“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?” — Milton Berle
“Always borrow money from a pessimist, he doesn’t expect to be paid back." ~Author Unknown
“Money’s only something you need in case you don’t die tomorrow." ~ Martin Sheen
“Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have.”— Will Rogers
“They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it.” Joseph Addison.
“People are living longer than ever before, a phenomenon undoubtedly made necessary by the 30-year mortgage." ~Doug Larson
“You fool! You’re 30 cents away from having a quarter!” –Sweet Dick Willie (Robin Harris)Do the Right Thing
“Money doesn’t solve all problems but it could solve my money problem.” – Anonymous
“What’s the use of happiness? It can’t buy you money.”- Henry Youngman
“People say money is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.”—Joan Rivers
"Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to go shopping." ~ Bo Derek
"Don’t stay in bed unless you make money in bed." ~ George Burns
“If only God would give me a clear sign, like making a large deposit in my swiss bank account." ~ Woody Allen
“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” – Earl Wilson
“I am having an out of money experience." ~Author Unknown
“If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys” – James Goldsmith
“The waste of money cures itself, for soon there is no more to waste." ~M.W. Harrison
“If you owe the bank $100 that’s your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that’s the bank’s problem.” -JP Getty.
“Money isn’t the most important thing in life, but it’s reasonably close to oxygen on the “gotta have it” scale." ~Zig Ziglar
“Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy you the kind of misery you prefer." ~Author Unknown
“A dollar picked up in the road is more satisfaction to us than the 99 which we had to work for, and the money won at Faro or in the stock market snuggles into our hearts in the same way. ~Mark Twain
“Money is something you have to make in case you don’t die.” Max Asnas.
"We live by the golden rule. Those who have the gold make the rules." ~ Unknown
“When I was young I thought money was the most important thing in life; now that I’m old, I know it is." ~ Oscar Wilde
"There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one." ~ Jack Yelton
"Ah, yes, divorce… A Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet." ~ Robin Williams
“Cocaine is God’s way of saying you’re making too much money.” – Robin Williams
“Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That’s how rich I want to be.” – Rita Rudner
“He who marries for love without money has good nights and sorry days.” – Anonymous
"Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like." ~ Will Smith
“If inflation continues to soar, you’re going to have to work like a dog just to live like one." ~George Gobel
“Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with." ~From a Washington Post word contest
“If women didn’t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning." ~Aristotle Onassis
“Business is the art of extracting money from another man’s pocket without resorting to violence." ~Max Amsterdam
“This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt” – Earl Wilson
“Women prefer men who have something tender about them – especially the legal kind." ~Kay Ingram
“Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.” — Steven Wright
"Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy." ~ Groucho Marx
"Money is like a sixth sense – and you can’t make use of the other five without it." ~ William Somerset Maugham
"It’s easy to meet expenses, everywhere we go, there they are." ~ Anonymus
“Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man’s lifetime income – which he then spends sending his son to college.” — Bill Vaughn
"I am having an out-of-money experience." ~ Anonymous
“Money often costs too much." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.” – Jackie Mason
"I’ve done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not." ~ Fran Lebowitz
"Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now being called Wall Mart Street." ~ Jay Leno
“I finally know what distinguishes man from other beasts: financial worries.” – Jules Renard
“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” – Bob Hope
“It doesn’t matter how low the dollar will go, I will always bend down and pick it up.” ~ Anonymous
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain