“What’s the use of happiness? It can’t buy you money.”- Henry Youngman
“People are living longer than ever before, a phenomenon undoubtedly made necessary by the 30-year mortgage." ~Doug Larson
"There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one." ~ Jack Yelton
“Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.” -Henny Youngman
“The economy depends about as much on economists as the weather does on weather forecasters." ~Jean-Paul Kauffmann
“People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.” ~ Joan Rivers
“Anybody who tells you money can’t buy happiness never had any.” —Samuel L. Jackson
"Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate." ~ Mark Twain
“If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys” – James Goldsmith
"They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it." ~ Joseph Addison
“It’s amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!” — Milton Berle
“October: This is one of the particularly dangerous months to invest in stocks. Other dangerous months are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February.” Mark Twain
"If all the rich people in the world divided up their money among themselves, there wouldn’t be enough to go around." ~ Christina Stead
"Staying in bed all day is my way of saving money." ~ Anonymous
"Don’t stay in bed unless you make money in bed." ~ George Burns
“If there is anyone to whom I owe money, I’m prepared to forget it if they are.” - Errol Flynn
“The best way you hurt rich people is by turning them into poor people” – Billy Ray Valentine (Eddie Murphy) Trading Places
“I made my money the old-fashioned way. I was very nice to a wealthy relative right before he died” — Malcolm Forbes
“I finally know what distinguishes man from other beasts: financial worries.” – Jules Renard
“Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need most.” —Addison H. Hallock
“Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy beer." ~ Gary Reilly
“Budget: a mathematical confirmation of your suspicions." ~A.A. Latimer
“I’m so poor I can’t even pay attention." ~Ron Kittle
“Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” – Robert Orben
“Carpe per diem – seize the check.” – Robin Williams.
“I owe much; I have nothing; the rest I leave to the poor.” - Francois Rebelais
“They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it.” Joseph Addison.
“If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it." ~Author Unknown
“No matter how hard you hug your money, it never hugs back.” — H. Jackson Brown Jr.
“What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin” –Mark Twain
“I’m so naive about finances. Once my mother mentioned an amount and I realized I didn’t understand, she had to explain, ‘That’s like three Mercedes.’ Then I understood.” – Brooke Shields
“Money is the opposite of the weather. Nobody talks about it, but everybody does something about it.” – Rebecca Johnson
“From birth to age 18, a girl needs good parents, from 18 to 35 she needs good looks, from 35 to 55 she needs a good personality, and from 55 on she needs cash.” – Sophie Tucker
“A bargain is something you can’t use at a price you can’t resist.”- Franklin Jones.
“If inflation continues to soar, you’re going to have to work like a dog just to live like one." ~George Gobel
“Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy you the kind of misery you prefer." ~Author Unknown
“It doesn’t matter if you’re black or white… the only color that really matters is green.” – Family Guy
"We live by the golden rule. Those who have the gold make the rules." ~ Unknown
“A father is someone who carries pictures in his wallet where his money used to be” — unknown
“If you owe the bank $100 that’s your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that’s the bank’s problem.” -JP Getty.
“Cocaine is God’s way of saying you’re making too much money.” – Robin Williams
“I’m tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.” — Shaquille O’Neal
"The safe way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your pocket." ~ Kin Hubbard
“You should always live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.”- Josh Billings
"Most people work just hard enough to not get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit." ~ George Carline
"Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?" ~ John Barrymore
"I am having an out-of-money experience." ~ Anonymous
“A fool and his money are lucky enough to get together in the first place.” — Gordon Gekko (Michael Douglas) Wall Street
“When people ask me if I have any spare change, I tell them I have it at home in my spare wallet.”-Nick Arnette
"Money is like a sixth sense – and you can’t make use of the other five without it." ~ William Somerset Maugham