar will go, I will always bend down and pick it up.” ~ Anonymous
"Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?" ~ John Barrymore
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” —Phyllis Diller
"I am having an out-of-money experience." ~ Anonymous
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
“Women prefer men who have something tender about them – especially the legal kind." ~Kay Ingram
"If you can count your money, you don’t have a billion dollars." ~ J. Paul Getty
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?” — Milton Berle
“If inflation continues to soar, you’re going to have to work like a dog just to live like one." ~George Gobel
“Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it." ~ David Lee Roth
“What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin” –Mark Twain
“Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.” -Henny Youngman
“Budget: a mathematical confirmation of your suspicions." ~A.A. Latimer
"It’s easy to meet expenses, everywhere we go, there they are." ~ Anonymus
“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” – Earl Wilson
“People say money is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.”—Joan Rivers
"Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy." ~ Groucho Marx
"Dogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. Do you know why dogs have no money? .. No Pockets." ~ Jerry Seinfeld
“There were times my pants were so thin I could sit on a dime and tell if it was heads or tails.” -Spencer Tracy quotes
“If you owe the bank $100 that’s your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that’s the bank’s problem.” -JP Getty.
“Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have.”— Will Rogers
“When a fellow says it ain’t the money but the principle of the thing, it’s the money.” – Artemus Ward
“Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man’s lifetime income – which he then spends sending his son to college.” — Bill Vaughn
"Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.” ~ Benjamin Franklin
“Always borrow money from a pessimist, he doesn’t expect to be paid back." ~Author Unknown