“Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache” – Mae West
“No matter how hard you hug your money, it never hugs back.” — H. Jackson Brown Jr.
“Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy beer." ~ Gary Reilly
“Someone asked me why women don’t gamble as much as men do, and I gave the commonsensical reply that we don’t have as much money. That was a true and incomplete answer. In fact, women’s total instinct for gambling is satisfied by marriage.” – Gloria Steinem
"Most people work just hard enough to not get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit." ~ George Carline
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” —Phyllis Diller
“What’s worth doing is worth doing for money.” –Gordon Gekko (Michael Douglas) Wall Street
“It’s money. I remember it from when I was single” — Billy Crystal
“When people ask me if I have any spare change, I tell them I have it at home in my spare wallet.”-Nick Arnette
“October: This is one of the particularly dangerous months to invest in stocks. Other dangerous months are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February.” Mark Twain
“Money is like manure. You have to spread it around or it smells." ~J. Paul Getty
“Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with." ~From a Washington Post word contest
“Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have.”— Will Rogers
“What’s your favorite childhood memory? Not paying bills.” – Anonymous
"I despise the lottery. There’s less chance of you becoming a millionaire than there is of getting hit by a passing asteroid." ~ Unknown
“Money is something you have to make in case you don’t die.” Max Asnas.
"Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly payment is due." ~Author Unknown
“Money’s only something you need in case you don’t die tomorrow.” – Carl Fox (Martin Sheen)Wall Street
"Dogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. Do you know why dogs have no money? .. No Pockets." ~ Jerry Seinfeld
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
“Undermine the entire economic structure of society by leaving the pay toilet door ajar so the next person can get in free.” - Taylor Meade
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.” Douglas Adams.
"It’s easy to meet expenses, everywhere we go, there they are." ~ Anonymus
"Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate." ~ Mark Twain
“It’s amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!” — Milton Berle
“To make a million, start with $900,000.” - Morton Shulman.
“A dollar picked up in the road is more satisfaction to us than the 99 which we had to work for, and the money won at Faro or in the stock market snuggles into our hearts in the same way. ~Mark Twain
“If women didn’t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning." ~Aristotle Onassis
"If you can count your money, you don’t have a billion dollars." ~ J. Paul Getty
"Don’t stay in bed unless you make money in bed." ~ George Burns
“In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.” –Tony Montana (Al Pacino) Scarface
“They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it.” Joseph Addison.
“If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys” – James Goldsmith
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?” — Milton Berle
“The safest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it in your pocket.” – Kin Hubbard
“If you owe the bank $100 that’s your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that’s the bank’s problem.” -JP Getty.
“The economy depends about as much on economists as the weather does on weather forecasters." ~Jean-Paul Kauffmann
“Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.” – Benjamin Franklin
“The trick is to stop thinking of it as ‘your’ money.” – IRS auditor
"I’ve done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not." ~ Fran Lebowitz
“Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.” — Steven Wright
“The best way you hurt rich people is by turning them into poor people” – Billy Ray Valentine (Eddie Murphy) Trading Places
“When a fellow says it ain’t the money but the principle of the thing, it’s the money.” – Artemus Ward
“From birth to age 18, a girl needs good parents, from 18 to 35 she needs good looks, from 35 to 55 she needs a good personality, and from 55 on she needs cash.” – Sophie Tucker
“You should always live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.”- Josh Billings
"Money doesn’t change you. It reveals who you are when you no longer have to be nice." ~ Tim Ferriss
"Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to go shopping." ~ Bo Derek
“If all the economists were laid end to end, they’d never reach a conclusion." ~George Bernard Shaw
“If you want to know what God thinks of money, look at the people he gave it to.” —Dorothy Parker
"I put a dollar in one of those changed machines. Nothing changed." ~ George Carlin