“Carpe per diem – seize the check.” – Robin Williams.
“What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin” –Mark Twain
"Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy." ~ Groucho Marx
“When I was young I thought money was the most important thing in life; now that I’m old, I know it is." ~ Oscar Wilde
“He who marries for love without money has good nights and sorry days.” – Anonymous
“I rob banks because that’s where the money is.” Willie Sutton.
“In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.” –Tony Montana (Al Pacino) Scarface
“A bargain is something you can’t use at a price you can’t resist.”- Franklin Jones.
“October: This is one of the particularly dangerous months to invest in stocks. Other dangerous months are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February.” Mark Twain
“Money isn’t the most important thing in life, but it’s reasonably close to oxygen on the “gotta have it” scale." ~Zig Ziglar
“If you think money doesn’t grow on trees, you ain’t checking every limb.” – Chamillionaire
“What’s the use of happiness? It can’t buy you money.”- Henry Youngman
“Undermine the entire economic structure of society by leaving the pay toilet door ajar so the next person can get in free.” - Taylor Meade
“This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt” – Earl Wilson
“It’s amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!” — Milton Berle
“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” – Earl Wilson
"Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to go shopping." ~ Bo Derek
“Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with." ~From a Washington Post word contest
“Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” – Robert Orben
“Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man’s lifetime income – which he then spends sending his son to college.” — Bill Vaughn
“Cocaine is God’s way of saying you’re making too much money.” – Robin Williams
“If women didn’t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning." ~Aristotle Onassis
“Money isn’t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children." ~ J. Paul Getty
“They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it.” Joseph Addison.
"If you can count your money, you don’t have a billion dollars." ~ J. Paul Getty
“If only God would give me a clear sign, like making a large deposit in my swiss bank account." ~ Woody Allen
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?” — Milton Berle
“The safest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it in your pocket.” – Kin Hubbard
“No matter how hard you hug your money, it never hugs back.” — H. Jackson Brown Jr.
“Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt." ~ Herbert Hoover
“I owe much; I have nothing; the rest I leave to the poor.” - Francois Rebelais
“Money is like manure. You have to spread it around or it smells." ~J. Paul Getty
“You fool! You’re 30 cents away from having a quarter!” –Sweet Dick Willie (Robin Harris)Do the Right Thing
"They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it." ~ Joseph Addison
"I’ve done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not." ~ Fran Lebowitz
“Women prefer men who have something tender about them – especially the legal kind." ~Kay Ingram
"Dogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. Do you know why dogs have no money? .. No Pockets." ~ Jerry Seinfeld
“If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys” – James Goldsmith
"Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate." ~ Mark Twain
“All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.” Spike Milligan.
“I’m so naive about finances. Once my mother mentioned an amount and I realized I didn’t understand, she had to explain, ‘That’s like three Mercedes.’ Then I understood.” – Brooke Shields
“Money often costs too much." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
“They say that love is more important, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?” – Anonymous
"I am having an out-of-money experience." ~ Anonymous
“I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself." ~ Ronald Reagan
“I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline powered turtleneck sweater. And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too.” – Steve Martin
“Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need most.” —Addison H. Hallock
"We live by the golden rule. Those who have the gold make the rules." ~ Unknown
“We live by the Golden Rule. Those who have the gold make the rules." ~Buzzie Bavasi
“Money can’t buy you happiness but it can pay for plastic surgery." ~ Joan Rivers