“Misers are no fun to live with, but they make great ancestors.” —Tom Snyder
“If there is anyone to whom I owe money, I’m prepared to forget it if they are.” - Errol Flynn
"Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like." ~ Will Smith
"Staying in bed all day is my way of saving money." ~ Anonymous
“I owe much; I have nothing; the rest I leave to the poor.” - Francois Rebelais
“A father is someone who carries pictures in his wallet where his money used to be” — unknown
"They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it." ~ Joseph Addison
"Dogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. Do you know why dogs have no money? .. No Pockets." ~ Jerry Seinfeld
“A dollar picked up in the road is more satisfaction to us than the 99 which we had to work for, and the money won at Faro or in the stock market snuggles into our hearts in the same way. ~Mark Twain
“People are living longer than ever before, a phenomenon undoubtedly made necessary by the 30-year mortgage." ~Doug Larson
“When I was young I thought money was the most important thing in life; now that I’m old, I know it is." ~ Oscar Wilde
“Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.” -Henny Youngman
"Ah, yes, divorce… A Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet." ~ Robin Williams
“Cocaine is God’s way of saying you’re making too much money.” – Robin Williams
“It doesn’t matter if you’re black or white… the only color that really matters is green.” – Family Guy
“Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with." ~From a Washington Post word contest
“Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man’s lifetime income – which he then spends sending his son to college.” — Bill Vaughn
"Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate." ~ Mark Twain
“Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt." ~ Herbert Hoover
“What’s worth doing is worth doing for money.” –Gordon Gekko (Michael Douglas) Wall Street
“Money is the opposite of the weather. Nobody talks about it, but everybody does something about it.” – Rebecca Johnson
“Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair." ~Sam Ewing
“Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.” – Jackie Mason
"I put a dollar in one of those changed machines. Nothing changed." ~ George Carlin
"Money without brains is always dangerous." ~ Napoleon Hill
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” —Phyllis Diller
“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” – Earl Wilson
“The poor have more children, but the rich have more relatives.” – Unknown
“When a fellow says it ain’t the money but the principle of the thing, it’s the money.” – Artemus Ward
“Undermine the entire economic structure of society by leaving the pay toilet door ajar so the next person can get in free.” - Taylor Meade
“You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.” —Franklin P. Adams
“When people ask me if I have any spare change, I tell them I have it at home in my spare wallet.”-Nick Arnette
“You should always live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.”- Josh Billings
“The waste of money cures itself, for soon there is no more to waste." ~M.W. Harrison
"There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one." ~ Jack Yelton
“What’s your favorite childhood memory? Not paying bills.” – Anonymous
“Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it." ~ David Lee Roth
“I’m so naive about finances. Once my mother mentioned an amount and I realized I didn’t understand, she had to explain, ‘That’s like three Mercedes.’ Then I understood.” – Brooke Shields
"Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.” ~ Benjamin Franklin
"I am having an out-of-money experience." ~ Anonymous
“It’s money. I remember it from when I was single” — Billy Crystal
“It doesn’t matter how low the dollar will go, I will always bend down and pick it up.” ~ Anonymous
“This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt” – Earl Wilson
“If there is a WILL, there are 500 relatives.” – Anonymous
"Don’t stay in bed unless you make money in bed." ~ George Burns
“People say money is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.”—Joan Rivers
“From birth to age 18, a girl needs good parents, from 18 to 35 she needs good looks, from 35 to 55 she needs a good personality, and from 55 on she needs cash.” – Sophie Tucker
"If all the rich people in the world divided up their money among themselves, there wouldn’t be enough to go around." ~ Christina Stead
“If inflation continues to soar, you’re going to have to work like a dog just to live like one." ~George Gobel
“Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have.”— Will Rogers