"There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one." ~ Jack Yelton
“If you think money doesn’t grow on trees, you ain’t checking every limb.” – Chamillionaire
"Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to go shopping." ~ Bo Derek
“Money is like manure. You have to spread it around or it smells." ~J. Paul Getty
“You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.” —Franklin P. Adams
"Staying in bed all day is my way of saving money." ~ Anonymous
"If hard work were such a wonderful thing, surely the rich would have kept it all to themselves." ~ Lane Kirkland
"Don’t stay in bed unless you make money in bed." ~ George Burns
“What’s your favorite childhood memory? Not paying bills.” – Anonymous
“If all the economists were laid end to end, they’d never reach a conclusion." ~George Bernard Shaw
"Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?" ~ John Barrymore
“Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.” -Henny Youngman
“Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today." ~ Herman Wouk
“October: This is one of the particularly dangerous months to invest in stocks. Other dangerous months are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February.” Mark Twain
"I put a dollar in one of those changed machines. Nothing changed." ~ George Carlin
“It’s money. I remember it from when I was single” — Billy Crystal
“Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache” – Mae West
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
“Business is the art of extracting money from another man’s pocket without resorting to violence." ~Max Amsterdam
"I despise the lottery. There’s less chance of you becoming a millionaire than there is of getting hit by a passing asteroid." ~ Unknown
“Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have.”— Will Rogers
“The trick is to stop thinking of it as ‘your’ money.” – IRS auditor
“A dollar picked up in the road is more satisfaction to us than the 99 which we had to work for, and the money won at Faro or in the stock market snuggles into our hearts in the same way. ~Mark Twain
“Money isn’t everything, but it’s a long way ahead of what comes next.” - Edmund Stockdale
“All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy." ~ Spike Milligan
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?” — Milton Berle
“From birth to age 18, a girl needs good parents, from 18 to 35 she needs good looks, from 35 to 55 she needs a good personality, and from 55 on she needs cash.” – Sophie Tucker
"Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy." ~ Groucho Marx
"Dogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. Do you know why dogs have no money? .. No Pockets." ~ Jerry Seinfeld
“I’m stuck between “I need to save money.” and “You only live once.”” – Anonymous
“People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.” ~ Joan Rivers
“People are living longer than ever before, a phenomenon undoubtedly made necessary by the 30-year mortgage." ~Doug Larson
“In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.” –Tony Montana (Al Pacino) Scarface
“All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.” Spike Milligan.
“Waking your kids up for school the first day after a break is almost as much fun as birthing them was.” - Jenny McCarthy
“If you want to know what God thinks of money, look at the people he gave it to.” —Dorothy Parker
“Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.” – Jackie Mason
“There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage” — James Holt McGavran
“A fool and his money are lucky enough to get together in the first place.” — Gordon Gekko (Michael Douglas) Wall Street
"They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it." ~ Joseph Addison
“Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy you the kind of misery you prefer." ~Author Unknown
“You fool! You’re 30 cents away from having a quarter!” –Sweet Dick Willie (Robin Harris)Do the Right Thing
“We live by the Golden Rule. Those who have the gold make the rules." ~Buzzie Bavasi
“Money and women. They’re two of the strongest things in the world. The things you do for a woman you wouldn’t do for anything else. Same with money.” — Satchel Paige
“Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man’s lifetime income – which he then spends sending his son to college.” — Bill Vaughn
“What’s worth doing is worth doing for money.” –Gordon Gekko (Michael Douglas) Wall Street
"I’m so poor I can’t pay attention." ~ Ron Kittle
“It’s amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!” — Milton Berle
“You should always live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.”- Josh Billings
“A father is someone who carries pictures in his wallet where his money used to be” — unknown